Bounce Back From Failure

Failure can take a hefty emotional toll, and that is okay. However, what is important is getting the negative feelings you have out of your system so you can regroup and tackle what is next. Do not keep how you feel trapped inside of you like a shaken up soda. Bottling your emotions can lead to two things:

An Emotional Outburst

Eventually the pressure will build and it will be too much for you to contain. In a moment of weakness, everything you have kept inside could explode and set you back even further. This not only affects your mental state, but it can affect your relationships too. When you have an outburst, the people you care about often end up in the crossfire.

Creeping Negativity

If you only loosen the cap, the negativity will slowly and persistently enter your mind. You need to openly confront the mistakes you made and give yourself the chance to feel it all. Otherwise, anxiety will start to linger in the back of your mind and the soft hiss of failure will continue.  Constant anxiety is incredibly unhealthy and can lead to even more problems.

So, how do you let it all out? There are a few ways to let go of the bad, and, most importantly, retain the knowledge you gained:

Set Aside Some Time

It is okay to feel like you have hit rock bottom. Completely ignoring what happened is not helpful, so set aside a specific amount of time to wallow as much as you want. Take some time to be angry, upset, and frustrated so you can get it all out. If it is something small, all you may need is an hour to pace around or cry in a pillow. For something larger, give yourself a full 24 hours to let it all out and wake up the next day with a clean slate. If you need more than a day, that is okay, but make sure it is an amount of time determined by you and that you stick to it. You get that time to be as mopey as you want, but when it is over, move on.

Talk About It

Talk to somebody you know about how you are feeling. It is well known that just talking about something can make you feel better. Take a load off and express yourself. Chances are whoever you talk to will try to make you feel better, but even if they do not, saying how you feel out loud puts that information out somewhere besides your brain.

Do Not Let it Become Part of Your Identity

Failure is something that happens, not something you are. Susan Tardanico at Forbes explains that just because you have not found a successful way to do something does not mean you are a failure. Be careful not to blur the lines between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past failure and reach success will define you in the end.

Failure can leave an open wound and it is unwise to ignore it. Without acknowledging it, your wound will continue to hurt, take longer to heal, and possibly get infected.

Look at the Failure of Others

Do not think for a second that you are the only person on the planet to nose dive. Often we look at the success of others and assume they have everything together when the reality is that they encounter failure just as much as anyone. Some are better at hiding it than others, but failure is universal. Before you start bashing yourself for not hitting the mark, explore the world of failure and see how vast it truly is. 

What successful person do you look up to? Take a look at the failures they have encountered in their lives and work. Read biographies, blogs, and listen to speeches. Successful people talk about failure just as much as they talk about success, and it is because they respect how important it is to embrace it. Even the greatest people in our world have fallen, and fallen hard at one point or another.

Your friends and family fail too. Think about the failures they have encountered, and remember that you are not alone. It is not to point and laugh, but to show yourself that failure is okay. You are human, just like everybody else.

Change Your Definition of Failure

Have we mentioned that failure is good? It can be hard to think that way, but changing your definition of failure can help you cope. Failure is a learning and growing opportunity that is necessary for growth.

Robert Spadinger at Pick the Brain has a list that can help adjust your own definition of failure:

Failure is an integral part on the way to success and self realisation.

Whenever you step outside the comfort zone and whenever you try something new, failure becomes inevitable.

Each failure brings you one step closer to reaching your goals.

Failure is a great teacher and it allows you to learn some of the most valuable life lessons.

Each failure makes you stronger, bigger and better.

Making mistakes is not a big deal as long as you learn from them and avoid repeating them.


Failure teaches you that a certain approach may not be ideal for a specific situation and that there are better approaches.

Successful people will never laugh at you or judge you when you fail, because they have already been there and they know about the valuable lessons you can learn from failure.

No matter how often you fail, you are not a failure as long as you do not give up. Every time you fail, your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.

Each time you fail your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.

Every mistake is a learning opportunity, and after you have moved past your emotions, it is important to revisit your mistakes with a new perspective. Look at what you did that went wrong, but also look at what you did that was right, and what you can do better next time. Failure is rarely so black and white.

Start a New Project to Occupy your Mind

Once you have had your grieving time, try again or move on to the next thing. Fill your head with thoughts on the next task at hand so there is no room for negativity to slither in. You do not want to completely block out the mistakes you have made, you will not learn that way, but you also do not want to dwell on them either.

Get started on your next project and really focus on it. Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki suggests having your next project ready so you are always equipped to carry on. Nothing takes your mind off of things like hard work. If you need some time away from work, find a hobby. There is bound to be something you enjoy and are good at that will keep your mind moving forward. The key is to switch your focus and give yourself time to remember that failing is not the end of the world.

The best part about failure is that you often get another chance. Mistakes are simply a form
of practise.

Every great artist was once an amateur. The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you will learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art. You will never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing will not work either. So get out there and try again. Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson. Win, Win.

It is okay to fail at something over and over, but as soon as you give up altogether, that is  the real failure.

Remember, failure is inevitable, but it is not something that has to define you. It is actually good for you, and setting yourself up for it can be good to. Make failure a tool, a stepping stone, to get you where you want to go. It is okay to feel defeated when it happens, but losing the battle never means losing the war.

With thanks to Patrick Allan https://lifehacker.com/how-to-move-past-failure-1597951611

The Danger Of Bottling Up Your Emotions

Emotions stir inside people every day and, this silent pull ends up dictating their life.

At times, we bottle up feelings and set them aside because we cannot say what we really want to in the current situation. In certain instances, we think our emotional reaction is abnormal and that no one will understand.

We forget all about our emotions and just plan to come back to them at some point. We ignore them for as long as possible, or until our neglect leads to a total meltdown. Research has proven that suppression tends to cause more harm than good. Negative emotions can drag you down, especially when helplessness kicks in.

It leads to depression, anxiety, anger, loneliness and a slew of new problems to deal with. Your risks of serious mental and physical problems are drastically increased, the longer you bottle up your emotions.

It is a destructive habit. But, like all habits, it can be broken.

Here are a few steps to show you how to release pent up emotions and live a more positive, healthy and happy life.

Examine Your Feelings

Figure out how you feel, why that rude comment from your co-worker upset you or why driving in rush hour traffic makes you feel annoyed, and get to know what makes you tick.

Accepting and understanding your emotions will allow you to truly know yourself. This, in essence, will help you live happier and healthier.

Admit that you have emotions and that how you feel matters, rather than setting your emotions on the back burner. You may think that showing your emotions can make you look weak. In reality, however, it is denying you have emotions that does.

Prioritise

You do not want to care about what other people think.  You have probably even told yourself that you do not have an inkling or concern about their thoughts. It is simply not true. Everyone cares about what others think.

The trick is to prioritise what you care about and, most importantly, whose opinion matters.

The author Brene Brown, said it best: “When you do not care at all what anyone thinks, you lose the capacity to connect. If you are defined by what people say, you lose the courage to be vulnerable.”

If you reach one extreme or the other, you will notice a total shutdown. You will produce little, motivation will slip and you will wind up minimising your impact.

Do you really care what the supermarket cashier or your postman thinks? What about your parents, wife, children, friends or co-workers? How about your boss? Make your list and ignore what everyone excluded from the list thinks.

Learn how to Release Pent Up Emotions and Take Action

Express your emotions in calculated reactions by doing something. This is not the time for procrastination or excuses.

In step 1, you should have decided how you would like to react to specific situations or scenarios. For example, by keeping your cool or expressing your emotions in positive and proactive ways.

Although it is easier said than done, letting your frustrations out in beneficial methods can actually help keep you from hitting your breaking point. Doing is achieving. You can do all the planning in the world but you have to back it up with action. The time is now.

It is much better to let out your emotions with a hobby. Write, listen to or create music. You can pray or even meditate. All of these activities have countless studies that prove how valuable they are, especially in dealing with emotions.

You can also practice gratitude. It can help build better relationships, networks, career prospects and even belongingness.

Hundreds of studies have demonstrated how expressing gratitude can change lives. Its benefits include getting better sleep, having more energy, being happier, healthier and have more resilient days when something unexpected pops up.

Speak Up

There will be times when you will feel something is out of your control, but keep in mind that you are never helpless. Speaking your thoughts will allow you to feel like you, your ideas, dreams, goals, challenges and accomplishments matter to other people.

Ever wonder why a dream vacation is more exciting when you are telling your best friend about your plans? Or why you feel more proud about winning first place in the 4k mile run when you celebrate your accomplishment with loved ones?

The answer is simple. We need someone to care.

Do not be afraid to talk to your friends, family or even pets. If there is something bothering you, get it off your chest. Knowing how to release pent up emotions is not that hard. You just have to learn to voice your concerns, desires, and emotions. If you are not sure why you feel so miserable, talking things out can help you figure out the real issue.

Talk to nature if there is no ear available to listen or, for some reason, you are too embarrassed to tell a real human. Just drop that emotional burden and move on.

Never Stop Learning

Increasing your emotional competence does not happen overnight. You must learn and work daily to better yourself and improve your life. Keep in mind that there is always room for improvement.

Never stop learning how to grow and better yourself. The moment you do, is when you stop truly living. Life is a magical mystery and it should be enjoyed with a smile on your face.

Emotional competency does not mean you must only feel positive emotions. It also involves understanding how to better manage your emotions and why it is a never ending process. You must learn to make your life easier despite it being ever changing.

Read constantly. Keep up with your favourite self improvement sites and publications. Find authors you can relate to, perhaps with the same struggles and learn from them.

People love to share what they have learned, so be open to listening to those around you. Even if you do not entirely admire their opinions, you will still learn.

Finally, remember that it is okay to feel your emotions, that some days you do not have to be happy and that you can take control of your life. But, do not take things too far to the point that you will not go out of bed or shower for a week.

Do not let your emotions take over or linger. As much as possible, try not dwell on your problems. Address them right away and do something constructive to make the situation better before you react.

You have the power.

With thanks to Brit Haines https://www.dumblittleman.com/how-to-release-pent-up-emotions/ 

Transform Your Life By Being Open-Minded

To have an open mind means to be willing to consider or receive new and different ideas. It means being flexible and adaptive to new experiences and ideas.

Cultivating an open mind is another valuable outcome of critical thinking and reasoning.

Now more than ever, we live in a world that is constantly changing.

In order to keep up, we must be open to new experiences and new ways of looking at things. If we do not stay current we will miss out on the wonderful new technologies such as the Internet, cell phones, digital photography, ipods, that are making our lives easier and more interesting every day.

People who are open minded are willing to change their views when presented with new facts and evidence. Those who are not, and are resistant to change will find life less rewarding and satisfying, not to mention dull.

If we limit ourselves to what we know and are more comfortable with the past, we will become more and more frustrated.

Society as a whole has become more liberal, and circumstances that were not acceptable years ago are accepted now.

If we choose to approach life in the same way day after day, as well as becoming bored and uninspired, we will reduce our intellectual aptitude.

If, on the other hand, we seek new ways of doing and looking at things, we will expand our intellectual capability, find life more exciting, and broaden our experiences.

Being open-minded also helps us with problem solving. First it helps us look at more than one way to approach a problem, then we find more expansive, ways of solving it. When we give ourselves more options, better solutions are undoubtedly more available to us.

Ultimately, having an open mind helps us expand our horizons and be more diverse and interesting people.

People who are open minded:

Are more accepting of others and have fewer prejudices.

Are more optimistic and make the most of life.

Have less stress because they are open to change.

Have better problem solving skills.

Want to learn more, therefore are more interesting.

With thanks to Z. Hereford
https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/openmind.html

Never Let Anyone Dim Your Light

You know who you are. You know you are kind, genuine and bright. Full of empathy, love, gentle and gracious. Even if they failed to see it, you must never forget it.

The world is full of people who are waiting to find these qualities in a person, but some of those people will take advantage of your kindness. It can make you feel empty,  hollow and even make you forget who you are. It can also make you question yourself and know who you are working towards being. These people come into your life dressed as a friend, a colleague, a potential partner and they will enjoy these parts of you, just as you will enjoy all the wonderful parts of them. They do care, I am not saying they do not, but they will care more about how you make them feel rather than how they make you feel. They will consume you and all the emotions you make them feel and once they have had enough, once it starts to become too much, they  will let you go just as quickly as they picked you up.

They might even come back for seconds or thirds and it will be so ridiculously hard to say no because you will want to help. You do not want someone you cared for to feel sad or upset, so you will stay and let them feed off of you again.

It will feel like you are being weak, but you know truthfully that it is the purest form of your strength, to be able to help someone who hurt you, to put yourself aside and to use your best qualities to make someone else feel good about themselves. But just like the first time, once they are done using you up, they will go again. It will feel worse than the first time but it will be easier to recover from, easier to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

Even though you are all of these wonderful things, you must also remember you are not responsible for their emotions anymore. If they choose to leave, let them. As hard as it is, do not let them come back, turn them away. It is one of the kindest things you can do for them, to allow them to use themselves, instead of another person, to alleviate whatever pain they are feeling. You have learnt how to use who you are to aid those you love, and so they must do the same. Learn when to say ‘enough is enough’. It will be the greatest gift you can give yourself.

You know who you are. You shine bright for all those who are willing to remove their shades. Never let anyone dim your sparkle because it is the only one you have got. 

With thanks to Jessica Cross  https://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-cross/2017/08/never-let-anyone-dim-your-sparkle-because-its-the-only-one-youve-got/

Make Your Life's Journey Amazing

Do you enjoy whatever you do, or complain about everything?

Are you striving to make the most of every situation, or do you get angry, depressed and unhappy, when you face difficulties or discomfort?

You can enjoy the journey through life. It is just a matter of attitude.

When you do something you love, you most probably enjoy what you are doing. However, often, you also have to do things you do not like doing. There are always tasks, chores and duties, which you cannot avoid.

You may not love your job, your boss, or your neighbours. Sometimes, you need to meet and interact with people you do not like. What do you do when you find yourself in these situations?

Do you sulk and get angry?

Complain?

Or become unhappy?

You cannot always control circumstances, but you can change your attitude toward them.

Life is like a journey. There is always movement and change. If you cannot accept changes, and if everything bothers you, you will not enjoy the journey, and it will be tough and unpleasant.

You can sit in a train and complain about the people around you, the train, the noise, the heat or anything else. You can also try to converse with the people travelling with you, learn about them, and win new friends that might open new opportunities for you. You might also look at the scenery and enjoy it.

It is all a Matter of Attitude, which you can Learn to Change

Why not enjoy the journey through life? Even if it is sometimes tough and unpleasant, you can turn it into a pleasant one. Focus on the pleasant incidents, on the bright side, on things that develop your character.

How to Make Your Journey Through Life More Pleasant 

Discipline your mind and teach it to focus on the good and the beneficial.

Teach yourself to think more positively.

See the bright side of everything.

Focus on what you are doing, instead of letting your thoughts go wherever they want.

Imagine how you will feel after you have finished your task, chore, or whatever you are doing. 

This will take off some of the strain and complaints, and you will begin to enjoy what you are doing.

Do not focus on the difficulties, the inconvenience or the discomfort. 

The mind finds it easier to focus on the negative, but with some effort and persistence, you would be able to teach your mind to stop dwelling on it. You can teach your mind to look at the positive, useful and helpful in every situation.

Strive to focus on the benefits, the strength and power you gain, as well as the possibilities that open up to you. Though this might be difficult at first, if you persevere with this attitude, your mind will learn to focus on the positive. This will make the journey through life more pleasant.

If you do not like what you are doing, there is no reason to suffer, feel bad or get depressed. If you cannot, currently, change the situation, then try to make the most of it. Try to enjoy it and put more fun into it.

Open your mind to see a broader picture, a different viewpoint, and magically, you will find what you are doing less boring or unpleasant.

When you see life as a pleasant journey, good things start happening and new doors open.

Look at your life as a pleasant journey and you will find happiness in every situation.

With thanks to Remez Sasson https://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/tips-for-life/life-a-pleasant-journey/