Countdown To A New Year

 The count down to a shiny new year has begun.

Now is the time to start setting your goals for next year.

Set out a two step plan to achieve them.

When you believe...,

Then you can achieve.

This is a new beginning.

Are you ready?

The first step

Perform the Focus of Intent Exercise

Take a pen and paper and write down exactly what you want to achieve, create a vision board if it will help..

But at the same time think about what you are grateful for.

The second step

Meditate on your goals everyday.

Only focus on one goal until you achieve it.

Start small with realistic and achievable goals.

This may seem very simplistic, but it is the key to manifesting your desires.

There are of course extra things that you can do to make your goals more effective.

But this is the basis of all manifesting systems from the beginning of time. 

Wishing you a happy, healthy, succesful New Year.

Gratitude

 In America, besides sharing time with family and friends over food, the primary ingredient of the Thanksgiving holiday is gratitude. While it is certainly good to have an annual holiday to remind us to express gratitude, there is much to be said for the benefits of cultivating the spirit of thankfulness year-round.

People who are thankful for what they have are better able to cope with stress, have more positive emotions, and are better able to reach their goals. Scientists have even noted that gratitude is associated with improved health.

Published in the Harvard Mental Health Letter, "expressing thanks may be one of the simplest ways to feel better:"

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible.

With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves.

As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals, whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.

People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude).

Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone's gratitude, it is a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further."

One way to harness the positive power of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal or list, where you actively write down exactly what you are grateful for each day. In one study people who kept a gratitude journal reported exercising more, and they had fewer visits to the doctor compared to those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Studies have shown that gratitude can produce a number of measurable effects on a number of systems in your body.

Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

Cultivating a sense of gratitude will help you refocus your attention toward what is good and right in your life, rather than dwelling on the negatives and all the things you may feel are lacking.

And, like a muscle, this mental state can be strengthened with practice. Besides keeping a daily gratitude journal, other ways to cultivate a sense of gratitude include:

• Write thank you notes: Whether in response to a gift or kind act, or simply as a show of gratitude for someone being in your life, getting into the habit of writing thank you letters can help you express gratitude in addition to simply feeling it inside.
• Count your blessings: Once a week, reflect on events for which you are grateful, and write them down. As you do, feel the sensations of happiness and thankfulness you felt at the time it happened, going over it again in your mind.
• Pray: Expressing thanks during your prayers is another way to cultivate gratitude.
• Mindfulness Meditation: Practicing "mindfulness" means that you are actively paying attention to the moment you are in right now. A mantra is sometimes used to help maintain focus, but you can also focus on something that you are grateful for, such as a pleasant smell, a cool breeze, or a lovely memory.

Previous research has shown that employees whose managers say "thank you" feel greater motivation at work, and work harder than peers who do not hear those "magic words. Being on the receiving end of a person's gratitude can boost a subjects' sense of self-worth and/or self-efficacy. It also appears to encourage participants to further help the person who offered the gratitude but also another, unrelated person in an unconscious 'pay it forward' kind of connection."

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude as Part of a Healthy Lifestyle

Starting each day by thinking of all the things you have to be thankful for is one way to put your mind on the right track. Also, remember that your future depends largely on the thoughts you think today. So each moment of every day is an opportunity to turn your thinking around, thereby helping or hindering your ability to think and feel more positive in the very next moment.

Most experts agree that there are no shortcuts to happiness. Even generally happy people do not experience joy 24 hours a day. But a happy person can have a bad day and still find pleasure in the small things in life.

Be thankful for what you have. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, remember the 1,000 reasons you have to smile. Face your past without regret; prepare for the future without fear; focus on whati s good right now, in the present moment, and practice gratitude. Remember to say "thank you",to yourself, the Universe, and others. It is wonderful to see a person smile, and even more wonderful knowing that you are the reason behind it.                                                       

                            Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Healing Emotional Pain

Apologies for no posts for a while......

The aftermath of the Covid pandemic and lockdown has left so many people trying to cope with emotional pain in a fast changing world.  

Emotional pain often exacts a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain. The stress and negative emotions associated with any trying event can even lead to physical pain and disease.

In fact, emotional stress is linked to health problems including chronic inflammation, lowered immune function, increased blood pressure, altered brain chemistry, increased tumor growth and more.

Of course, emotional pain can be so severe that it interferes with your ability to enjoy life and, in extreme cases, may even make you question whether your life is worth living.

Healing Emotional Pain

Let Go of Rejection

Rejection actually activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain, which is one reason why it hurts so much. The feeling of rejection toys with your innate need to belong, and is so distressing that it interferes with your ability to think, recall memories and make decisions. The sooner you let go of painful rejections, the better off your mental health will be.

 Avoid Brooding 

When you brood, over a past hurt, the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more anger, without providing any new insights. In other words, while reflecting on a painful event can help you to reach an understanding or closure about it, ruminating simply increases your stress levels, and can actually be addictive. 

Brooding on a stressful incident can also increase your levels C-active protein, a marker of inflammation in your body linked to cardiovascular disease.1

Turn Failure Into Something Positive 

If you allow yourself to feel helpless after a failure, or blame it on your lack of ability or bad luck, it is likely to lower your self-esteem. Blaming a failure on specific factors within your control, such as planning and execution, is likely to be less damaging, but even better is focusing on ways you can improve and be better informed or prepared so you can succeed next time (and try again, so there is a next time).

Make Sure Guilt Remains a Useful Emotion 

Guilt can be beneficial in that it can stop you from doing something that may harm another person (making it a strong "relationship protector"). But guilt that lingers or is excessive can impair your ability to focus and enjoy life.

If you still feel guilty after apologising for a wrongdoing, be sure you have expressed empathy toward them and conveyed that you understand how your actions impacted them. This will likely lead to authentic forgiveness and relief of your guilty feelings.

 Use Self-Affirmations if You Have Low Self-Esteem 

While positive affirmations are excellent tools for emotional health, if they fall outside the boundaries of your beliefs, they may be ineffective. This may be the case for people with low self-esteem, for whom self-affirmations may be more useful. Self-affirmations, such as “I have a great work ethic,” can help to reinforce positive qualities you believe you have, as can making a list of your best qualities.

Emotional Healing

Many, if not most, people carry emotional scars, traumas that can adversely affect your health and quality of life. Using techniques like energy psychology, you can correct the emotional short-circuiting that contributes to your chronic emotional pain. Such a technique for this is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)(http://eft.mercola.com/), which is the most comprehensive and most popular version of energy psychology. EFT is a form of psychological acupressure based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments for over 5,000 years, but without the invasiveness of needles.

Instead, simple tapping with the fingertips is used to transfer kinetic energy onto specific meridians on your head and chest while you think about your specific problem, whether it is a traumatic event, an addiction, pain or anxiety- and voice positive affirmations.

Ongoing Care

Just as eating healthy, exercising and getting a good night’s sleep are habits that must be held in the long run to be effective, your emotional health requires ongoing care as well. And, just like your physical body, your mind can only take so much stress before it breaks down. Yet many neglect to tend to their emotional health with the same devotion they give to their physical well-being. This is a mistake, but one that is easily remedied with the following tips for emotional nurturing.

Be an Optimist

Looking on the bright side increases your ability to experience happiness in your day-to-day life while helping you cope more effectively with stress.

 Have Hope

Having hope allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, helping you push through even dark, challenging times. Accomplishing goals, even small ones, can help you to build your level of hope.

 Accept Yourself

Self-deprecating remarks and thoughts will shroud your mind with negativity and foster increased levels of stress. Seek out and embrace the positive traits of yourself and your life, and avoid measuring your own worth by comparing yourself to those around you.

Stay Connected

Having loving and supportive relationships helps you feel connected, accepted and promotes a more positive mood. Intimate relationships help meet your emotional needs, so make it a point to reach out to others to develop and nurture these relationships in your life.

Express Gratitude 

People who are thankful for what they have are better able to cope with stress, have more positive emotions, and are better able to reach their goals. The best way to harness the positive power of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal or list, where you actively write down exactly what you are grateful for each day. Doing so has been linked to happier moods, greater optimism and even better physical health.

 Find Your Purpose and Meaning

When you have a purpose or goal that you are striving for, your life will take on a new meaning that supports your mental well-being. If you are not sure what your purpose is, explore your natural talents and interests to help find it, and also consider your role in intimate relationships and ability to grow spiritually.

 Master Your Environment 

When you have mastery over your environment, you have learned how to best modify your unique circumstances for the most emotional balance, which leads to feelings of pride and success. Mastery entails using skills such as time management and prioritisation along with believing in your ability to handle whatever life throws your way.

Exercise Regularly 

Exercise boosts levels of health-promoting neurochemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, which may help buffer some of the effects of stress and also relieve some symptoms of depression. Rather than viewing exercise as a medical tool to lose weight, prevent disease, and live longer, (all benefits that occur in the future), try viewing exercise as a daily tool to immediately enhance your frame of mind, reduce stress and feel happier.

Practice Mindfulness 

Practicing mindfulness means that you are actively paying attention to the moment you are in right now. Rather than letting your mind wander, when you are mindful you are living in the moment and letting distracting or negative thoughts pass through your mind without getting caught up in their emotional implications. Mindfulness can help you reduce stress for increased well-being as well as achieving focus. 

It is a mistake to view your emotional health as a separate entity from your physical health, as the two are intricately connected. You will have an easier time bouncing back from emotional setbacks when you are physically well, and healthy habits will also help keep your mood elevated naturally in the midst of stress. Happy people tend to be healthy people, and vice versa.

Meditation

Last but by no means least, it is important to not overlook the healing power that meditation has on emotional pain. Meditationdeeply focuses one’s mind for a period of time. This can be done in silence or with the help of chanting or music which evokes relaxation in the body and  a feeling of peace to an emotionally stressed mind.

In our modern, hectic world, meditation has gained traction in recent years as a way to manage stress. Scientific evidence has also emerged that shows meditation can be a helpful tool in fighting chronic illnesses, including depression, heart disease, and chronic pain.

All it takes is twenty minutes a day out of our busy schedules, to to benefit from the healing power of meditation.

Mindfulness

It is a busy world. You fold the laundry while keeping one eye on the children and another on the television. You plan your day while listening to the radio and commuting to work, and then plan your weekend. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, you may find yourself losing your connection with the present moment, missing out on what you are doing and how you are feeling. Did you notice whether you felt well rested this morning or that the forsythia is in bloom along your route to work?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment. It is now being examined scientifically and has been found to be a key element in stress reduction and overall happiness.

What are the Benefits of Mindfullness?

The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism, but most religions include some type of prayer or meditation technique that helps shift your thoughts away from your usual preoccupations toward an appreciation of the moment and a larger perspective on life.

Professor emeritus Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder and former director of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, helped to bring the practice of mindfulness meditation into mainstream medicine and demonstrated that practicing mindfulness can bring improvements in both physical and psychological symptoms as well as positive changes in health, attitudes, and behaviours.

Mindfulness Improves Well Being

Increasing your capacity for mindfulness supports many attitudes that contribute to a satisfied life. Being mindful makes it easier to savour the pleasures in life as they occur, it also helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events. By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem, and are better able to form deep connections with others.

Mindfulness Improves Physical Health

If greater well being is not enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways. It can: help relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, , improve sleep, and alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties.

Mindfulness Improves Mental Health

In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems, including: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Mindfulness Techniques

There is more than one way to practice mindfulness, but the goal of any mindfulness technique is to achieve a state of alert, focused relaxation by deliberately paying attention to thoughts and sensations without judgment. This allows the mind to refocus on the present moment. All mindfulness techniques are a form of meditation.

Basic mindfulness meditation

Sit quietly and focus on your natural breathing or on a word or “mantra” that you repeat silently. Allow thoughts to come and go without judgment and return to your focus on breath or mantra.

Notice subtle body sensations such as an itch or tingling without judgment and let them pass. Focus on each part of your body in succession from head to toe.

Become aware of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches. Name them “sight,” “sound,” “smell,” “taste,” or “touch” without judgment and let them go.

Allow emotions to be present without judgment. Practice a steady and relaxed naming of emotions: “joy,” “anger,” “frustration.” Accept the presence of the emotions without judgment and let them go.

Cope with cravings (for addictive substances or behaviours) and allow them to pass. Notice how your body feels as the craving enters. Replace the wish for the craving to go away with the certain knowledge that it will subside.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness can be cultivated through mindfulness meditation, a systematic method of focusing your attention. You can learn to meditate on your own, following instructions in books or on tape. However, you may benefit from the support of an instructor or group to answer questions and help you stay motivated. Look for someone using meditation in a way compatible with your beliefs and goals.

Getting Started On Your Own

Some types of meditation primarily involve concentration by repeating a phrase or focusing on the sensation of breathing, allowing the parade of thoughts that inevitably arise to come and go. Concentration meditation techniques, as well as other activities such as tai chi or yoga, can induce the well-known relaxation response, which is very valuable in reducing the body’s response to stress.

Mindfulness meditation builds upon concentration practices. 

Here is how it works:

Go with the flow

In mindfulness meditation, once you establish concentration, you observe the flow of inner thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judging them as good or bad.

Pay attention

You also notice external sensations such as sounds, sights, and touch that make up your moment to moment experience. The challenge is not to latch onto a particular idea, emotion, or sensation, or to get caught in thinking about the past or the future. Instead, you watch what comes and goes in your mind and discover which mental habits produce a feeling of well-being or suffering.

Stay with it 

 At times, this process may not seem relaxing at all, but over time it provides a key to greater happiness and self-awareness as you become comfortable with a varied range of your experiences.

Practice Acceptance

Above all, mindfulness practice involves accepting whatever arises in your awareness at each moment. It involves being kind and forgiving toward yourself.

Some tips to keep in mind:

Gently redirect

If your mind wanders into planning, daydreaming, or criticism, notice where it has gone and gently redirect it to sensations in the present.

Try and try again

If you miss your intended meditation session, simply start again.

By practicing accepting your experience during meditation, it becomes easier to accept whatever comes your way during the rest of your day.

Learn To Stay In The Present

Start by bringing your attention to the sensations in your body

Breathe in through your nose, allowing the air downward into your lower belly. Let your abdomen expand fully.

Now breathe out through your mouth.

Notice the sensations of each inhalation and exhalation.

Proceed with the task at hand slowly and with full deliberation.

Engage your senses fully. Notice each sight, touch, and sound so that you savour every sensation.

When you notice that your mind has wandered from the task at hand, gently bring your attention back to the sensations of the moment.

The effects of mindfulness meditation tend to be dose related, the more you do the greater the benefit. It usually takes at least 20 minutes for the mind to begin to settle. So this is a good way to start. 

With thanks to Harvard Health Publishing

Adapted with permission from Positive Psychology: Harnessing the Power of Happiness, Personal Strength, and Mindfulness, a special health report published by Harvard Health Publishing.

https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/benefits-of-mindfulness.htm

The Power Of Love

Love is the best antidepressant, but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It is not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidrepressant there is, because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people do not love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love does not work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason why so many of us are set up to be depressed. It is part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it is simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realising our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life, to love and be loved.

Recognise the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance does not always evolve into love.

Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you do not learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.

Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they do not distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissitic culture. Of course, you do not lose yourself in the process; you make sure you are also doing enough self-care.

Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they do not get outside of themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.

Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying and needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.

Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-steem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.

Recognise that the internal voice is strong but it is not real. Talk back to it. "I am not really being rejected, this is not really evidence of inadequacy. I made a mistake." Or "this is not about me, this is something I just did not know how to do and now I will learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

With thanks to Ellen McGrath 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/articles/200212/the-power-love