Self Worth - The Definitive Guide to Valuing Yourself

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one's success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.

Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society's scale of success.

The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or "how well you are doing". In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else's bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else's looks. The humour in Daniel Gilbert's definition of happiness (Harvard psychology professor and the author of Stumbling on Happiness) says it all: "Happiness is proportional to your salary divided by your brother-in-law's salary."

The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multimillionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.

The Paradox of Valuing Outward Appearances: How you value yourself is a reflection of how you value others. For instance, if you have placed an undue value on money as a symbol of success, then in your estimation, people with more money are to be admired more than those with less. Ironically, the very people who you admire most are also the people you envy most when their bank balance outdoes yours. Therein lies the paradox - whatever you admire most, you must also envy. In other words, you can never really be happy for those you admire most when your own self worth is based on outward appearances.

The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fueled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that - appearances - or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically "real". It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all - your mind - and are hence subject to change through your mind's activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the Law of Attraction, you create more of the same.

What Do You Really Value? It should be obvious to you by now that it is futile to base your self worth on outward appearances that are relative in nature and simply the product of one's mind. The question then is, what should you base it on instead? This exercise will enable you to see for yourself what you really value. Make a list all those human qualities that you value. Some examples may be personal integrity, self love, the ability to show love, kindness, self-confidence, honesty, self-conviction, being true to oneself, a sense of humour, affection, gratitude and so on. Also, the ability to use and display any one emotion appropriately, at the right time and in the appropriate degree.

Now compare this list of values to your original list of outward appearances that you have up until now inadvertently been using as your yardstick for self worth. Which list holds what you truly value? It is easy, the one that makes you feel an inner sense of calm and power that cannot be disturbed by outward forces or opinions. It is the list of human values. The more you associate yourself with the the Real You that is your higher self, the more such human values will define you.

Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereo-typical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Your Very Own Definition of Success: Write down your own definition of success, including all those virtues you admire most, and use it as your new yardstick for success. Think big and go beyond even what Emerson had to say about success. Make sure your definition of success is about you - not about others, or how you compare to them or what they may think of you. Print it out and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Read it every day and endeavour to make it your way of life. You will quickly find that your need to compare yourself to anyone else disappears.

As a once-off exercise, use your new definition of success to re-compare yourself to those people you used to compare yourself to based on society's definition. You may find that they do not display any of the virtues that you have used to define real success, and so no matter how much money they have, or how high up they have climbed on the career ladder, or how attractive they are, or how happy they seem to be in their relationships; that you would never really want to be like them. For example, would you still want someone else's career position if you knew they had back-stabbed their colleagues to get there? Hardly! Of course, when comparing yourself to random strangers, you can never really know their true virtues, so doing so is itself pointless based on your new definition of success.
To read the full article go to http://www.mind-your-reality.com/self_worth.html#Part_2

How To Keep Every Resolution Without Fail

We have all done it. We make New Year resolutions, maybe struggle to keep them for a few days, make ourselves miserable and then lapse back into our old habits.

Sure, we keep a few of these resolutions during our life but, for most, it is a losing battle. Now there is a vital formula that can ensure that you can keep every resolution without fail.

We could all benefit from this simple procedure, the key lies in the world ‘resolution’. When we make these promises to ourselves, we should drop the ‘re’ bit of the word and concentrate on the solution.

Many people benefit from this simple change to their thinking. “Consider why people make resolutions. It is usually because there is some aspect of their life that they want to change for the better. Then, instead of focusing on the great benefits that they will achieve, they focus on what they are giving up so, of course they fail”.

In this life you attract whatever it is that you think about the most. If you think about negative words like giving up, stopping, doing less or changing something that you have enjoyed for years, then it is inevitable that your subconscious will rebel to ensure that it does not happen.

Instead of thinking about resolutions, think about solutions. Think about how you will look, feel and sound when you have found the solution. Instead of thinking about what you may be giving up, think about what you will gain. Remember too that there is no success or failure, there is only a result. Don’t beat yourself up if the result is not what you planned, just change something and start again.

Here are some pointers about why so many people get results that they see as failure. There are two main reasons. The first is that you try to change the habits of a lifetime overnight and the human mind and body does not work like that. The other is that you attempt to do it alone. The help and support of a nonjudgmental and uncritical third party is crucial to a good outcome.

Many people think that setting a resolution is all that it needs. It is important to take time to fully appreciate why you have chosen a certain resolution and to examine your commitment to the change. Then  define strategies for creating the change with small action steps that will gradually bring you closer to your goals. 

Achieving solutions begins with setting them correctly and then having support to make them happen in a timescale that the body and mind can and will accept.

New Year solutions are great if they get you thinking about your life. Remember, you can start work on a new solution at any time. The power of the personal change is just too good to be limited to the first few days of the year and it really is possible to keep every resolution without fail.

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    Happy Prosperous New Year