Make Decisions Without Regret

Every day we have decisions to make — what to wear, what to eat, how to spend our time.

Some decisions are no-brainers. You make your choice, and even if it’s not the best decision, the potential consequences are rarely worth breaking a sweat.

Then there are the BIG decisions.

• Should I move?

• Which job offer will be best?

• Am I in the right relationship?

• Should I proceed with the surgery?
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Sometimes the elements and possible consequences of a big decision are so complicated your brain gets muddled, and confusion and indecision grip you like a vice. You become frozen like a deer in headlights.

The more you ponder the decision, the more confused and stuck you feel.You just want a voice from the heavens to shout down instructions and tell you what path to take. “Hey you, take that job.  You’ll be much happier!”
This confusion is so uncomfortable that we tend to avoid these big decisions altogether. Of course this does nothing but stoke a low-level sense of anxiety and frustration about ourselves and our circumstances. Avoidance has never been a great strategy for life success and happiness.

Over-thinking and compulsively analyzing a decision doesn’t help much either. Trying to predict the future is an impossible task, regardless of how certain you may feel about a desired outcome. Life is too unpredictable to know with certainty that you are making the “right” decision. Ultimately, any decision involves a leap of faith.

When I’ve had to make big life decisions, I’ve learned to take several practical steps infused with a big dose of emotional guidance. In other words, I start with my head but also listen to my heart.

Here are some keys on how to make a decision without regret.

Have a Life Vision

A life vision should be the foundation and reference point for every decision you make. In your deepest dreams, how do you envision your life in all areas — career, relationships, finances, lifestyle, etc.  What core values define this vision for you? Make a point of writing down your vision and the values that define it. Refine the vision  over time as necessary. Then when a big decision comes along, you can use this vision as a guide.  If you deviate too far from the vision, it will cause you eventual pain and regret. Evaluate your choices based on your vision. Which one is in closest alignment with your vision?

Evaluate the Pros and the Cons

Consider the possible positive and negative aspects or consequences of your decision. Write down a list of pros and cons for each possible alternative. Then prioritize these points with the most important considerations at the top of the list. What are the possible implications of the cons? Do they outweigh the pros? Can you live with the potential negative fallout or consequences? What could you do to mitigate the fallout?

Phone a Friend

Carefully select two or three trusted friends whose opinion and judgment you value. Tell them about your life vision, show them your list of pros and cons and ask for their input about your decision. Someone who is removed from the turmoil of the decision and who has a different perspective can help you see things in a clearer light. A personal coach can also  help you gain clarity around your decision by asking you pointed questions related to your motivations, feelings, and desires.

Invoke a Higher Power

Go to a quiet place. Breathe deeply. Close your eyes. Go within. Pray or meditate (or whatever feels right to you) and ask for guidance. Your own inner wisdom and intuition will often rise to your conscious mind when you calm the mental chaos of over-thinking your decision. Imagine yourself in all of the possible outcomes and pay attention to how you feel. Keep a pen and paper handy to make notes about your feelings after reflection. Give it a few days. You may be surprised that the answer presents itself unexpectedly.

Don’t Look Back

If you have done the work, honored your vision, examined the pros and cons, sought guidance, done your due diligence, and connected with your intuition, then make your choice, take the leap and don’t look back. There are millions of paths we can take in a lifetime, all leading to different opportunities and potential consequences. You won’t have a guarantee, but you don’t need one.  Uncertainty is part of the adventure of life. Once you are on this new adventure, have confidence that you made the best decision with the information available, and move forward with a spring in your step. There is something good to be learned on every path we follow.

The ability to make a decision is the fuel for personal and professional growth. If you enter a decision with the knowledge that uncertainty is inevitable, and you accept you must decide in spite of uncertainty, then you will never get stuck.  By taking the steps outlined, you empower yourself to make an informed and thoughtful choice, leaving little room for future regret.

To read the full article go to

http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/career/how-to-make-a-big-decision-without-regret

Do You Know Your Own Worth?

Self-respect is the most crucial aspect of one’s life. If you do not understand how to appreciate yourself and your worth, how do you expect others to? Life is too short to maintain toxic relationships. In order for yours to flourish, you need to work on yourself first.

Don’t expect anyone to love or respect you if you don’t fully love yourself first.

People accept horrible  jobs and relationships because they do not respect themselves enough to realize they deserve better. Too many people become complacent in these aspects and stop striving for greater things.

Relationships become detrimental when the self-respect is lacking. You wind up hurting the other person and yourself. You need to love yourself enough to choose the ones that make you happy and motivate you to grow.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

This does not come easy so a conscious effort must be consistently made on a day-to-day basis. A lack of self-respect can, and most often does, result in depression and self-destructive behaviors. You need to reinforce your positive qualities and actively try to fix your negative qualities. When everything else in the world fails you, you will always have your self-respect to fall back on. How you feel about yourself affects every single aspect of your life.

If you don’t respect yourself then you won’t take care of yourself the way you should. By achieving this, you set boundaries for your life and your relationships. This will encourage people’s deference to you. You cannot allow people to treat you poorly and if they do, you need to recognize your worth and walk away. Others cannot negatively influence your opinion of yourself; this will only lead to degradation of your worth. You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Self-respect and self-esteem play hand in hand with one another. Self-esteem gives you the confidence to succeed and without it you are simply placing limitations on yourself.

You and only you are responsible for your fate. Life is no fun if you spend it hating yourself; this stifles any progress you hope to make. Once your confidence is up, you will stop making the terrible mistake of comparing yourself to others. You will already be comfortable and happy with who you are.

When you love yourself, you take pride in who you and what you have to offer. Too many people place the needs of others before their own, but in order to respect others, you need to meet your own needs first. How can you truly learn to appreciate others if you can’t even appreciate yourself? This is fundamental to personal growth and a concept too many people do not realize.

Copyright http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/your-self-worth-is-everything/

Why Success Always Starts with Failure

Few of our own failures are fatal,” economist and Financial Times columnist Tim Harford writes in his new book, Adapt: Why Success Always Starts With Failure. This may be true, but we certainly don’t act like it. When our mistakes stare us in the face, we often find it so upsetting that we miss out on the primary benefit of failing (yes, benefit): the chance to get over our egos and come back with a stronger, smarter approach.

The Wrong Way To React To Failure

When it comes to failing, our egos are our own worst enemies. As soon as things start going wrong, our defense mechanisms kick in, tempting us to do what we can to save face. Yet, these very normal reactions — denial, chasing your losses, and hedonic editing — wreak havoc on our ability to adapt.

Denial.

“It seems to be the hardest thing in the world to admit we’ve made a mistake and try to put it right. It requires you to challenge a status quo of your own making.”

Chasing your losses.

We’re so anxious not to “draw a line under a decision we regret” that we end up causing still more damage while trying to erase it. For example, poker players who’ve just lost some money are primed to make riskier bets than they’d normally take, in a hasty attempt to win the lost money back and “erase” the mistake.

Hedonic editing.

When we engage in “hedonic editing,” we try to convince ourselves that the mistake doesn’t matter, bundling our losses with our gains or finding some way to reinterpret our failures as successes.

Were so anxious not to draw a line under a decision we regret that we end up causing still

more damage while trying to erase it.

The Recipe for Successful Adaptation

In a complex world, we must use an adaptive, experimental approach to succeed. The more complex and elusive our problems are, the more effective trial and error becomes. We cannot begin to predict whether our “great idea” will actually sink or swim once it’s out there. You have to cast a wide net, “practice failing” in a safe space, and be primed to let go of your idea if you’ve missed the mark.

Try new things.

Expose yourself to lots of different ideas and try lots of different approaches, on the grounds that failure is common.

Experiment where failure is survivable.

Look for experimental approaches where there’s lots to learn – projects with small downsides but bigger upsides. Too often we take on projects where the cost of failure is prohibitive, and just hope for the best.

Recognize when you haven’t succeeded.

The third principle is the easiest to state and the hardest to stick to: know when you’ve failed.

The more complex and elusive our problems are, the more effective trial and error becomes.

How To Recognize Failure

This is the hard part. We’ve been trained that “persistence pays off,” so it feels wrong to cut our losses and label an idea a failure. But if you’re truly self-aware and listening closely after a “release” of your idea, you can’t go wrong. Being able to recognize a failure just means that you’ll be able to re-cast it into something more likely to succeed.

Gather feedback.

Above all, feedback is essential for determining which experiments have succeeded and which have failed. Get advice, not just from one person, but from several. Some professions have build-in feedback: reviews if you’re in the arts, sales and analytics if you release a web product, comments if you’re a blogger. If the feedback is harsh, be objective, “take the venom out,” and dig out the real advice.

Remove emotions from the equation.

It’s important to be dispassionate: forget whether you’re ahead or behind, and try to look at the likely costs and benefits of continuing from when you are.

Don’t get too attached to your plan.

There’s nothing wrong with a plan, but remember Von Moltke’s famous dictum that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. The danger is a plan that seduces us into thinking failure is impossible and adaptation is unnecessary – a kind of ‘Titanic’ plan, unsinkable (until it hits the iceberg).”

Being able to recognize a failure just means that you will be able to re-cast if into

something more likely to succeed.

To read the full article go to

http://99u.com/articles/7072/why-success-always-starts-with-failure