An Emotional Outburst
Eventually the pressure will build and it will be too much for you to contain. In a moment of weakness, everything you have kept inside could explode and set you back even further. This not only affects your mental state, but it can affect your relationships too. When you have an outburst, the people you care about often end up in the crossfire.
Creeping Negativity
If you only loosen the cap, the negativity will slowly and persistently enter your mind. You need to openly confront the mistakes you made and give yourself the chance to feel it all. Otherwise, anxiety will start to linger in the back of your mind and the soft hiss of failure will continue. Constant anxiety is incredibly unhealthy and can lead to even more problems.
So, how do you let it all out? There are a few ways to let go of the bad, and, most importantly, retain the knowledge you gained:
Set Aside Some Time
It is okay to feel like you have hit rock bottom. Completely ignoring what happened is not helpful, so set aside a specific amount of time to wallow as much as you want. Take some time to be angry, upset, and frustrated so you can get it all out. If it is something small, all you may need is an hour to pace around or cry in a pillow. For something larger, give yourself a full 24 hours to let it all out and wake up the next day with a clean slate. If you need more than a day, that is okay, but make sure it is an amount of time determined by you and that you stick to it. You get that time to be as mopey as you want, but when it is over, move on.
Talk About It
Talk to somebody you know about how you are feeling. It is well known that just talking about something can make you feel better. Take a load off and express yourself. Chances are whoever you talk to will try to make you feel better, but even if they do not, saying how you feel out loud puts that information out somewhere besides your brain.
Do Not Let it Become Part of Your Identity
Failure is something that happens, not something you are. Susan Tardanico at Forbes explains that just because you have not found a successful way to do something does not mean you are a failure. Be careful not to blur the lines between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past failure and reach success will define you in the end.
Failure can leave an open wound and it is unwise to ignore it. Without acknowledging it, your wound will continue to hurt, take longer to heal, and possibly get infected.
Look at the Failure of Others
Do not think for a second that you are the only person on the planet to nose dive. Often we look at the success of others and assume they have everything together when the reality is that they encounter failure just as much as anyone. Some are better at hiding it than others, but failure is universal. Before you start bashing yourself for not hitting the mark, explore the world of failure and see how vast it truly is.
What successful person do you look up to? Take a look at the failures they have encountered in their lives and work. Read biographies, blogs, and listen to speeches. Successful people talk about failure just as much as they talk about success, and it is because they respect how important it is to embrace it. Even the greatest people in our world have fallen, and fallen hard at one point or another.
Your friends and family fail too. Think about the failures they have encountered, and remember that you are not alone. It is not to point and laugh, but to show yourself that failure is okay. You are human, just like everybody else.
Change Your Definition of Failure
Have we mentioned that failure is good? It can be hard to think that way, but changing your definition of failure can help you cope. Failure is a learning and growing opportunity that is necessary for growth.
Robert Spadinger at Pick the Brain has a list that can help adjust your own definition of failure:
Failure is an integral part on the way to success and self realisation.
Whenever you step outside the comfort zone and whenever you try something new, failure becomes inevitable.
Each failure brings you one step closer to reaching your goals.
Failure is a great teacher and it allows you to learn some of the most valuable life lessons.
Each failure makes you stronger, bigger and better.
Making mistakes is not a big deal as long as you learn from them and avoid repeating them.
Failure teaches you that a certain approach may not be ideal for a specific situation and that there are better approaches.
Successful people will never laugh at you or judge you when you fail, because they have already been there and they know about the valuable lessons you can learn from failure.
No matter how often you fail, you are not a failure as long as you do not give up. Every time you fail, your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.
Each time you fail your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.
Every mistake is a learning opportunity, and after you have moved past your emotions, it is important to revisit your mistakes with a new perspective. Look at what you did that went wrong, but also look at what you did that was right, and what you can do better next time. Failure is rarely so black and white.
Start a New Project to Occupy your Mind
Once you have had your grieving time, try again or move on to the next thing. Fill your head with thoughts on the next task at hand so there is no room for negativity to slither in. You do not want to completely block out the mistakes you have made, you will not learn that way, but you also do not want to dwell on them either.
Get started on your next project and really focus on it. Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki suggests having your next project ready so you are always equipped to carry on. Nothing takes your mind off of things like hard work. If you need some time away from work, find a hobby. There is bound to be something you enjoy and are good at that will keep your mind moving forward. The key is to switch your focus and give yourself time to remember that failing is not the end of the world.
The best part about failure is that you often get another chance. Mistakes are simply a form
of practise.
Every great artist was once an amateur. The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you will learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art. You will never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing will not work either. So get out there and try again. Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson. Win, Win.
It is okay to fail at something over and over, but as soon as you give up altogether, that is the real failure.
Remember, failure is inevitable, but it is not something that has to define you. It is actually good for you, and setting yourself up for it can be good to. Make failure a tool, a stepping stone, to get you where you want to go. It is okay to feel defeated when it happens, but losing the battle never means losing the war.
With thanks to Patrick Allan https://lifehacker.com/how-to-move-past-failure-1597951611
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