Go With The Flow Of Life

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. You are the way you are and the people in your life are exactly the way that they are. This is true whether you like it or not.

When you fight and resist the way your life is, you create a state of fear and upset that almost always makes your situation worse.

You close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision, and you interact in a way that destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.

When we get upset, the upset seems to be caused by what happened, but this is not the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happened.

To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen to the upset if you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset because the upset was not caused by what happened. The upset was caused by your fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears. You create your own fear and upset by your resisting.

To handle a situation, you need action, not resisting. Resisting only destroys love and keeps you from seeing the action that you need to take.

If you could somehow let go of your resisting, you would restore your peace of mind. You would then be able to see your situation clearly and you would be able to see what needs to be done. You could then take the action you need to effectively handle your situation.

"Letting go" is the inner action that removes the resisting which in turn releases the fear and upset.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions that you could never have seen before. You become naturally effective.

To see this another way, let us look at the nature of fear.

Fear is created by the avoiding and resisting of some future possible event. For example,  you are resisting the possible loss of your relationship. The more you resist this loss, the greater your fear.

As your fear increases, so does the chance of your fear coming true. The greater your fear, the more you become threatened and the more you hang on. That in turn pushes the person further and further away. By avoiding and resisting this future possible event, you create a state of fear and upset that tends to bring you to the very event that you are avoiding.

To have a fear lose its power, you need to do the opposite of resisting. You need to be willing for the fear to happen. You do not have to like it, just be willing.

Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and is totally separate from your actions. It is the letting go that removes the fear and upset so that you can see what action works.

For example, in your heart, be willing to lose your relationship, but in your actions, do everything you can to have the person want to stay.

The moment you become willing to lose your relationship, fear and upset lose their power. You restore your peace of mind and your ability to see what needs to be done.

You can then interact in a way that creates love and greatly increases the chances of your relationship staying.

To let go and restore your peace of mind, you need to be willing for your life to be however it is and however it may become.

You do this by granting permission. "I give my spouse full permission to be exactly the way he or she is." "I am willing to lose my spouse." "I am willing to lose my job."

Let go of your demands and expectations for how your life should be and make peace with the way your life is. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great.

To make the process of letting go a little easier, there are two very important steps that you can take. The first step is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

Now this does not mean that life will turn out the way that you want it to. Life often does not. 

Trust is knowing that however life turns out, you will be fine.

When you know that you will be fine, letting go becomes relatively easy. You can then let go. You restore your effectiveness and life works out great. This then reinforces the trust.

When you do not trust, life becomes very difficult. You fight, resist and hang on. You then make everything worse, which reinforces "do not trust."

Trust is actually a choice. Trust is something you create. It is a declaration. "I will be okay no matter what happens. I trust, just because I say so."

Trust is also telling the truth. You really will be fine no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be fine.

The second and most important step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the sadness and all the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate.

This is important because the avoidance of this hurt is what causes you to resist.
We think that we are resisting our circumstances but we are not. We are resisting all the feelings and emotion that are being reactivated by our circumstances.

More accurately, we are resisting a very specific hurt from the past. We are resisting the hurt of feeling not good enough, worthless, not worth loving, or some other form of being not okay.

Once you find and heal this hurt, the need to resist or hang on disappears. You can then let go and take the action you need to effectively handle your situation.

With thanks to Bill Ferguson
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/ferguson4.html

Happiness Is Important To Your Wellbeing

When we pick up a newspaper or see the news on television, it seems as though the world is filled with doom and gloom and, even in our own hectic lives, it would be foolish to think that we could feel happy every moment of our waking lives. But is a state of being happy that far from being attained by us all? The answer is NO. It is within our own grasp.

We tend to forget how important happiness is and get consumed with our own negative feelings of doom and gloom from time to time too. Furthermore, we sometimes do not consciously realise we are doing this to ourselves.

Why Happiness Is Important

Although we may sometimes neglect to cultivate our own happiness, feeling happy is intrinsically important. If we are happy it has an added knock on effects and benefits. These include us becoming more compassionate and feeling healthier both physically and emotionally. We become more creative, witty, energetic and fun to be around and it can also lead us to become more financially successful.

Very few of us live our lives in complete isolation. We will have partners, families, friends and work colleagues with whom we interact on a daily basis so if we are happy, then it is likely to mean that they will feel happier too. Therefore, through our own happiness, we are actually giving something to other people too and enabling them to feel happy as well.

Now, if we open that up and take it to a global level, it can make a massive impact. For example, unhappiness is at the core of all the breeding grounds of war and terrorist activity. Countries only attack other countries if they are feeling unhappy about certain realities and we are all only too aware how terrorist ideals come about as a result of their real or perceived injustice and unhappiness about various religious, social, political or economic realities.

The fundamental reason why happiness is so important is that it is extremely vital to our own goals in life and can help us achieve many other cherished personal ambitions and goals. Also, by being happy, we have the potential to change many other lives just by being ourselves.

How often have you been in a place and there has been something about the mood or atmosphere that does not quite seem right? When happiness is on board, this not only affects you but it has positive effects on all those with whom you come into contact.

So, it is the ‘domino’ effect and it all begins with you as an individual. As you spread those feelings, they are taken on board by those around you who also spread them in turn. If you can imagine the impact this would create if the feeling was then perpetuated and multiplied by hundreds, then thousands and then millions of people? There would be no use for wars or terrorism in the world which is another example of why happiness is so important.

How Is Happiness Attained

For happiness to be attained, it is important to be open and willing to the concept that it can be attained. For us to do this, we need to rid ourselves of the negative energies which occur in our lives on a regular basis and which cause us to feel unhappy or at best, make us feel as though we are simply existing or drifting through life.

Remember, it is a natural state to feel happy. We are all programmed to feel happiness as the norm. It is what we let get in the way that alters our programming for the worst. 

Therefore, by ridding ourselves of negative thoughts, self-doubts, rationalising problems and seeing them as challenges to be overcome, we get rid of feelings such as depression, fear, worry, dissatisfaction, boredom and grief and then, by ridding ourselves of these, all that is left is happiness, contentment and peace of mind.

Some will wonder how we can do this when so many negative things happen to us. In answer to that, it is because we LET these things cause us to have negative reactions. For example, we all have all gone to work, had a bad day and come away complaining to a colleague, “The boss really got my back up today”. However, he only did that because YOU let him have that effect on you.

In truth, no one can ever make someone feel anything. Outside behaviours and influences have the power to trigger off negative thoughts, but that can only happen if you allow it to. Change the way you respond to those triggers and consequently they can have no effect on inflicting any kind of misery upon you.

This might not come across as being an easy thing to do. But, if you consciously make the effort and tell yourself that you are going to be happy and that no one has the right to make you feel unhappy or can take those feelings away, then you are in sole control of your own feelings of happiness. It is a fact that by placing happiness at the cornerstone of your very existence, then you will be much more effective at creating the kind of world you want.

With thanks to Jeff Durham

http://www.lifecoachexpert.co.uk/whyishappinesssoimportant.html

The Importance Of Forgiveness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold onto anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge, or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticised your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance.

But if you do not practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

What Is Forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness does not mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it does not minimise or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you get on with your life.

What Are The Benefits Of Forgiving Someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological wellbeing
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Stronger immune system
• Improved heart health
• Higher self-esteem

Why Is It So Easy To Bear A Grudge?

When you are hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What Are The Effects Of Holding A Grudge?

If you are unforgiving, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you cannot enjoy the present
• Become depressed or anxious
• Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you are at odds with your spiritual beliefs
• Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

How Do You Reach A State Of Forgiveness? 

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• Actively choose to forgive the person who has offended you, when you are ready
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation has had on your life

As you let go of grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you have been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

With thanks to the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692