Taking Criticism Constructively

Some people can graciously accept constructive criticism. Whilst others struggle with receiving criticism, even when it was entirely accurate. The moment some people hear the words of critique, their heartbeat quickens and their mind begins to race, first in search of an explanation for this personal assault and then for a retort to rationalise whatever actions are in question.

Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, many of us react with defensiveness and anger or, even worse attack the person criticising us. But the truth is, we need to get over it. We know there is value in constructive criticism—how else would we identify weaknesses and areas for improvement?  Being able to handle it calmly and professionally will help us maintain relationships and be more successful in everything we do.

So how do you learn to back off the defensive? The next time you receive constructive criticism whether it be in the work place or from a family member or friend, use these steps to handle the encounter with tact and grace.

Stop Your First Reaction

At the first sign of criticism, before you do anything—stop. Really. Try not to react at all!  You will have at least one second to stop your reaction. While one second seems insignificant in real life, it is ample time for your brain to process a situation. And in that moment, you can halt a dismissive facial expression or reactive quip and remind yourself to stay calm.

The Benefit Of Getting Feedback

Now, you have a few seconds to quickly remind yourself of the benefits of receiving constructive criticism namely, to improve your skills, work product, and relationships, and to help you meet the expectations that others have of you.

You should also try to curtail any reaction you are having to the person who is delivering the feedback. It can be challenging to receive criticism  from someone that you do not fully respect. But remember, accurate and constructive feedback comes even from flawed sources.

Listen For Understanding

You have avoided your typical reaction, your brain is working, and you have recalled all the benefits of feedback.  Now, you are ready to engage in a productive dialogue as your competent, thoughtful self (as opposed to your combative self).

As the person shares feedback with you, listen closely. Allow the person to share his or her complete thoughts, without interruption. When he or she is done, repeat back what you heard. For example, “I hear you saying that you want me to provide more detailed weekly reports, is that right?” At this point, avoid analysing or questioning the person’s assessment, instead, just focus on understanding his or her comments and perspective. And give the benefit of the doubt here. Recognise that the person giving you feedback may be nervous or may not express his or her ideas perfectly.

Say Thank You

This is the hard part.  Look the person in the eyes and thank him or her for sharing feedback with you. Do not gloss over this, be deliberate, and say, “I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this with me.” Expressing appreciation does not have to mean you are agreeing with the assessment, but it does show that you are acknowledging the effort your colleague took to evaluate you and share his or her thoughts.

Deconstruct The Feedback By Asking Questions

Now it is time to process the feedback. You will probably want to get more clarity at this point and share your perspective. Avoid engaging in a debate, instead, ask questions to get to the root of the actual issues being raised and possible solutions for addressing them. For example, if a colleague criticises you here are a few ways to deconstruct the feedback:

Seek specific examples to help you understand the issue

Acknowledge the feedback that is not in dispute

Try to understand whether this is an isolated issue

Seek specific solutions to address the feedback

Request Time To Follow Up

Hopefully, by this point in the conversation, you can agree on the issues that were raised. Once you articulate what you will do going forward, and thank the person again for their feedback so that you can close the conversation and move on.

That said, if it is a larger issue, or something presented by your boss, you may want to ask for a follow up meeting to ask more questions and get agreement on the next steps. And if that is OK—it will give you time to process the feedback, seek advice from others, and think about solutions.

Constructive criticism is often the only way we learn about our weaknesses, without it we cannot improve. When we are defensive, instead of accepting and being gracious, we run the risk of missing out on this important insight. 

Remember, feedback is not easy to give and it is certainly not easy to receive, but it will help us now and in the long run.

With thanks to Nicole Lindsay

http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2012/11/07/taking-constructive-criticism-like-a-champ/#1883c2cc58b7

The Benefits Of Forgiveness

"There is no love without forgiveness and there is no forgiveness without love" -Bryant H McGill

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold onto anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticised your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even resentment.

But if you do not practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness does not minimise or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you get on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Stronger immune system
• Improved heart health
• Higher self-esteem

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you are hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you are unforgiving, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you cannot enjoy the present
• Become depressed or anxious
• Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you are at odds with your spiritual beliefs
• Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• Actively choose to forgive the person who has offended you, when you are ready
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you have been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I cannot forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who has hurt you does not admit wrong or does not speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck:
• Consider the situation from the other person's point of view.
• Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
• Reflect on times you have hurt others and on those who have forgiven you.
• Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you have found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
• Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This is not always the case, however.
Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation is not.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I do not want to?

If you have not reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurt you might prompt you to be tense and stressful. To handle these situations:
• Remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. If you choose to attend, do not be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings.
• Respect yourself and do what seems best.
• Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I am forgiving does not change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behaviour or words is not the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I am the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you have done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You are human, and you will make mistakes.
If you are truly sorry for something you have said or done, consider admitting it to those you have harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness — without making excuses.
Remember, however, you cannot force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
With thanks to the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692?pg=2

Think Positively to Improve Your Life

"Success is never Final, Failure is never Fatal, it is Courage that Counts - John Wooden"

Your inner world has a tremendous impact on your circumstances.

Your beliefs affect your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Your actions ultimately create your life. Interestingly, many of your beliefs are unfounded, and your thoughts and emotions are largely habitual. Changing any of these internal components will affect the results you experience.

Fortunately, your inner world is under your control, though making changes can be challenging.

Change Your Mind And Your Life WIll Follow

Start and end your day by experiencing gratitude. It is easy to focus on what you do not have. Instead, spend a few minutes in the morning and before bed to list your blessings.

By focusing on the positive, you will brighten your mood and increase the number of good things that come into your life.

 Focus on solutions. It is a mistake to spend your time focusing on your problems. It makes you feel terrible and hopeless. It also fails to rectify the challenge you are facing. When something is going wrong in your life, switch into solution-finding mode.

 What can you do to make a positive change? You have far more options that you realise.

Take care of your body. One of the common causes of depression has been found to be undiagnosed heart disease. When your body is out of sorts, it skews the way you interpret the world. We are guided by our feelings, and when your health is compromised, your emotions can be misleading.

Stay grounded in reality. Most of us live in a fantasyland. We are thinking about the past or speculating on the future. However, if you concentrate on living wisely and well in the present moment, the future will bring the joy you hope for.

Remember that life is whizzing by 24/7. The actions you take right now determine your future. You cannot act today if your mind is elsewhere.

Use positive affirmations. Give yourself the gift of positive thoughts and uplifting self-talk throughout the day. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions. Positive thoughts will fill you with positive emotions. With positive thoughts, you can change your world.

Examine your beliefs. Make a list of the beliefs that are holding you back and then question them. Where did you get this belief? Why do you believe it is accurate? Is there a possibility that this belief is false? How much evidence do you really have in support of this belief?

Track your thoughts. Set an alarm, perhaps on your smart phone, to notify you each hour. When the alarm sounds, consider how you have used your mind over the past hour.

What did you think about? Was your attention focused on your work, or did you worry about the phone bill? Did you use your mind to better your future?

Measuring yourself each hour will help you to stay focused. It is too easy to fall into old patterns if you only check yourself once per day.

Learn to meditate. Meditation has many physical and mental benefits. It can reduce stress, strengthen your health, help to strip away your erroneous beliefs, and bring you clarity and focus. Meditation is one action that can have a huge, positive effect on your life. Incorporate time for meditation into your schedule each day. 

Believe it or not, meditation is a lot simpler than some people make it out to be. You do not need to be an expert, or have any previous experience. Someone brand new to meditation experience the same results as someone who has been practicing it for years. 

Most of us believe we are victims of our circumstances, but we are actually victims of our own thinking. No matter how bad your situation might be, someone has started with an even worse situation and led an incredible life. Changing your inner world is the key to changing your outer world.

Thank you Sean May https://www.scienceofimagery.com/think-positively-8-tips/

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