Make Your New Year's Resolutions Stick

It can be daunting when your list of New Year’s Resolutions is as long as your holiday shopping list. In addition to the post holiday slump, not being able to keep your resolutions by February, March or even late January may increase your anxiety. When your holiday decorations are packed up and stored away, the frustration of an unused gym membership or other reminders of failed resolutions can make the later winter months feel hopeless.

However, it is important to remember that the New Year is not meant to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. It is a time for people to reflect on their past year’s behaviour and promise to make positive lifestyle changes. “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognising that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”

By making your resolutions realistic, there is a greater chance that you will keep them throughout the year, incorporating healthy behaviour into your everyday life. Follow these simple tips when thinking about a News Year’s resolution:

Start Small

Make resolutions that you think you can keep. If, for example, your aim is to exercise more frequently, schedule three or four days a week at the gym instead of seven. If you would like to eat healthier, try replacing dessert with something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt, instead of seeing your diet as a form of punishment.

Change One Behaviour At A Time

Unhealthy behaviours develop over the course of time. Thus, replacing unhealthy behaviours with healthy ones requires time. Do not get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time.

Talk About It

Share your experiences with family and friends. Consider joining a support group to reach your goals, such as a workout class at your gym or a group of coworkers quitting smoking. Having someone to share your struggles and successes with makes your journey to a healthier lifestyle that much easier and less intimidating.

Do Not Beat Yourself Up

Perfection is unattainable. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. Do not give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs, resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track.

Ask For Support

Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen, strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress caused by your resolution. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviours and address emotional issues.

With thanks to the American Psychological Association 

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolution.aspx

Wishing you a healthy, successful, happy New Year

Happy Holidays

I want to wish you and your family a very

Merry Christmas, if you are celebrating.

And if you are not celebrating, I want to wish you good

health, happiness and a lot more as well.

Most of all, I want to just THANK YOU for reading my

weekly blog posts.

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Worry Holds You Back

Worrying can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem. But if you are preoccupied with “what ifs” and worst case scenarios, worry becomes a problem of its own. Unrelenting doubts and fears can be paralysing. They can sap your emotional energy, send your anxiety levels soaring, and interfere with your daily life. But chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective.

Why is it so Hard to Stop Worrying?

 No one likes the way constant worrying makes you feel, so why is it so difficult to stop? The answer lies in the beliefs, both negative and positive, you have about worrying.

On the negative side, you may believe that your constant worrying is going to spiral completely out of control, drive you crazy, or damage your health. On the positive side, you may believe that your worrying helps you avoid bad things, prepare for the worst, or come up with solutions. You may even believe that worrying shows you are a caring and conscientious person.

Negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, add to your anxiety and keep it going (much in the same way worrying about getting to sleep often keeps you awake). But positive beliefs about worrying can be even more damaging. It is tough to break the worry habit if you believe that your worrying protects you. In order to stop worry and anxiety for good, you must give up your belief that worrying serves a positive purpose. Once you realise that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you gain control of your worried mind.

Why You Keep Worrying

You have mixed feelings about your worries. On one hand, your worries are bothering you, you cannot sleep, nor can you get these pessimistic thoughts out of your head. But there is a way that these worries make sense to you. For example, you think:

Maybe I will find a solution.

I do not want to overlook anything.

If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I will figure it out.

I do not want to be surprised.

I want to be responsible.

You have a hard time giving up on your worries because, in a sense, your worries have been working for you. (The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You, Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D.)

Create A Worry Period

It is tough to be productive in your daily life when anxiety and worry are dominating your thoughts. But what can you do?

Telling yourself to stop worrying does not work, at least not for long. You can distract yourself for a moment, but you cannott banish anxious thoughts for good. In fact, trying to do so often makes them stronger and more persistent.

You can test this out for yourself. Close your eyes and picture a pink elephant. Once you can see it in your mind, stop thinking about it. Whatever you do, for the next 60 seconds, do not think about pink elephants!

How did you do? Did thoughts of pink elephants keep popping into your brain?

Trying to Stop Anxious Thoughts does not Work

Thought stopping” backfires because it forces you to pay extra attention to the very thought you want to avoid. You always have to be watching for it, and this very emphasis makes it seem even more important.

But that does not mean there is nothing you can do to control worry. You just need a different approach. This is where the strategy of postponing worrying comes in. Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until later.

Learn to Postpone Worrying

Create A Worry Period: Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. in the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it will not make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you are allowed to worry about whatever is on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry free zone.

Postpone Your Worry: If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it and then continue about your day. Remind yourself that you will have time to think about it later, so there is no need to worry about it right now.

Go over your Worry List during the Worry Period: If the thoughts you wrote down are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you have specified for your worry period. If they do not seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.

Postponing worrying is effective because it breaks the habit of dwelling on worries when you have got other things to do, yet there is no struggle to suppress the thought or judge it. You simply save it for later. And as you develop the ability to postpone your anxious thoughts, you will start to realise that you have more control than you think.

Ask Yourself if the Problem is Solvable

Research shows that while you are worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and makes you feel like you are getting something accomplished. But worrying and problem solving are two very different things.

Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, on the other hand, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend dwelling on worst case scenarios, you are no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen.

Distinguish between Solvable and Unsolvable Worries

If a worry pops into your head, start by asking yourself whether the problem is something you can actually solve. The following questions can help:

Is the problem something you are currently facing, rather than an imagery what if?

If the problem is an imaginary what if, how likely is it to happen? Is your concern realistic?

Can you do something about the problem or prepare for it, or is it out of control? 

Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For example, if you are worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to see about flexible payment options. Unproductive, unsolvable worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or “What if my child has an accident?”

If the worry is solvable, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect solution. Focus on the things you have the power to change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control. After you have evaluated your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you will feel much less worried.

Dealing with Unsolvable Worries

But what if the worry is not something you can solve? If you are a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts probably fall in this camp. In such cases, it is important to tune into your emotions.

As previously mentioned, worrying helps you avoid unpleasant emotions. Worrying keeps you in your head, thinking about how to solve problems rather than allowing yourself to feel the underlying emotions. But you cannot worry your emotions away. While you are worrying, your feelings are temporarily suppressed, but as soon as you stop, they bounce back. And then, you start worrying about your feelings: “What is wrong with me? I should not feel this way!”

The only way out of this vicious cycle is by learning to embrace your feelings. This may seem scary at first because of negative beliefs you have about emotions. For example, you may believe that you should always be rational and in control, that your feelings should always make sense, or that you should not feel certain emotions, such as fear or anger.

The truth is that emotions, like life, are messy. They do not always make sense and they are not always pleasant. But as long as you can accept your feelings as part of being human, you will be able to experience them without becoming overwhelmed and learn how to use them to your advantage. The following tips will help you find a better balance between your intellect and your emotions.

Accept Uncertainty

The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in anxiety and worry. Chronic worriers cannot stand doubt or unpredictability. They need to know with 100 percent certainty what is going to happen. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future has in store.,a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it does not work.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong does not make life any more predictable. You may feel safer when you are worrying, but it is just an illusion. Focusing on worst case scenarios will noy keep bad things from happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. So if you want to stop worrying, start by tackling your need for certainty and immediate answers.

Accept Uncertainty, The Key to Anxiety Relief

To understand the problems of refusing to accept uncertainty, ask yourself the following four questions and write down your responses.

Is it possible to be certain about everything in life?

What are the advantages of requiring certainty, versus the disadvantages? Or, how is needing certainty in life helpful and unhelpful? Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? Is this a reasonable thing to do? What is the likelihood of positive or neutral outcomes?

Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? Is this a reasonable thing to do? What is the likelihood of positive or neutral outcomes?

Is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative may happen, given that its likelihood is very low? (Accepting Uncertainty, Centre for Clinical Interventions)

Challenge Anxious Thoughts

If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worries, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more dangerous than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst case scenarios, or treat every negative thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems, assuming you will fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.

Although cognitive distortions are not based on reality, they are not easy to give up. Often, they are part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that has become so automatic you are not even completely aware of it. In order to break these bad thinking habits and stop the worry and anxiety they bring, you must retrain your brain.

Start by identifying the frightening thought, being as detailed as possible about what scares or worries you. Then, instead of viewing your thoughts as facts, treat them as hypotheses you are testing out. As you examine and challenge your worries and fears, you will develop a more balanced perspective.

What is the evidence that the thought is true? That it is not true?

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the  situation?

What is the probability that what I am scared of will actually happen? If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?

Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?

What would I say to a friend who had this worry?

Be Aware of how others affect You

How you feel is affected by the company you keep, whether you are aware of it or not. Studies show that emotions are contagious. We quickly “catch” moods from other people,even from strangers who never speak a word (e.g. the terrified woman sitting next to you on the plane; the fuming man in the checkout line). The people you spend a lot of time with have an even greater impact on your mental state.

Keep a worry diary. You may not be aware of how people or situations are affecting you. Maybe this is the way it ha always been in your family, or you have been dealing with the stress so long that it feels normal. Try keeping a worry diary for a week or so. Every time you start to worry, jot down the thought and what triggered it. Over time, you will start to see patterns.

Spend less time with people who make you anxious. Is there someone in your life who drags you down or always seems to leave you feeling stressed? Think about cutting back on the time you spend with that person or establish healthier relationship boundaries. For example, you might set certain topics off limits, if you know that talking about them with that person makes you anxious.

Choose your confidantes carefully. Know who to talk to about situations that make you anxious. Some people will help you gain perspective, while others will feed into your worries, doubts, and fears.

Practise Mindfulness

Worrying is usually focused on the future on what might happen and what you will do about it. The centuries old practice of mindfulness can help you break free from your worries by bringing your attention back to the present. In contrast to the previous techniques of challenging your anxious thoughts or postponing them to a worry period, this strategy is based on observing and then letting them go. Together, they can help you identify where your thinking is causing problems, while helping you get in touch with your emotions.

Acknowledge and observe your anxious thoughts and feelings. Do not try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.

Let your worries go. Notice that when you do not try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they soon pass, like clouds moving across the sky. It’is only when you engage your worries that you get stuck.

Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment.

Using mindfulness meditation to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes practice to reap the benefits. At first, you will probably find that your mind keeps wandering back to your worries. Try not to get frustrated. Each time you draw your focus back to the present, you are reinforcing a new mental habit that will help you break free of the negative worry cycle.

With thanks to Melinda Smith, M.A., Robert Segal, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm

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Life's Lessons And Failures Help You Grow

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of a greater or equal benefit.” - Napoleon Hill

We have all heard the sayings “To err is human” and “you live and you learn”. We make mistakes every day, large and small, failures and faux pas. But failure and mistakes still do not feel like an awesome learning opportunity. Our shortcomings are what make us unique and we should embrace the stumbles and screw ups. But, it is a challenge for most of us. We live and act in ways to prevent mistakes by not taking risks, expanding our comfort zones or jumping outside the boxes we hide in. But our mistakes and failures are gifts, gems, guideposts in our learning and growth as people. So embrace failures, mistakes, screw ups and shortcomings because they not only make us uniquely who we are, but also teach us powerful lessons.

Mistakes teach us to clarify what we really want and how we want to live. 
The word mistake derives meaning only by comparison to what we desire, what we see as success. Noticing and admitting our mistakes helps us get in touch with our commitments, what we really want to be, do, and have. Mistakes wake us up and focus our attention like a flashing sign that says “fix this”. The urgency created causes us to focus on issues or problems that make us feel off track. Working on possible solutions, redefining what we want or expect by re-examining our values and goals can lead us to more clarity about our path.

Learn To to accept ourselves, that we can be flawed and loved. 
We can fully appreciate ourselves, even while acknowledging our screw ups. It is possible to laugh at our mistakes and then work hard to correct them. Most of us have a long history of putting ourselves down when we blow it. But it is a self defeating habit we must break so that we can start appreciating ourselves, mistakes and all. People who love and care about us will stick with us through all our flaws and floundering. Our not so perfectness is what makes us unique and we are loved for it. So we should give ourselves a break.

Accept our fallibility and face our fears. 
Sometimes even our best efforts just do not work out. We might do everything possible to achieve a certain result and still fail, again and again. When this happens we can admit that we are stuck. Facing mistakes often takes us straight to the heart of our fears. And when we experience and face those fears, they can disappear. When we are stuck and admit that we cannot do it alone it sends a signal and opens the door for help to show up. People, resources, and solutions will appear, especially when we ask for help.

Our Failures teach us about ourselves and how to tell our truth. 
It is natural to want to cover up our mistakes or be embarrassed by them. To feel like we wish we had a handy mistake eraser or remover. But being honest about our failures and limitations offer us opportunities to practice telling the truth. Admitting the truth allows us to expand our knowledge of self to know who we are. And thus, increases our capacity to change. It is like holding up a mirror to ourselves and really seeing. When we tell others about our mistakes, to let them really see us, allows us to let go of the embarrassment, shame and blame we may feel so that we can concentrate on learning and growing.

Through analysis and feedback, we learn what works, and what does not. 
It is a reality check. When we experience the consequences of mistakes, we get a clear message about which of our efforts are working and, which are not. The feedback we get from our mistakes can be the most specific, pointed, and powerful feedback we will ever get. Many times we can trace mistakes to recurring patterns of belief or behaviour, things we do, say, and think over and over again. When we spot and change a habit we may find that other areas of our lives change for the better. One way to gain maximum benefit from mistakes is to examine them through the filter of powerful questions: “How can I use this experience?”; “What will I do differently next time?”; “How will I be different in the future?” Questions like these lead to an inquiry that invites solutions.

Take responsibility for our Mistakes. 
Sometimes our instinctive reaction to a mistake is to shift blame elsewhere: “It is not my fault.” “You never told me about that,” Or the classic “I do not see how this has anything to do with me.” It is more empowering to look for our role in the mistake. Taking responsibility for a failure may not be fun. But the act of doing so points out what we can do differently next time. Investigating our role reminds us that our choices and our actions have a huge influence on the quality of our lives.

Learn to have integrity. 
Mistakes often happen when we break promises, over commit, agree to avoid conflict or fail to listen fully. Big mistakes often start as small errors. Over time, tiny choices that run counter to our values or goals can accumulate into breakdowns. Even our smallest choices have power, so it is important we pay attention to the integrity of the choices we make every day. Mistakes can be a signal that our words and our actions are out of alignment. In that case, we can re-examine our intentions, reconsider our commitments, and adjust our actions.

Engage in our lives and live fully. 
We are not our behaviours and we are more than our mistakes. We can remember that our history does not have to predict our future. And, then remember that we have an opportunity to go all in, to participate fully. Many people, when faced with a big mistake, begin to pull back and retreat. Instead, we can use the failure as evidence that we are growing, risking, and stretching to meet our potential. Mistakes help us to remember that we are not content to play it safe. That we understand that without risk there is sometimes no reward.

Inspire others. 
They may be inspired when we are courageous and make our private struggles public. They might decide to live differently. When a lifelong smoker who is dying of emphysema talks about the value of being smoke free, we are apt to listen. The same kind of contribution also occurs when we speak candidly about less serious mistakes. As parents we can teach our children that it is OK to fail because we are willing to let them see our failures and mistakes. This gives us opportunities to talk through what we could or would have done differently. These are powerful lessons for those around us.


With thanks to Lisabeth Saunders Medlock, Ph.D
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisabeth-saunders-medlock-phd/dont-fear-failure-9-powerful-lessons-we-can-learn-from-our-mistakes_b_6058380.html

Learn To Be At Peace With Yourself

Peace is one of the most important human experiences. If you do not have peace, then you are not able to appreciate whatever else you do have. In fact, you may not even be able to recognise the good in your life because you have not recognised the good in yourself, yet. Here are a few things that may be getting in your way:

Mistaking Peace for Unconsciousness

Sometimes people feel peaceful when they become very tired. Others think that peace is what you feel after having a few drinks or taking drugs. People use these substances, because they long for inner stillness and quiet. Being half asleep or desensitised by drugs or a few glasses of wine can keep you from feeling your anxiety, fear, anger, resentment or worry. But this relief only lasts a short time. That turmoil is still there because, peace is not unconsciousness. Peace is not being asleep or being numb. It is the opposite. It is a state of heightened aliveness, when we become more conscious rather than less. This requires an awareness of the kinds of thoughts that habitually go through your mind.

Mistake Peace for Happiness

Many people think of happiness as a goal, something you are working toward that will eventually make you feel good or at peace with your life. However, happiness is usually associated with a high that occurs when something nice happens. You feel happy when you get a new job or find a $100 bill on the street. You feel happy leaving for a vacation. But very often the vacation does not turn out the way it is supposed to, or it comes to an end.  Whilst on that vacation you only think about the problems you are going to find when you come back home. In all of these cases, the happiness is temporary. After a while it subsides, and then, quite often, you will even feel suddenly low. Because happiness is not peace.

Happiness is actually quite superficial, whereas peace is deeper. Peace is immune to the polarities of life, the highs and lows, the hot and cold, the so called good and bad times. This is why peace is so crucial. Nobody goes through life without encountering all these experiences, inspiring or upsetting. When someone close to you dies, you have a health problem or you lose your possessions, you probably cannot feel happy. Nobody could. But do you need to feel in absolute despair? Do you need to feel devastated? If you are at peace and connected with that deeper level in you, those kind of emotional extremes do not occur. You will have a calm that is not affected by whatever happens in the world, because you have an acceptance and understanding of whatever happens in the world.

Keep Looking Ahead or at the Past
All too often there is something that has not happened yet , or something that already has, which seems to prevent you from inner peace. There is the job you did not get or the job you lost. There is the child you have not had or the child that you used to be. But ultimately these are misperceptions, it is your mind keeping you from peace, especially the thoughts that you keep having.

The little voice in your head takes you away from what is happening now. You are out in some future moment where things might go wrong or you are trapped in the past where you are continuously replaying an old movie in your mind, about the time you failed a school examination or someone said something unkind. You are stuck, but you cannot see it. The movie feels like an absolute reality, and it keeps you from acknowledging or appreciating life as it is now. But it is not reality. You cannot see the present. You are too busy with where you want to be next, or where you were, which causes continual stress. The only solution is awareness,  that the voice in your head is really just repeating thoughts, no more, no less.

Straying Away from the Present Moment

Not only does your mind stray away from the calm of the present moment, it also judges and interprets such a moment, usually negatively. For example, pretend a co-worker has just received a promotion, the voice in your head says that you should have been given that promotion or that your boss just prefers that co-worker, even though you are the stronger candidate.

In this case and, most cases, it is not the external circumstance (not getting the job) that is making you unhappy but, what you are telling yourself about those circumstances ("It is not fair!"). In other words, your thoughts are making you unhappy. When you change this habit, you will stop resisting what is happening in your life. You can become friendly with the present moment and find an opening into the spiritual dimension. This is one of the most important spiritual practices in the search for peace. Old irritations, like being trapped in a traffic jam, are no longer upsetting or anxiety provoking. You become internally aligned with the reality of what is happening: You are in a car, you are not moving, that is all. You do not have a problem, right this second. You might even notice a mother singing to a child in a neighbouring car or the vibrant blue of the sky. You have become friendly with life itself, and with the experiences offered you everywhere.

Not Fully Trusting...Yet

There is an intelligence in the movement of life, which goes far beyond the limited intelligence of your thinking mind. This is the spirit. When you begin to trust in your spirit and life itself, you begin to feel a peace. You are no longer separate from that greater intelligence from which life unfolds, you are no longer to trying to get somewhere else or find something missing.

The old religious word for this kind of trust is "faith." Some Christians would say they have faith in God, some would say they have faith in a higher power, but whatever name people choose, they are talking about that which underlies all life. Peace comes from this trust. Peace comes from being aligned with the present moment. Wherever you are, you feel that you are home, because you are home.

With thanks to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah

 http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Why-Youre-Not-at-Peace-Yet-How-to-Find-Peace-Eckhart-Tolle/2

Tough Times Do Not Last But Tough People Do

Ninety-five percent of all new businesses go out of business within the first five years or less. Why do they fail? There are many starters in life, but very few finish what they start. When the going gets tough, most people fold. They do not persist hard enough or persevere long enough.They do not have a red hot burning desire to succeed or make it their definite major purpose. Nor do they take enough personal initiative to make it happen, or go the extra mile. They do not want it bad enough or have sufficient self control and discipline. Shall I go on? A book could be written on why so many people fail, but, let us rather talk about those who do succeed.

There are three kinds of people: people who make things happen -- people who watch someone else make it happen -- and people who do not know what is happening.

The Make It Happen People

Thomas Edison persisted through 4,999 different attempts to invent and perfect the incandescent lamp. He finally succeeded on his 5,000th attempt. This is a recorded fact. What do you suppose he had that others did not have? Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they do not quit. Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.

"Never, never, never, never give up" --Winston Churchill

"The majority of people meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in
creating new plans to take the place of those which fail" --Napoleon Hill

What is persistence? It is the power to hold on in spite of everything, to endure. This is the winner's quality. Persistence is the ability to face defeat again and again without giving up, to push on in the face of adversity. Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle, to do all that is necessary to reach your goals. To go on resolutely, in spite of difficulties with the power of endurance. Having a fixed purpose, free from doubt or wavering. Firm in adherence to whatever one is bound to by duty or promise. Stubborn, unyielding, never giving up or surrendering. Be willing to die for the goal. Unyielding to physical force, even when tortured and would rather die than betray or give up information. Refusing to relent. To be steadfast in purpose. To prevail, endure, remain, last.

The Greatest Tragedy In Life

Millions of people come into this world and leave this world and never realise or develop their full powers and potential. They bargained in life for a penny, and life would pay no more, not realising that any wage they would have asked of life, life would have gladly paid. Some of those people never even tried, they just settled for mediocrity. Others had a dream, an idea, a desire or goal, and decided to go for it, but then dropped out when the going got tough. There are many starters in life, but very few finish. Too many people give up on their dreams too soon in life.

No matter what the level of our ability, we have more potential than we can ever develop in a lifetime. Deep within every man and woman dwells those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish them, which they never dreamed of possessing. Forces that would revolutionise their life if aroused and put into action.

Potential means: undeveloped and unrealised powers, possibilities, and capabilities that can but, have not yet come into being. In other words, the best is yet to come! You have powers and talent you have not yet developed or used. You also have dreams and fantasies you have not yet realised. Your unlimited possibilities are still alive, just waiting for you to give them power.

Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do

How would you like to see a permanent end to all of your problems? We all have problems, and our problems only end when we do. The only people without problems are in the cemetery. I would like to stick around, problems and all. How about you?

No matter what problems you have to face today, there is a solution, because you have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts. As long as you think that your destiny is in the hands of other people, the situation is hopeless. You will need to confront your problems with courage, boldness and action.

There is an old Chinese saying that goes, "If you live with a problem long enough, it could eventually become a blessing." Within every adversity in life, there is always a seed of an equivalent or greater benefit". We just have to look for it, find it, and act on it.

We learn courage when we face danger. We learn patience when we endure suffering. We learn tenderness when we taste pain. We learn to prize true friends when false ones forsake us. We treasure health when illness strikes. We learn to prize freedom when we are in danger of losing it. Without trouble we would be like plants that have sprouted, grown and been nurtured in the overprotected shelter of a hothouse, too tender ever to live in the open. How can you possibly become a strong person, if you have an easy life? The tougher it is, the tougher you have a chance to become, if you choose to fight back.

When you see a highly decorated military person all dressed up with rows of battle ribbons and awards on their chest, you are looking at someone who courageously faced and conquered danger, hardships, adversities, problems, life threatening situations, torture, injury, and heartbreak, watching their buddies die agonising deaths. These people had fortitude, the ability to endure and last. They would not quit, give up or run away. Yes there were times, I am sure they knew, when they bit off more than they could chew, but through it all when there was doubt, they ate it up and spat it out. The records show, they took the blows, and did it their way.

We do not just get the sweet out of life without the bitter, even though we would like to, but we do not. The sun does not always shine; sometimes there are storms, tornadoes, earthquakes, car accidents, fires and death. No one escapes the problems of life. If it does not happen sooner in life, it will happen later. We can overcome just about any problem, obstacle, or adversity that life deals us, if we have a strong enough will. Where there is a will, there is a way. Create a "bulldog" determination and a "burning desire," that will eventually mow down all opposition.

"Success is not measured by what a person accomplishes, but by the
opposition they have encountered, and by the courage with which they have
maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds" --Charles Lindberg

Do not pray for an easy life, without problems, pray to become a strong person. The higher you go in life, the more problems you will have to deal with.

"A quitter never wins and a winner never quits" - Napoleon Hill

With thanks to Rick Gettle https://trans4mind.com/counterpoint/index-success-abundance/gettle.shtml

Get Out Of Your Own Way

The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings. - Henry Ward Beecher

Does it sometimes feel as though life’s richest blessings are passing you by? Do you ever feel like everyone around you is blessed and that you have been singled out and overlooked? It is very easy to feel a little cheated when you look at how much your friends and family members have. Their happiness seems to know no bounds. And every venture they undertake always yields success.

You feel as though you deserve all those blessings too. And, you are more than able to get them. All it takes is a little knowledge of how to make room for them in your life. Once you get into the habit of using these suggestions, you can expect to see things turn around in your life:

Grudges Be Gone

One of the easiest ways to prevent yourself from receiving blessings is to hold on to grudges. Avoiding forgiveness only clouds your heart with negative energy. Pretty soon, even the blessings in your life seem like burdens to you.

Give it a try. Make an honest attempt at forgiving your co-worker for portraying you in a less than flattering light. As hard as it is, you will instantly feel lighter when you allow yourself to forgive.

If an issue is beyond resolution, make up your mind that you will take the high road. Agree to disagree and move on to better things.

Always Be Kind

You can always rely on the fact that kindness to others results in kindness coming back to you. What you throw out to those around you has an interesting way of returning! Make every effort to be kind today.

There are many opportunities to be kind each day. How about that homeless person on the corner you pass by every day? Avoid holding your head straight when you pass. Smile and say good morning as you hand him a few coins.

Commit to only saying kind words about others today. Let this apply to even the people who have offended you.

Show Gratitude For The Smallest Blessings

Sure, you have your mind set on huge blessings. But have you taken the time to express gratitude for the small ones? Even though they are small, they are valuable. Avoid overlooking them if you want to continue receiving them!

Being able to see the sunrise each day is a blessing in itself! Consider how many people cannot enjoy that luxury.

Bring Your A-Game Every Time

Everything you are tasked to do is worth doing well. The onus is on you to produce the best quality work you can. And it is also your responsibility to put in maximum effort. The rewards are sure to come when you do.

Overlook the fact that there has not been a pay increase for the last six months. Keep working anyway. When you got the job, you committed to performing at a certain standard.

Stick to your commitment. You will be rewarded with awesome blessings at the right time.

You Cannot Carry Old Baggage Into New Blessings 

Baggage can come in the form of sadness or depression. Perhaps you have just left an unhealthy relationship. Or you are at odds with your oldest friend. Whatever it is, let it go so you can focus on being a happier, healthier you.

Wallowing in sadness may feel good for now. But consider how it is affecting your ability to see greater opportunities.

If all you can see is darkness, you will likely only receive negativity in your life. Free yourself of the weight of baggage.

As you allow yourself to implement each of these changes, you can expect wonderful blessings to flow. Take the time to build your pool of blessings. You have the key to open the door to the best that life has in store!

With thanks to Martina McGowen MD

http://martinamcgowan.com/2014/07/get-out-of-your-own-way-to-make-room-for-new-blessings/

Conquer Your Limiting Beliefs

Sometimes, it can feel like everyone else is achieving his or her goals in life, while you are left struggling to figure out who you are meant to be or what you want to do. You just cannot seem to make the leap from where you are to where you want to be.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Luckily, there are methods to identify what is holding you back. Whether it is fear, limiting beliefs, or the unconscious mind. Then eliminate each obstacle to reach your goals.

Remember, that you are the only one who has the power to either move forward or hold yourself back.

How To Identify The Obstacles

Excuses, which are often driven by fear, insecurity, or complacency, can hold you back.

Limiting beliefs, which can be influenced by an event or circumstance in your past that made you feel powerless, can also hinder your progress in life.

These beliefs exist on an unconscious level and they drive your every thought, word, and action. They are, in large part, what creates your reality. They are also responsible for creating the discrepancy between what we say we want and what we actually do.

Imagine that embedded deep in your unconscious mind you are following an internal set of instructions that determines how you think and behave in every moment of every day. This programming was installed in your unconscious mind as a result of experiences and the meaning you placed on them.

If the experiences you had were positive, you created an empowering internal representation. If your experiences were negative, you more than likely made them mean something negative about yourself, others, or the world. This is how your limiting beliefs were formed.

Sometimes, it can be easy to spot a pattern of negative emotions, excuses, or limiting beliefs because it permeates your conversations or thoughts. Other times, it can be more difficult to pinpoint the obstacles because there is often a layer of truth in an excuse. It can be particularly difficult when there is evidence that proves the limitation you are arguing for.

Steps To Work Through Limiting Beliefs

Think of something you want and then ask yourself why you do not have it. This will begin to reveal negative emotions and limiting beliefs, which end up being some form of resistance and excuses. Then, try journaling about an area of your life where you are experiencing some frustration or where you have not been able to achieve something you desire.

Next, become aware of the negative voice that tells you that you are not good enough, or that you cannot have it all. Notice the feelings that arise within you, and begin to write about them.

Take a moment to consider the earliest time in your life when you first experienced these feelings. It will probably be sometime before you turned 11 years old, a time known as imprinting years. What happened? Who was there? Let yourself see that you made a negative decision about yourself or others based on what happened. How did this decision affect you at the time? How has it limited you since then, and how is it holding you back now? Spend a few minutes writing about this.

Consider what you learned from this event to help you see this negative experience as something more positive and even empowering.

Once you have chosen an empowering statement or belief to replace the old one, write it down, and come up with a commitment that you will make in the next two days to move you toward what you truly desire. This should be a specific action or a behaviour that another person would be able to recognise as having accomplished. 

You may also want to talk with a friend or work with a coach to help you see beyond your perceived limitations.

You should expect other obstacles to pop up as you move towards your goals. These could be a tendency to assign negative meaning experience, trepidation, or an inability to take a risk. Here is how to handle some of the most common obstacles you might encounter.  

Assigning Negative Meaning

Like most people, you probably have a negative voice that tries to tell you what you can and cannot do. 

When you listen to the voice of negativity, you may tell yourself that “because such and such happened, it is just not be meant to be” or “I will never have that.” You listen to the voice, and give up.

Look at where you have made assumptions or created a story around something that may not be true. Challenge yourself to assign a new, empowering meaning to the experience or situation.

Wait And See Syndrome

Have you ever been excited to jump on an opportunity because it felt right and it made logical sense but there was something screaming at you to just hold off and think about it longer? The “wait and see” approach is based on fear and is filtered through a person’s negative emotions and limiting beliefs.

When you take the wait and see approach, you will eventually stop seeing the opportunities that are right in front of you.

When opportunity knocks, you are being asked to heed your call. Evaluate the pros and cons. If only fear remains at the end of this evaluation, then jump. Do nat wait for the perfect moment; it might not ever come. Perfect moments are made.

Test The Water Tactic

Can you think of a time when you wanted something, but decided it would be best to just dip one toe in to test the water?

Hanging out in the gray zone creates confusion and conflict. The Universe responds to how much you put in. This is the law of cause and effect, which states that every action generates a force of energy that returns to it in like kind. What you put in is what you will get out of any situation. Make sure you are contributing positively.

Obstacles are a cause for celebration because they are mile markers on the path. Think about it, you would not come up against an obstacle unless you were closer to achieving your goal. Obstacles are your friends because they help you make strides, learn, and, ultimately, experience a level of pride after successfully getting through.

With thanks to Tris Thorp http://www.chopra.com/articles/how-to-identify%E2%80%94and-conquer%E2%80%94what-is-holding-you-back

Go With The Flow Of Life

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. You are the way you are and the people in your life are exactly the way that they are. This is true whether you like it or not.

When you fight and resist the way your life is, you create a state of fear and upset that almost always makes your situation worse.

You close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision, and you interact in a way that destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.

When we get upset, the upset seems to be caused by what happened, but this is not the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happened.

To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen to the upset if you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset because the upset was not caused by what happened. The upset was caused by your fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears. You create your own fear and upset by your resisting.

To handle a situation, you need action, not resisting. Resisting only destroys love and keeps you from seeing the action that you need to take.

If you could somehow let go of your resisting, you would restore your peace of mind. You would then be able to see your situation clearly and you would be able to see what needs to be done. You could then take the action you need to effectively handle your situation.

"Letting go" is the inner action that removes the resisting which in turn releases the fear and upset.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions that you could never have seen before. You become naturally effective.

To see this another way, let us look at the nature of fear.

Fear is created by the avoiding and resisting of some future possible event. For example,  you are resisting the possible loss of your relationship. The more you resist this loss, the greater your fear.

As your fear increases, so does the chance of your fear coming true. The greater your fear, the more you become threatened and the more you hang on. That in turn pushes the person further and further away. By avoiding and resisting this future possible event, you create a state of fear and upset that tends to bring you to the very event that you are avoiding.

To have a fear lose its power, you need to do the opposite of resisting. You need to be willing for the fear to happen. You do not have to like it, just be willing.

Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and is totally separate from your actions. It is the letting go that removes the fear and upset so that you can see what action works.

For example, in your heart, be willing to lose your relationship, but in your actions, do everything you can to have the person want to stay.

The moment you become willing to lose your relationship, fear and upset lose their power. You restore your peace of mind and your ability to see what needs to be done.

You can then interact in a way that creates love and greatly increases the chances of your relationship staying.

To let go and restore your peace of mind, you need to be willing for your life to be however it is and however it may become.

You do this by granting permission. "I give my spouse full permission to be exactly the way he or she is." "I am willing to lose my spouse." "I am willing to lose my job."

Let go of your demands and expectations for how your life should be and make peace with the way your life is. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great.

To make the process of letting go a little easier, there are two very important steps that you can take. The first step is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

Now this does not mean that life will turn out the way that you want it to. Life often does not. 

Trust is knowing that however life turns out, you will be fine.

When you know that you will be fine, letting go becomes relatively easy. You can then let go. You restore your effectiveness and life works out great. This then reinforces the trust.

When you do not trust, life becomes very difficult. You fight, resist and hang on. You then make everything worse, which reinforces "do not trust."

Trust is actually a choice. Trust is something you create. It is a declaration. "I will be okay no matter what happens. I trust, just because I say so."

Trust is also telling the truth. You really will be fine no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be fine.

The second and most important step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the sadness and all the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate.

This is important because the avoidance of this hurt is what causes you to resist.
We think that we are resisting our circumstances but we are not. We are resisting all the feelings and emotion that are being reactivated by our circumstances.

More accurately, we are resisting a very specific hurt from the past. We are resisting the hurt of feeling not good enough, worthless, not worth loving, or some other form of being not okay.

Once you find and heal this hurt, the need to resist or hang on disappears. You can then let go and take the action you need to effectively handle your situation.

With thanks to Bill Ferguson
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/ferguson4.html