Monday 24 December 2018

Christmas Blessings

I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas.

My Christmas blessings for you are:

• Happiness
May the new year be filled with endless 
joy and laughter, together with the
ones that you love,

• Abundance
May 2019 be the year where all of you
hopes and dreams materialise.

• Prosperity
May you achieve the success and
financial independence that you
desire in all aspects of your life

• Fulfilment
To do what you are truly passionate
about is the greatest blessing

Finally, I want to thank you for
being such an awesome reader.

It has been a pleasure to be part of
your life this year.. 


As a special thank you I have secured
a special gift for you.

Enjoy your festive season

Wednesday 7 November 2018

Listen To Your Body

You feel upset, but you do not really know what is wrong. You may not even know whether you are anxious, depressed or something else. You have some ideas, but you cannot
quite put the puzzle pieces together. Worse yet, you do not know where to start. But the signs are there in your body; all you have to do is learn how to read them.

Begin by simply paying attention to the sensations in your body. It may help to scan your body, perhaps starting with your toes and working your way up your legs and torso to the top of your head. Go slowly, noting any sensations, such as churning in your stomach, tension in your chest, or the welling of tears in your eyes. Do not try to do anything with these sensations. Just be aware. Stay with them. If they shift or change, be aware of that too.

Then observe whether emotions arise from these sensations. If you begin to feel a particular emotion, allow for it. It may intensify or weaken. It may change into another emotion, such as anger with a friend for not returning calls softening into sadness at the loss of your friendship. Or, it may be joined by other emotions, such as the anger continuing to rage even as the weight of sadness and loneliness settles in.

You might notice that you become distracted at times. This is common. Pain is something you will naturally want to avoid. Observe the distraction, perhaps even the desire to avoid your emotions, and then choose to return to them. If they feel particularly strong, you might find it helpful to reassure yourself that you will be okay.

Another way to allow for your emotions, (without becoming overwhelmed by them), is to watch them, as an observer would. In this way, you can feel your emotions, but you also maintain some distance. If, like many people, you become distracted with self-criticism, observe that. Choose to put it aside for the moment and return your focus to your sensations and emotions.

As you work through this exercise, attend to new insights about your struggles. You might realise that you have particular emotions that you have tried to calm with overeating or drugs or shopping. Or, discover how emotionally numb or disconnected you have become from your body.

Finally, acknowledge to yourself how your effort to pay attention to your body and your emotions has deepened your self-understanding. Repeat this exercise as many times as necessary, until you sense that you have a better grasp of what’ is wrong. This new insight is a worthy accomplishment, even as it is the start of a new journey towards healing.


With thanks to Leslie Becker-Phelps Ph.D.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/201810/not-sure-what-s-wrong-listen-your-body


Monday 15 October 2018

Take The Ultimate Journey

There is a wisdom that resides within all of us that is divinely connected to all that exists. This inner wisdom knows our deepest desires and what it will take for us to live a life that is fully expressed. To be fully expressed means that we are living in sync with the purpose for which we were intended. It means that we are living fully, healthfully and happily in all aspects of work, play and self-care. To be fully expressed means that we are not compromising in order to merely exist.
Mere existence involves living habitually, on automatic pilot and not “choosing” how our life will be expressed. Choosing can only happen from a place of deep centredness and from complete awareness. To be fully centred and aware requires a spiritual practice that involves establishing a connection with our “inner observing self”. The observing self is that part of our true self that is able to discern habit from essence and to be truly in line with our higher purpose.
 It is only by looking inward that we can begin to “take charge” of our life and “choose” how we will spend every ounce of energy that we have.
Begin by honestly taking a look at your life. "Is this the life I choose to live, am I compromising or selling out on myself in order to have an existence or to just exist"? "Am I truly doing and being what I believe I have come to earth to be and accomplish"?  If there are ways that you answer no to these questions, then make a pact with yourself that requires you to institute a change daily. Sometimes it helps to share this new “intention” with someone else, a best friend, a spiritual adviser, or life coach.
Recognise that each time you place a new intention into existence, that all of the obstacles possible will present themselves in order to detour you from your path. This is the universe’s way of testing you to make sure that you really want to live authentically in each and every day. Do not give up! Hold fast to the new intention that will take you one step closer to the divine and true expression of who you truly are.
FEAR is our greatest obstacle. It tells us that we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, fast enough It is vital that we look deeply into fear and realise that this is just a lower aspect of our self that is trying to keep us from our true purpose or course that is a divine birth right to all of us. I remember cartoons from my childhood that often depicted an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other. To me this cartoon is a reminder of the choice that is ever present to each one of us. Will we choose the lower side of the self, our personality the little devil, or will we choose the angel, the side of us that is fully aligned with the divine or higher purpose that enables us to live life fully expressed?
Dr. David Daniels reminds us that consciousness or awareness is never habitual but must be worked on. Habit is always habit and it is willing to reassert itself into our lives non stop.  Take time to look inside, establish the observing self, and find your true journey that will enable you to be fully expressed. Give yourself permission to choose a new course of action every day. Invite someone into your life that will help you stay accountable to yourself and the journey. It is so easy to talk yourself out of the path that is divinely yours. Stay true to a spiritual practice that will help you to reveal the true inner/outer path for your life.
 The purpose of life is to express your self fully in each and every moment, to be the divine creation that you were intended to be. Accept nothing less for your self. Recognise those “little devils” that convince you to just exist not live and just say NO to them.
 Blessings on your journey!
With thanks to Deborah Ooten

Monday 24 September 2018

Learn To Handle The Rough With The Smooth

No matter how confident and strong you are, you will have to deal with rough times at some point in your life. Hope is not about who is strong and who is weak, it is easy to lose it without noticing it. Hope can either enable you to step forward or give up on your dreams. Sometimes we feel like there is no way out, but hope is always here regardless of the situation. People coping with depression will say that hope does not exist. If you are going through a rough time and think the same way, here is how to never lose hope and live a positive life no matter what.

There Is No Perfect Life
Perfection does not exist. Your life will never be perfect no matter how hard you try. Your life can be happy, miserable or boring, but not perfect. If you choose to live a happy life, hope will always be with you. Learn how to turn your failures and disappointment into success, cultivate positive thinking, and try to surround yourself with positive people. 

Have A Plan
Life without a plan is a hopeless life. You probably have many goals and dreams, but do you have an actual plan? Do you know what you should do each day to reach your goals? Your plan inspires you to work hard and never give up. It makes you more ambitious and assertive. It shows you the right direction and helps you be successful. If you do not have a plan yet, today is a good day to make it.

Cultivate Long Term Thinking
When you think in the long term, it is harder to lose hope. For instance, you have just got been paidand think what to buy. You can spend all money at once, or think in the long term and spend your cash when you really need to buy something. Thinking in the short term leads to nowhere, which is why you can lose hope and set wrong life goals. Cultivate long term thinking on a daily basis to live a brighter life.

Do Not Let Others Take You For Granted
When you feel like no one respects you, you lose hope and your life seems to be pointless. Your boss asks you to work overtime each day and you are afraid to say no because you love your job. Your partner tells you should change your plans today and you change them because you don’t want to upset him. Your friend asks you to do something for her and you spend the whole night doing that thing because you don’t have time to do it during the day. The problem is, you let people take you for granted. Learn how to say no when you don’t feel like doing something. People will respect you more than ever.

Find Someone Who Has A Similar Goal
If you can’t drop weight, develop healthy habits, break bad habits or reach any career goal, find someone who has a similar goal or dream as you. This way, you won’t let each other to lose hope and definitely achieve that goal. My neighbor and I have a similar goal – we both wanted to get fit till the summer. Every morning I knew that I had to wake up early to run, because she’s waiting for me. We accomplished our goal thanks to each other.

Get Out Of Your Rut Once A Week 
Being busy every single day is very popular these days, which is why so many people suffer from serious diseases. Your body and your mind need some rest. At least once a week forget about your tasks, projects, household chores, TV shows, social media and phone. Take a small trip to a less crowded place, where you’ll have an opportunity to spend some me time. If you live alone and you know no one will disturb you today, then relax at home. But again, switch off your laptop, phone and TV.
When a person loses hope, they lose their purpose in life and stop living a fulfilling life. Having a bad day isn’t the end of the world. Making a mistake isn’t a reason to give up. Stay strong and you will never lose your hope. What are your secrets of a happy life?
Sorry it has been a while!
With thanks to Catalina in Womenosophy 

Thursday 16 August 2018

Spiritual Housekeeping

Have you ever experienced a time where everything seems to be going wrong and, you feel stuck and being blocked from moving forward? Well, it could be that you and your house need a spiritual cleanse. Would you like to know how to cleanse your house and body of bad vibes? There are many different tools and methods you can use, but here are a few ways that are sure to make your space sparkle. If you want to live life at the highest vibrations, learn how to remove negative energy from your home and body, and get ready to experience the ultimate in domestic bliss and tranquility. Taking a cue from the ancient traditions of indigenous cultures from around the world, it is time to trade in synthetic fragrances and petroleum based cleaners for our favorite space cleansing essentials, Sage, Frankincense, Copal, and of course, healing crystals.
But that is only scratching the surface. There are also powerful healing salts, the sacred Palo Santo Wood and much more. When you make energy cleansing a part of your daily wellness routine, the extra effort will be worth it, especially when you are radiating with light and love. Clearing and purifying your space also helps boost the healing energy of crystals, which act as energy amplifiers.
You do not have to be a Zen master to notice if the energy feels stagnant and stuck in your home. Simply take a moment to notice if you or your environment feels heavy. In the hectic pace of the modern world, it is not uncommon to come home from a long day at work feeling overwhelmed. Also, any time you or someone in your home has an argument, the bad energy often accumulates in different pockets of a room. The same goes for the healing process. If you or a loved one are fighting an illness, it is time for a quick space cleansing ritual.
We know what you are probably thinking. Here is yet another chore to add to your list of to-dos. But all it takes is 5 to 10 minutes once or twice a week to truly transform your life. A pure and cleansed environment is also vital for enhancing the healing energy of crystals. Before you bring crystals into your home, purify your space first so that it amplifies the energy that is already there.
Negative energy seeps into our space constantly so it is important to keep a positive flow throughout your environment with Sage house cleansing rituals. When your home is purified, it restores balance and harmony to your life, which is essential for giving you and your family a happy and healthy place for deep healing and rejuvenating the spirit. When you make energy cleansing a part of your everyday routine, it is the perfect remedy for easing the stress and anxiety that comes from the demands of modern living.

Cleansing Your House and Office
It all begins with your mindset. Imagine a white light around you and the rest of your space. Pure white is associated with protection and purity, and, is thought to be the true colour of the soul. Start by imagining this internal white light as coming from the centre of your body and radiating around your home, filling each room with pure white light. 
Use Incense. Burning sage is one of the easiest and quickest ways for getting rid of negative energy. Native Americans have considered Sage a sacred plant for thousands of years. This multi purpose plant was used for energy cleansing, ritual ceremonies, and healing. Today, medicine people continue to use Sage to help restore vitality and health to sick tribal members. It works by neutralising your energy field, a subtle yet powerful process that sharpens and enhances intuition.
Sage is powerful on its own, but adding Frankincense into the mix is excellent for chasing away bad frequencies. The earthy, woody smell of dried sage is not for everyone, which is why Frankincense makes a wonderful alternative. Nicknamed the “transformer,” its powerful, detoxifying and purifying energy gives off a sweet, honey like aroma that helps to shift negative energy. Also known as “liquid gold,” Frankincense is known to provide protection, elevate spiritual awareness, and ease feelings of stress and anxiety.
By incorporating these cleansing practices into your life once or twice a week you will be amazed at the results. With any cleansing ritual, it is important to be mindful of the present moment so that you can purify your space with a clear intention. 
First, open the doors and windows so that negative energy can have a place to escape. Pull up blinds and let in as much light as possible. In fact, it is ideal to carry out this cleansing ritual during the day, particularly when the sun is shining.
Sweep the entrances to your home and do a light dusting around the house. It might seem obvious, but when your home sparkles, your spirit is sure to follow.
Starting at the front door, light a Sage Stick and gently blow on it until a large amount of smoke billows up. Keep a heat resistant container handy to catch any fallen embers.
Walk clockwise around your home, making sure to smudge all corners, including closets. Use a feather to waft smoke all the way up to the ceilings. Do not worry about your house getting too smoky because it can easily escape out of the open doors and windows, taking the bad energy with it. Do not forget to sage the bathroom. As you smudge each room, say a special cleansing prayer or intention out loud, which will help amplify its cleansing powers.
Add Fresh Flowers, Flowers are a must have for any room in the house, because it shows that your home is a beautiful and special space, a sacred temple of love and happiness. After cleansing your environment, take a glass bowl, fill it up with water, and add your favourite flowers. Place it at the front door, on an altar, or on your kitchen table.
Sound.  A quiet environment is like a haunted house. It can quickly fill up with negative vibes, which is why sound can replace that energy with warm, feel good vibes. Stagnant energy often accumulates in corners, so we recommend that you go to each corner and clap your hands up and down or gently ring a bell. Another popular tradition is the singing bowl, which creates gentle healing vibrations that can be felt on a physical and spiritual level. Combining sounds with sage smoke is a powerful combo for breaking up stuck energy.
Salt the Corners of Each Room. Sea salt works like a vacuum by sucking up bad energy and expelling it with a powerful force. Sprinkle salt into the four corners of each room and let it sit for 48 hours. To boost the cleansing effects even more, grind up saffron and mix it into the salt. After 48 hours, sweep or vacuum the salt and flush it down the toilet.
Use Candles to Remove Negative Energy. White candles have been used for centuries to remove toxic vibes from a space. Using a cleansing candle containing the therapeutic oils of rosemary mixed with yellow and green wax makes its cleansing effects even more powerful. Whenever you feel stuck or overwhelmed by an abundance of negative energy, let its light, clean scent and gentle ambiance give you a renewed sense of inspiration and creativity. Try buying unscented tea lights and adding droplets of essential oils (that you mix, make or buy) to create a calming personalised aroma.
Shake out the house with the pots and pans. Some people think of this as a New Year's traditions. It supposedly chases away the ghosts of the previous year. But this practice is not just reserved for January the 1st. Banging the post and pans around the house shakes out the bad energy and moves it out 
Cleansing with Crystals. Now that your space is thoroughly cleansed, it is time for the fun part, healing crystals!
Amethyst. Ranging in color from dark purple to pale lilac, Amethyst brings an abundance of warm and buttery vibes into your home, which makes it an excellent addition to any room. It works as a natural filtration system that absorbs negativity and transforms it into vibrations of pure love and harmony.
Selenite. The crystal version of Sage, Selenite Healing Wands help to clear and purify your space, especially when you place it on windowsills. It works by blocking bad vibes that can seep into your house through the doors and windows. A must have for every spiritual warrior, Selenite fills your environment with radiance and purity.
Healing crystals are always absorbing and transmuting negative energy, so it is vital that you cleanse your crystals on a weekly basis. Smudge the stones with Sage smoke and say your intention for each crystal out loud. This practice will help to program your stones so that they are amplifying positive vibes and working at their highest potential. Another popular cleansing method involves putting them under the sunlight or moonlight for 12-24 hours, which works by recharging their energy with the dazzling light that comes from our miraculous universe.
Removing Negative Energy From Your Body 

When it comes to ridding the body of toxic energy, healthy eating is a good place to start but sometimes it takes more than organic salads and vitamins to tackle your inner demons. If you are feeling particularly heavy in the energy department, try these cleansing techniques and free yourself of bad thoughts that are holding you back from your true potential.
Forest Bathing. If you have got a case of the blues, it is time to get back to nature with forest bathing. Instead of walking the path in order to get from Point A to Point B, take your time to breathe in the incredible healing energy of the forest and its abundance of oxygen permeating the air. Bring along your favourite crystals, we recommend  Tree Agate, Agate and Aventurine and wander along the trail at your own pace, taking the time to notice the incredible miracle of life that surrounds you.
Conscious Breathing.  If you feel stressed or anxious, deep breathing is a simple and easy way to restore your mind, body, spirit to a place of peace and tranquility. Inhale positivity and exhale negativity. It is that easy.
Music. When it hits you, you feel no pain. That is the magic of music. Even after cleansing rituals, bad thoughts can still persist, so put them to rest with a collection of your favourite songs. Playing an instrument is also an excellent way to stay in the present moment because when you are concentrating on notes and chords, you do not have time for any negative thoughts to get in the way.
Dance in Your Living Room. Even if you have two left feet, play the dance music you love, turn up the volume, and dance like no one is watching. You will be amazed at how easy it is to shake off a case of the blues. Plus, it is cheaper than therapy and a lot more fun!
Purifying Bath. Water is incredibly healing on its own, so when you add the powerful cleansing and rejuvenating powers of Himalayan sea salt, it makes your bath even more restorative. Add 2-4 pieces of Himalayan salt rocks to your bath, a few drops of your favourite essential oils, and healing crystals like Amethyst, Aventurine, and Rose Quartz.
Stress Reducing Facial Grid. We might not realise it, but many of us hold tension in our faces. Release everyday stress and calm the mind with Fluorite, Amethyst, and Celestite, a crystal powerhouse of peaceful energies that work to relax the mind,body and spirit. Place the crystals on places where you feel tension, such as your forehead, and feel your face being renewed and rejuvenated. 
Now that you know how to cleanse your house with sage, healing crystals, and other sacred cleansing tools, it is time for all the dream crushers, energy vampires, and your own inner critic to get the heck out of your life because your spiritual transformation is just getting started.

Wednesday 25 July 2018

Always Have An Open Mind

To have an open mind means to be willing to consider or receive new and different ideas. It means being flexible and adaptive to new experiences and ideas.
Cultivating an open mind is another valuable outcome of critical thinking and reasoning.
Now more than ever we live in a world that is constantly changing.
In order to keep up, we must be open to new experiences and new ways of looking at things. If we do not stay current we will miss out on the wonderful new technologies such as the Internet, cell phones, digital photography, ipods, etc. that are making our lives easier and more interesting every day.
People who are open minded are willing to change their views when presented with new facts and evidence. Those who are not, and are resistant to change will find life less rewarding and satisfying, not to mention dull.
If we limit ourselves to what we knew and were more comfortable with in the past, we will become more and more frustrated.
Society as a whole has become more liberal, and circumstances that were not acceptable years ago are accepted now.
If we choose to approach life in the same way day after day, as well as becoming bored and uninspired, we will reduce our intellectual aptitude.
If, on the other hand, we seek new ways of doing and looking at things, we will expand our intellectual capability, find life more exciting, and broaden our experiences.
Being open minded also helps us with problem solving. First it helps us look at more than one way to approach a problem; then we find more expansive, ways of solving it. When we give ourselves more options, better solutions are undoubtedly more available to us.
Ultimately, having an open mind helps us expand our horizons and be more diverse and interesting people.
People who are open minded:
Are more accepting of others and have fewer prejudices.
Are more optimistic and make the most of life.
Have less stress because they are more open to change 
Have better problem solving skills

Want to learn more, therefore are more interesting 


With thanks to Z Hereford https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/openmind.html
Sorry it has been a while!

Wednesday 27 June 2018

Your Thoughts Determine The Quality Of Your Life

Did you know that we have over 60,000 thoughts every day and around 70% of these are the same thoughts as the day before?
How is your 'thought life' right now? Do you generally feel like you are in control of your life and have positive thoughts about yourself and the world around you? Or do you feel washed along by life and find that you beat yourself up with the messages you play over and over in your mind?
Whatever we Focus on Increases in our Lives 
This starts with our thoughts which are incredibly powerful. Peace Pilgrim said "If you realised how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought."
What we think about affects the sorts of things that we say. The things we think and say affect the sorts of things that we do. The things we say and do become our habits. Ultimately we determine our character by the sum of our habits, which sets the course for the path of our lives.
This is great news! We can take control of our thoughts and determine the way our life turns out. Sure, you may not be able to control the thoughts that spring up in your mind from time to time, however, you can choose whether you continue to entertain them.
Often we have held thoughts for so long, we are no longer aware of how much they do affect us.
It can be like a negative cassette tape that keeps playing over and over in our mind. "I am stupid sometimes, I will not ever make it, I am too unfit, I am not good enough, They will not like me" We need to take control and hit the eject button and replace these old worn out tapes with positive messages that we choose to listen to.
Here are practical steps to help improve your mental chatter:
Monitor your thoughts
Be aware of the external influences you allow in your life. You chose the sort of people you spend time with and how much they influence you. You also chose the messages you read in books and magazines, the music you listen to and TV that you watch. These are like the seeds that will start your train of thought. Weeds will never grow into beautiful flowers, so protect your mind by protecting the seeds you allow to be planted there.
Direct your thoughts 
Once you realise that you have the remote control right there in your hand you can take charge. Choose the thought channels that you want to tune in to. Decide which ones to turn the volume up and down on. Be prepared to simply turn some channels off. It is up to you!
Feed your thoughts
Think of ways to feed your mind with positive things. Choose some statements to replace the old messages with and affirm these to yourself on a regular basis. You can even look yourself in the eye in a mirror and tell yourself some new truths to replace the old lies. "I am capable, I can do this, It will work, I am strong and fit." Hint, always say these in the present tense. Your subconscious will most likely take a little time to come on board and agree with this new way of thinking, so do not worry if its immediate reaction is "yeah right", persevere with it. You will see results!
Picture your mind like a sponge.
If the sponge is sitting in a puddle of dirty water its just going to be full of dirty water.
Choose today what you will fill your mind up with and continue to do so.

With thanks to Laura Parsons 

Friday 1 June 2018

Never Give Up Hope

No matter how confident and strong you are, you will have to deal with rough times at some point in your life. Hope is not about who is strong and who is weak, it is so easy to lose it without noticing. Hope can either enable you to step forward or give up on your dreams. Sometimes we feel like there is no way out but hope is always here regardless of the situation. If you are going through a rough time and think the same way, here is how to never lose hope and live a positive life no matter what.

There Is No Perfect life
Perfection does not exist. Your life will never be perfect no matter how hard you try. Your life can be happy, miserable or boring, but not perfect. If you choose to live a happy life, hope will always be with you. Learn how to turn your failures and disappointment into success, cultivate positive thinking, and try to surround yourself with positive people only.

Have A Plan
Life without a plan is a hopeless life. You probably have many goals and dreams, but do you have an actual plan? Do you know what you should do each day to reach your goals? Your plan inspires you to work hard and never give up. It makes you more ambitious and assertive. It shows you the right direction and helps you be successful. If you do not have a plan yet, today is a good day to make it.

Cultivate A Long Term Plan
When you think in the long term, it is harder to lose hope. For instance, you have just received your salary and think about what can you buy? You can spend all of the money at once, or think in the long term and spend your cash when you really need to buy something. Thinking in the short term leads to nowhere, which is why you can lose hope and set wrong life goals. Cultivate long term thinking on a daily basis to live a brighter life.

Do Not Let Other People Take You For Granted
When you feel like no one respects you, you lose hope and your life seems to be pointless. Your boss asks you to work overtime each day and you are afraid to say no because you love your job. Your partner tells you to change your plans today and you change them because you do not want to upset him. Your friend asks you to do something for her and you spend the whole night doing that thing because you do not have time to do it during the day. The problem is, you let people take you for granted. Learn how to say no when you do not feel like doing something. People will respect you more than ever.

Find Someone Who Has A Similar Goal
If you cannot drop your weight, develop healthy habits, break bad habits or reach any career goal, find someone who has a similar goal or dream as you. This way, you will not let each other lose hope and definitely achieve that goal. 

Follow Your Head
While it is great to trust your intuition and follow your heart, it is better to trust your mind when taking a serious decision, especially when it comes to relationships. Your heart may tell you that guy is nice and smart, but your mind will make you realise that he is a womaniser and you will not change him. Once you master the art of making any decision with your head, you will never lose hope of living a better life.

Get Out Of Your Rut Once A Week 
Being busy every single day has become part of our daily lives, which is why so many people suffer from serious diseases. Your body and your mind need some rest. At least once a week forget about your tasks, projects, household chores, TV shows, social media and phone. Take a small trip to a less crowded place, where you will have an opportunity to spend some me time. If you live alone and you know no one will disturb you today, then relax at home. But again, switch off your laptop, phone and TV.

When a person loses hope, they lose their purpose in life and stop living a fulfilling life. Having a bad day is not the end of the world. Making a mistake is not a reason to give up. Stay strong and you will never lose your hope. So what are your secrets for a happy life?

With thanks to Catalina https://womenosophy.com/ways-never-lose-hope

Wednesday 16 May 2018

Always Be Genuine

We tend to value "genuine" people and think poorly of those whom we perceive as being "fake", but why is that? After all, what motivates "fakeness" is an effort to appear more appealing or impressive, so should we not find people who care about our opinions more appealing than those who, by definition, do their own thing regardless of what we think?
Well, no, for three basic reasons:
We are much more likely to trust a genuine person than a fake one because we believe those who are true to themselves are also likely to be truer and more honest with us.
Genuineness can be associated with appealing traits, such as strength of character and emotional resilience, correctly so. As being true to yourself takes confidence, tenacity, and often even bravery. 
We are attracted to uniqueness and individuality, qualities genuine people usually have in spades.
Many journeys of self improvement and self discovery involve efforts to live a more authentic life. Adopting the following  habits can help you become a more genuine person. However, balance is important. Overdoing any of these might do more harm than good, so be sure to set moderate, not extreme, goals when it comes to working on them.
Genuine People Speak Their Mind 
This is actually a two step habit. They take time to figure out their own opinions and perspectives about things. They are not shy about sharing their well thought out opinions with others. The manner in which they share their opinions also matters. Genuine people are comfortable presenting their ideas without expecting or needing to convince others they are right. One thing that helps them get in touch with their true opinions and perspectives is....
Responding to Internal not External Expectations
They spend time thinking about and exploring their own beliefs, ideals, standards, and expectations because they rely on the answers to these questions to give them direction and purpose in life. Of course, identifying your own ideas and beliefs is not necessarily easy, since they can easily conflict with the beliefs and standards of the families, communities, and cultures in which you were raised. Indeed, being authentic is often associated with being brave because you are then likely to do the following...
Forge your Own Path
Being authentic is not just about what you think or say but what you do and how you are in the world. Being guided by an internal compass means not having to follow the conventional or typical routes others take to achieve their goals. Therefore, genuine people search for and discover their own unique way of pursuing their passions and purpose, often forging an entirely new path as they do. The risk of forging a new and unproven path is that not all your efforts will be successful. However...
Genuine people are not threatened by failure 
The reason most people follow conventional routes is they are supposedly "proven" and "safer," and therefore more likely to yield success. On the other hand, taking the road less (or never) traveled is risky and can lead to failure. Yet, genuine people do so because they are not threatened by the idea of failing. In fact, they view failure as an integral part of their journey, a source of learning, and an enriching experience from which they can grow. Because they find failures instructive rather than threatening...
Admit to your Faults
To be true to your feelings and opinions you must first be honest with yourself about your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour, which means confronting the good along with the bad. As such, genuine people are likely to recognise their faults and shortcomings, to accept them, and to take responsibility for their actions as a result. Indeed, their general ability to own their faults, mistakes, and failures extends beyond how they see themselves.
Do not be Judgmental of Others
Being honest about their own faults and embracing individuality and differences leads genuine people to be less judgmental and more accepting of the people around them. Their fundamental assumptions about human complexity and their reluctance to view people via the lens of bias or preconceived expectations allows them a purer perspective that usually leads to direct and honest interactions and relationships. And all of the habits listed above stem from one core psychological characteristic of genuine people.
Have Solid Self-Esteem 
Which is neither too high nor too low. (Narcissists, for example, have high but brittle self-esteem.) As a result, genuine people can tolerate and absorb failure and criticism, admit their faults, and be accepting of others because they are not threatened by imperfection. Indeed, having solid self-esteem means, by definition, that you can absorb both negative and positive feedback and acknowledge aspects of your character that might need work or improvement without diminishing your overall sense of self worth.
With thanks to Guy Winch Ph.D. 

Sunday 15 April 2018

Unleash Your Inner Strength

Imagine that it is finally happening; you have worked hard and you have a shot at your dream job. You made it through the first two interviews and it is down to the final three candidates.
The problem is now that the opportunity is so close at hand you are suddenly plagued with doubts. Are you really capable and smart enough to do the job and live up to the expectations that go with it? So many people will be counting on you, including your own family, and from what you have heard the other two candidates have a lot more experience, so why are they even considering you anyway?
As if the self-defeating questions are not bad enough, you have begun experiencing mental reruns of every mistake you have ever made, which immediately adds to the stress and doubts about your abilities.
What if you really cannot do the job? How can you possibly walk into that interview as calm and assured as you need to be? Maybe you are not as ready for this as you thought you were and it would be better to just make an excuse and cancel and avoid the embarrassment.
There are countless examples we could substitute for the job interview scenario. The point is that even under the best of circumstances our emotions can get away from us and overrule reality and all logical thinking.
But what if it were possible to regain focus and change our emotional state like a switch connected to a light bulb so that we could dissolve the fear and doubts and replace the negative emotions with confidence?
How would it change things in your own life if you could dismiss stress, frustration, and fear of failure and center yourself by tapping into your own inner strength?
Sounds pretty good, but what exactly IS inner strength and how does it work? More importantly, how do we learn to control it in a way that we can tap into it when we need it most?
Here are a few phrases typically used to define inner strength.
Confidence and power from inside.
Resoluteness of will.
Integrity of character.
Able to withstand pressure.
To rise above fear.
Internal energy to move one toward a purposeful life.
Typical advice on how to  build inner strength includes such tactics as thinking positive, keep track of your successes, and recite daily affirmations to remain calm, stay active, lean on family and friends and never give up.
While there is no question that each of these are a worthwhile activity, the missing element is a focused strategy designed to help you cultivate this highly desirable characteristic.
The Essential Keys To Unleash Your Inner Strength
You could think of building inner strength the way you would develop a muscle.
While it is true that some individuals seem to naturally come by their ability to remain unflappable regardless of the challenges they may face, we are all born with the ability to increase our capacity for inner strength by cultivating a balance between rational and emotional characteristics, specifically the following essential behaviours.
Meaning: Developing self-awareness and a clear sense of meaning in life. 
Accountability: Taking full responsibility for your choices and behaviours.
Emotional Mastery: Learning to understand and manage your emotions.
Of these three behaviours there is a tendency to find emotional mastery to be the most intimidating, but let us take a closer look at how these essential keys work together to not only build your capacity for inner strength but enable you to tap into its power when you need it most.

Meaning

All personal development is based on self-awareness and achieving sustainable change and growth requires exploring the motivation behind the choices you make every day and this is where “meaning” comes in.
The meaning you give to life represents your interpretation of your beliefs, experiences and your core mindset. It affects your view of the world. In other words, meaning is the “why” behind everything thing you do or do not do in life. The critical point to keep in mind is that you are the one who finds meaning in your life, no one else can do that for you.
Fortunately, you also have the power to change your interpretation to create a more desirable meaning. So for example if your belief about change is that it is a bad thing, then change is going to be a struggle, particularly if it is thrust upon you. But it is within your power to alter your interpretation to see change as an opportunity for growth.
When we are able to fully grasp the potential for this ability to positively affect our attitude toward our circumstances it is incredibly empowering and that is why it is an essential element of inner strength.

Accountability

The notion of taking full responsibility for one’s own life circumstances may be tough for some people to accept. After all, it does somewhat bump up against the reality that there are things that we have no control over. Nevertheless, the fact remains that we do have control over our own choices and behaviour and that includes the way in which we respond to life in general and adversity in particular.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that this is not about placing blame, but rather learning to understand and accept the consequences of our choices.
And of course, we can always opt not to take responsibility, after all, that would involve fewer unknowns and less risk of discomfort. The problem is, there is always a price to pay for the choices we make and in this regard, it means relinquishing your power and accepting the victim card, which inevitably results in issues of low self-esteem, and lack of self-trust.
In the end, both choices take pretty much the same amount of energy but the rewards for taking personal responsibility include the ability to quickly adapt to challenging situations, increased confidence, self esteem, and possibly the most important benefit of all, a greater sense of autonomy (control) over the quality and direction of your life.

Emotional Mastery

As illustrated in the example I used at the beginning of this article, our emotions have the ability to overrule reality and even the most logical mind.
It really comes down to either you are going to rule your emotions or your emotions will rule you. When you do the work to become more self aware it is much easier to identify emotional triggers and the coping strategies that will enable you to roll with the punches and adapt to stressful circumstances.
And when you can deal with minor irritations and unexpected detours in this way, you can also manage more serious forms of adversity with greater ease, which is just one way in which inner strength benefits you in daily life as well as when faced with the rare crisis event.
Building your capacity for inner strength is not difficult, and while it will not happen overnight, when you go about intentionally developing the areas outlined above, you may be surprised at how soon you will begin seeing a positive change in your overall quality of life.
With thanks to Maquita A Herald 

Tuesday 3 April 2018

Bounce Back From Failure

Failure can take a hefty emotional toll, and that is okay. However, what is important is getting the negative feelings you have out of your system so you can regroup and tackle what is next. Do not keep how you feel trapped inside of you like a shaken up soda. Bottling your emotions can lead to two things:

An Emotional Outburst


Eventually the pressure will build and it will be too much for you to contain. In a moment of weakness, everything you have kept inside could explode and set you back even further. This not only affects your mental state, but it can affect your relationships too. When you have an outburst, the people you care about often end up in the crossfire.


Creeping Negativity


If you only loosen the cap, the negativity will slowly and persistently enter your mind. You need to openly confront the mistakes you made and give yourself the chance to feel it all. Otherwise, anxiety will start to linger in the back of your mind and the soft hiss of failure will continue.  Constant anxiety is incredibly unhealthy and can lead to even more problems.


So, how do you let it all out? There are a few ways to let go of the bad, and, most importantly, retain the knowledge you gained:


Set Aside Some Time


It is okay to feel like you have hit rock bottom. Completely ignoring what happened is not helpful, so set aside a specific amount of time to wallow as much as you want. Take some time to be angry, upset, and frustrated so you can get it all out. If it is something small, all you may need is an hour to pace around or cry in a pillow. For something larger, give yourself a full 24 hours to let it all out and wake up the next day with a clean slate. If you need more than a day, that is okay, but make sure it is an amount of time determined by you and that you stick to it. You get that time to be as mopey as you want, but when it is over, move on.


Talk About It


Talk to somebody you know about how you are feeling. It is well known that just talking about something can make you feel better. Take a load off and express yourself. Chances are whoever you talk to will try to make you feel better, but even if they do not, saying how you feel out loud puts that information out somewhere besides your brain.


Do Not Let it Become Part of Your Identity


Failure is something that happens, not something you are. Susan Tardanico at Forbes explains that just because you have not found a successful way to do something does not mean you are a failure. Be careful not to blur the lines between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past failure and reach success will define you in the end.


Failure can leave an open wound and it is unwise to ignore it. Without acknowledging it, your wound will continue to hurt, take longer to heal, and possibly get infected.


Look at the Failure of Others


Do not think for a second that you are the only person on the planet to nose dive. Often we look at the success of others and assume they have everything together when the reality is that they encounter failure just as much as anyone. Some are better at hiding it than others, but failure is universal. Before you start bashing yourself for not hitting the mark, explore the world of failure and see how vast it truly is. 


What successful person do you look up to? Take a look at the failures they have encountered in their lives and work. Read biographies, blogs, and listen to speeches. Successful people talk about failure just as much as they talk about success, and it is because they respect how important it is to embrace it. Even the greatest people in our world have fallen, and fallen hard at one point or another.


Your friends and family fail too. Think about the failures they have encountered, and remember that you are not alone. It is not to point and laugh, but to show yourself that failure is okay. You are human, just like everybody else.


Change Your Definition of Failure


Have we mentioned that failure is good? It can be hard to think that way, but changing your definition of failure can help you cope. Failure is a learning and growing opportunity that is necessary for growth.


Robert Spadinger at Pick the Brain has a list that can help adjust your own definition of failure:


Failure is an integral part on the way to success and self realisation.


Whenever you step outside the comfort zone and whenever you try something new, failure becomes inevitable.


Each failure brings you one step closer to reaching your goals.


Failure is a great teacher and it allows you to learn some of the most valuable life lessons.


Each failure makes you stronger, bigger and better.


Making mistakes is not a big deal as long as you learn from them and avoid repeating them.


Failure teaches you that a certain approach may not be ideal for a specific situation and that there are better approaches.


Successful people will never laugh at you or judge you when you fail, because they have already been there and they know about the valuable lessons you can learn from failure.


No matter how often you fail, you are not a failure as long as you do not give up. Every time you fail, your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.


Each time you fail your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.


Every mistake is a learning opportunity, and after you have moved past your emotions, it is important to revisit your mistakes with a new perspective. Look at what you did that went wrong, but also look at what you did that was right, and what you can do better next time. Failure is rarely so black and white.


Start a New Project to Occupy your Mind


Once you have had your grieving time, try again or move on to the next thing. Fill your head with thoughts on the next task at hand so there is no room for negativity to slither in. You do not want to completely block out the mistakes you have made, you will not learn that way, but you also do not want to dwell on them either.


Get started on your next project and really focus on it. Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki suggests having your next project ready so you are always equipped to carry on. Nothing takes your mind off of things like hard work. If you need some time away from work, find a hobby. There is bound to be something you enjoy and are good at that will keep your mind moving forward. The key is to switch your focus and give yourself time to remember that failing is not the end of the world.


The best part about failure is that you often get another chance. Mistakes are simply a form

of practise.

Every great artist was once an amateur. The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you will learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art. You will never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing will not work either. So get out there and try again. Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson. Win, Win.


It is okay to fail at something over and over, but as soon as you give up altogether, that is  the real failure.


Remember, failure is inevitable, but it is not something that has to define you. It is actually good for you, and setting yourself up for it can be good to. Make failure a tool, a stepping stone, to get you where you want to go. It is okay to feel defeated when it happens, but losing the battle never means losing the war.


With thanks to Patrick Allan https://lifehacker.com/how-to-move-past-failure-1597951611