It has been a while......
Self belief is vital. How many things have you not done or tried because you lacked belief in yourself?
Many fail to believe in themselves because others did not. But as Eleanor Roosevelt so deftly put it:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Yet self doubts creep in, like unwelcome house guests that keep calling round simply because you played host to them before. Doubts such as:
- Can I really do this?
- Other people are better, smarter, more worthy than me.
- What will other people think if I do/say this?
- I cannot risk failure.
- Success is for others but not for the likes of me!
If you sometimes have trouble believing in yourself then practice these self belief tips.
Self Belief Can Be Learnt
Your level of self belief is not set in stone. We can all be flexible and change. Remember you were born into this world with no sense of what you could or could not do. Then, bit by bit, life started to teach you to limit yourself. A very young child never says: "I am not the kind of person who could…" They have not yet learned to limit their own horizons or listened to people who leak pessimism.
One of the first steps is to re-examine and discard many of the limiting ideas you have about yourself; ideas that you have somehow collected along the way.
Deal With The Inner Negative Voice
When you start to doubt yourself listen, for a moment, to that little negative inner voice. Whose voice is it really? A parent's, old school bullies? A collection of lots of different voices from different times and people? One thing is for sure; that little inner self critical voice was not yours originally. It may masquerade as belonging to you now, but it does not really.
Tell yourself: "This is not my true voice!" Then start to challenge it and also just plain ignore it.
Turn A Weakness Into A Strength
Think back to the story of Dumbo the elephant, who was humiliated by his outsized ears. He hated them at first. But, through time, he came to use them, to fulfil his destiny even, by changing his attitude.
If we just focus on what is not right about ourselves rather than what is, then we miss opportunities for self belief. We should not assume there is nothing to improve about ourselves, but just focusing on perceived weaknesses without either taking steps to improve them or giving fair focus toward our strengths gets us nowhere.
For example, if you know that you can be stubborn then find the positive in this. Stubbornness used well is called single-minded determination. If you worry a lot, know that the positive flipside of this is that you have a powerful imagination which, in the right context, can be put to good use.
Take any negative belief you have about yourself and creatively flip it so that it becomes, in its place, a positive resource (think: 'ears/Dumbo'). You will find this exercise fun to do.
Develop Your 'Super Powers'
Think of the typical powers of the more popular superheroes and write them down before you start your day. They may be such things as super speed, the ability to climb walls, flight, x-ray vision…whatever. Why do I suggest this? Because 'priming' your mind with qualities and positive characteristics can actually determine your behaviour.
Not that you will start flying to the rescue of stranded citizens, but the pattern of superhero powers is one of ability, courage, and competence. In one study, people asked to write down as many super powers as they could think of, were more likely to give to charity months afterwards. The pattern of giving to charity is that of being able. Prime your mind with 'able words' before you start each day.
As well as superhero powers, write all kinds of other positive characteristics (whether you think you have them or not). Do this before you go out each day.
You do not need to focus on your own present or even future qualities here, but just on the words. Take a few moments writing them down each day, then a few moments running your eyes up and down your list (it does not matter if it is a similar list each day). Really reflect upon what each word means to you.
You will be amazed how doing this will powerfully prime your subconscious mind.
Be Your Own Motivational Coach
If you notice doubts rearing their ugly heads, imagine you (the clear-headed part of you) are the coach and the anxious part of you is the person you need to talk to.
Think what you would say to someone you really believe in if they started showing doubts. Sit down and say those same things to yourself. So if you are about to go for a job interview and you 'hear yourself' starting to express doubts, take a few moments to sit down, close your eyes, and coach yourself:
"Look, you can do this! It is natural to feel a little anxious, but that just means you care about what you are doing! You have got all the relevant experience and qualifications! Now get in there and stop whinging! Even if you do not get this job, you are going to make me proud by giving it your best shot!"
Picture the decent, friendly, straight-talking coach in your mind. Is it someone you know or would like to know? Talking to yourself in these times as if you were another person (in the privacy of your mind ) can ramp up your confidence fast.
Do 'Hero Training'
Hero training is a great way to increase your own self belief.
Think of a situation in which lack of self belief holds you back. Now think of your 'hero', who could be a world leader, a movie hero, or the guy or girl down the road. Now close your eyes and strongly imagine them dealing with the situation 'heroically'. Now imagine being them for a few moments, experiencing that time in their shoes. Keep doing this until you notice you can start to transfer a sense of their qualities to yourself.
Create a Powerful Vision of Yourself
Self belief comes not just by trying to convince yourself you can do stuff. True self belief actually comes from developing the vision that you can relax socially, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be.
Get into the habit of sitting down, closing your eyes, and watching yourself behaving decisively, calmly, and strongly. This powerful visualisation exercise means you can learn from yourself how to be confident, have self belief, and behave in ways which maximize chances of success. Imagine you are viewing yourself on a TV screen. The 'you' in the screen is showing the you watching how to act with self belief. The more you do this, the more you will find that you quite naturally start to become like the 'you' in the movie.
Self belief does not mean arrogance or blindness to one's own shortcomings. Then again, it does not mean believing that you are perfect as you are, either. Your self belief really needs to be focused on what you will become. And an important part of self belief comes from knowing your weaknesses and being relaxed about them.
Self belief gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with setbacks by seeing them for what they are, temporary setbacks, not the end of the world. And something else you will notice, as your self belief grows, people around you start to believe in you more, too.
With thanks to Mark Elliott and Roger Tyrrell
