Having
difficulty making a decision or feeling unable to make a decision can
be an emotionally painful experience. It is painful because being
unable to make a decision puts you in limbo. It is a state of
uncertainty. So what should you do about it?
The
best way of describing indecision is that you are in a “frozen
state” where you are stuck and you feel powerless to get free. The
course of our lives is determined by decisions and the happiness
of our lives depends upon them. We are on this earth for the purpose
of expansion and progression and so when we are stuck where we are,
especially if where we are is uncomfortable, our soul pulls at us to
move forward and expand and the resistance we have to that movement
is felt as extreme negative emotion.
First
off, it is important for the sake of awareness to be aware that if
you have a difficult time making decisions as an adult, you often
find that as a child, you experienced one or both of two traumatic
“freeze states”. The first is an experience (or many) where you
felt like you could not win no matter what you did.
The
classic damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario. The second
is an experience (or many) where there was a high degree of value
placed on right or wrong, success or failure. So you experienced
painful consequences as a result of making the choice that your adult
caregivers thought was wrong. This created a fear of making the wrong
choice.
Once
we have done that, we can take a look at each of these worst case
scenarios and ask ourselves, “What is this potential consequence
making me aware that I want?” Any time we are experiencing negative
emotion or fear, we have keen awareness of what is unwanted. To the
opposite side of that unwanted experience, we are coming into the
awareness of what is really wanted. This is one of the main gifts of
indecision.
When
we are in a space of indecision, we are gaining clear awareness about
what it is that we truly want as well as the awareness of who we
really are. We are becoming aware that what we want is clarity and to
know ourselves. From there, our job is to focus on what we want.
Focus is everything when it comes to decisions. If I focus on the
fact that I do not know, I am giving more energy to not knowing and
so I get more of that in my life. If I focus in an unconscious way on
what I do not want, I get more of that. Therefore I must focus on
what I want.
If
we really cannot make a decision, we need to release resistance to
the idea of having to make a decision and instead focus ourselves
into alignment. In layman’s terms this means we have to
deliberately focus on anything that causes us to feel good. In the
universal sense, the minute we know what we want (which can be
conscious or subconscious), our higher self already becomes the
vibrational equivalent of that thing and we are then pulled towards
it as if by a huge magnet.
When
we are focused on things that cause us to feel bad, we are turned in
the opposite direction of it and when we are focused on things that
cause us to feel good, we are turned in the direction of it. So if we focus upon anything that causes us to feel good about any
subject, we are allowing ourselves to flow towards what is wanted and
then the opportunities and people and circumstances that are a match
to what we want, come into manifested reality.
It
is very easy to then feel clear about the decisions we need to make.
The decisions made from a space of feeling good, are always the right
decisions for you personally. The actions taken from a place of
feeling good are always the right actions to take.
When
it comes to making an important decision, unless you feel so inspired
about taking an action that nothing could keep you from it, you are
not ready to take action yet so just focus positively and release
resistance to the negative that arises until the action you need to
take feels undeniable.
So,
how does this look practically? Let's say that you have to decide
whether to end a relationship or not. But you just cannot decide. It
seems like pain either way. You face and release resistance to the
potential consequences of both staying in and ending the relationship
by revisiting and integrating the wounds that are being triggered
from childhood.
You
soothe yourself into feeling better about the potential consequences
and question and change your thoughts about the consequences. You
then focus on what this scenario is causing you to know what you
want, is it to know yourself and what you want so clearly that you are confident
of which decisions to make.
Perhaps
it is causing you to know that you want a partner who you are sure
you want to be with because the relationship feels supportive and
safe and consistent. You visualize what already having those things
in your life would look alike or feel like. You think about why you
want those things. You deliberately choose thoughts and things to
focus on that make you believe it is possible for you. You look for
ways you focus on already having these things you think you lack in
your life already.
OR
if it’s too hard to focus on what you want, you focus on anything
general that feels good like gratitude lists, funny movies, exercise,
inspirational speeches etc. What you will find is that eventually,
with enough alignment, the decision will become clear to you.
You may find that when you are in alignment and thus feeling good, you know that the best choice is to end your relationship and instead of it feeling terrifying, it feels right. Then, you might feel the impulse to call your partner and ask to meet up so you can end the relationship.
In
other words, your inspired action or inspired decision will become
clear to you. It will be the decision that will bring you to the
doorstep of what you want. Then, instead of trying to go and find
the opportunities and circumstances and people who you think will
fulfill your desires, they will come to you and all you will have to
do is say yes or no to it. Because you are already in alignment,
the saying yes or no to the opportunities will be an easy choice.
If
we are in alignment and feeling good, the decisions we need to make
come to us with no effort.
That
sums up the way we intended to make decisions in this life before we
came into this life and decided that making decisions was terrifying.
You
need to recognise that no decision is in fact a decision. It is a
decision to not decide and this takes you out of the driver’s seat
of your life completely. When you decide to not make a decision, a
decision will be made for you by life and by those around you. You
cannot stop the stream of life and you cannot stop time.
There
is no pause button on life and so, you have to ask yourself, is it
serving me to be in the back seat of life and let the universe or
other people decide my life for me right now, or does it not serve
me? We have to be really honest with ourselves about the answer to
that question but keep in mind that sometimes it absolutely is the
best decision to just sit in the back seat and let life make the
decision for you. Other times, it is absolute self-sabotage to let
life make the decision for you. You already intuitively know whether
your decision to not decide, is a beneficial practice of allowing or
whether it is self-sabotage being unwilling to take
responsibility for your own life.
No
matter what decision you make, you can always make a different
decision. Knowing this will help you to feel less stuck and trapped
by the decisions you make. This universe is a free will universe and
so, you retain the freedom to change your mind always. You can change
course at any time and go in a radically different direction. You
always have the ability to choose again.
Choice
is in fact the freedom that no one can ever take away from you. Every
single decision we make, brings us closer to
knowing what we really want. This is important because to create the
life we want we first have to know what we want.
It
is impossible get this life wrong. Every decision you make only
brings greater clarity about what you really want, you are only ever
moving closer to the life you came here to live. If you make a choice
that feels emotionally wrong to you after you make it, all you did is
gain more clarity about what you wanted and thus ads more to
universal expansion.
The
universe has not decided what is right and what is wrong for you.
Free will is about your ability to choose and know what is right for
you personally and not anyone else. So, you ultimately cannot make a
wrong decision.
Take
a serious look at your addiction to rightness and goodness. Why do
you have to be right or good? What are you trying to get out of it?
You cannot struggle with making a decision without first having an
addiction to rightness and goodness. You need to look at the
universal truth that there is no right or wrong because right or
wrong is a matter of perspective. Right and wrong is born out of
cultural relativism. Your definition of right and wrong depends upon
the society and family you were raised in. Hope they were right!
If
you are searching for a universal truth that will allow you to know
what is right, here it is… there is no such thing as right or
wrong. You can only make decisions based on what feels in
alignment for you personally and we may call that a ‘right
decision’. Even if you just took any action and made any decision,
that would be progression and movement and would give you more
information about what is right for you and what you want.
Make
your life practice, the practice of increasing your self-concept. The
more self worth and self-esteem and self-love you have, the easier it
is to make decisions that are right for you. You will have the
confidence to know your heart and mind and other people’s approval
or lack thereof will not factor into the decision making process. You
will no longer be obsessed with how you appear.
Trust
Your Gut. Trust your intuition. Most of the decisions we are faced
with, we already know the answer to; we just do not have the courage
or readiness to act according to the answer we already have. Your
intuition will not compete for airtime with your ego, which is ruled
by fear. So it will often be the stable, solid, subtle knowing that
is always there, just below the surface. The more you live according
to your intuition, the louder your intuition will become.
Your
logical mind is ruled by a very limited perspective, where as your
intuition is ruled by an objective perspective. Analysing your
choices, often paralyses you instead of helping you to make
decisions. Often no matter how much information you have, making a
decision does not get any easier. No matter what, your intuition will
never lead you in the wrong direction. Know that the eternal soul has
no intention of avoiding pain. It is expansion.
It
is a learning experience that will provide us with the most expansion
and growth.
Sometimes this will feel amazing, other times this will
feel like pain. But pain is often the greatest teacher and pushes us
to become so much more. So ask yourself, “Is my goal to avoid pain,
or is my goal to experience the things that I am wanting”? They are
very different things. If you struggle with intuition, you struggle
with self-trust.
Flip
a coin. If you simply must make a decision, you can flip a coin to
make the decision and one of two things will happen. Either you will
end the stalemate and move forward in the direction that the universe
has decided for you, or by flipping the coin, you will become aware
of which choice you truly wanted to make and then you can make that
decision you are now aware you want to make.
When
we think we have to make a decision between two options, it is often
because we are inhibited and limited by our own perspective. If you
get outside the box, you will find that almost always, there is a
third option or more. So, when you feel trapped between two extremes,
practice the art of thinking outside the box and looking for this
third option. It is often a blend of the best of both options.
Once
you make a decision, do everything you can to find alignment with
that decision. As a creator, do not waste any energy
doubting or second-guessing the decision you made. Do everything you
can do to find ways to feel good about the choice you made and you
will experience joy as a result of consciously allowing yourself to
flow with the current of your own expansion. Remember, you cannot
make a wrong choice.
To read the complete article go to http://tealswan.com/articles/the-remedy-for-indecision
