Turn Negative Emotions Into Your Greatest Advantage

In our relentless pursuit of happiness, it is easy to push aside, make light of, or otherwise evade negative emotions. But the truth is that unpleasant feelings are not only inevitable, they can also play a key role in our health and well-being.

Being comfortable experiencing and expressing mixed emotions is a predictor of improvements in well-being, while ignoring or evading negative feelings is not associated with boosts in well-being.  There is something to be gained for your mental health in taking both the good and the bad together.

When we allow our negative emotions to become a source of shame or guilt, we could inadvertently be making those feelings worse and missing out on their benefits. Paradoxically, negative emotions can be a powerful catalyst for positive experiences and realizations, if we respond to them in a positive way.

Anger can be turned into Creativity

Negative emotions sometimes stifle creativity, but science suggests that they can also be used to spark it. People who started the day with negative emotions but ended it with positive ones had the greatest creative output -- uniformly, the most productive days are those that begin with some sort of negativity. Negative emotions can help subjects focus longer while brainstorming. 
When you are in a bad mood, it may be best to return to a particularly difficult problem or a project that has stalled out, think of the negative emotion as fuel that you can burn on the path to creation. The negative emotions might just help you dig deeper into the problem and find a solution your happier self would never have uncovered.

Adversity can alter your Perspective

The old cliche that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger might have some truth to it. Life's greatest challenges can be opportunities for significant personal growth and development. Many people say that life threatening health scares became blessings in disguise that fundamentally altered their perspectives and highlighted what is really important in life.  Adversities can yield unexpected gifts. Sometimes these unexpected gifts come in the form of a new career path or life direction.

Shame can help you develop Compassion

Shame -- that painful feeling of humiliation or distress rooted in the belief that we are somehow deficient -- is what causes us to avoid connecting with others for fear that they will see the flaws we are trying to hide. But the one upside of shame is that we can overcome it, building greater connections with others and becoming more compassionate towards ourselves and others.

Shame depends on us buying into the belief that I am alone.Shame cannot survive being spoken ... It cannot survive empathy.

Pessimism can make you more Productive 

As a the bright side over seeing the glass half empty. But optimism untempered by some degree of negativity or pessimism is not necessarily a productive attitude. Defensive pessimists -- those who tend to picture what could go wrong in any given situation -- perform just as well as strategic optimists in a variety of tasks. How are these people  able to do so well despite their pessimism? They are doing so well because of their pessimism … negative thinking transforms anxiety into action. Ultimately, what most determines success is achieving the right balance between optimism and pessimism, and choosing preparation strategies that match your thinking styles.

If you are a defensive pessimist, when preparing for a performance that really matters, you might want to list your weaknesses instead of your strengths, and drink a glass of anxiety rather than a shot of confidence.

Envy can spur you to become a Better person

From a young age, we are told to beware of the green-eyed monster. Envy can trigger us to feel that who we are and what we have is in some way lacking. But the emotion (in its more benign form) can actually spur us to better ourselves. After you realize other people do not necessarily have everything you think you want, the next logical step is to figure out what that really is. What is it you really envy? Your sister’s boyfriend, or a sense of belonging? Your cousin’s job, or a sense of accomplishment? Your uncle’s schedule, or a sense of adventure? You can have everything you want in life if you identify specifically what these things are, and accept they may look different for you than they do for someone else.

Loss can lead to Gratitude

It can sometimes take losing something or someone important to us to feel grateful for what we still have. But in the long term, overwhelming loss can become a powerful catalyst for deep, life-affirming gratitude. One of the gifts and lessons from loss is to feel blessed for the moments you had and the unexpected gifts that [any relationship] gave.   

Negativity presents an Opportunity to cultivate Mindfulness 

The practice of mindfulness -- which aims to cultivate a focused awareness on the present moment -- can change our relationship with negative emotions, allowing us to experience them without judgement or shame.

Feeling bad about having a negative emotion is a surefire way to compound and amplify the situation.  You can quickly build a tower of negative emotions that can all come crumbling down.  

Mindfulness practices like meditation allow us to experience negative thoughts and emotions without judgment, resistance or struggle. 

To read the complete article go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/29/how-to-turn-negative-emot_n_4158113.html

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Fake It Until You Make It

Do you ever feel like you do not quite deserve your success or are not fully qualified to do what you do? That common feeling is what psychologists call the "impostor syndrome," a phenomenon where successful people feel like frauds waiting for someone to realize that they are unfit for their leadership roles..

The impostor syndrome is especially common among people who become successful quickly or early, and among outsiders, such as women in male-dominated industries. They explain away their success as luck or timing,They feel this sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That fear is stressful, and often leads people to hold back instead of pushing for bigger clients or more challenging opportunities.

Most of the people who feel like impostors are actually exceptionally capable. It is their self-image that is off. Feeling like an impostor is different than being an impostor.

To beat the impostor syndrome and trust your success, try these tips:

1. Interpret your fear as excitement. 
When you face a daunting task that incites your insecurity, tell yourself that the fearful jitters are actually excitement. Fear and excitement have the same physical reaction. Your body does not know the difference. It is your mind that interprets the jitters, and you control that story.

To turn fear into excitement, frame the situation as an opportunity. Say, "I am excited to tackle this challenge," and "I am going to learn a lot from this." By replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you let your adrenalin work for you instead of against you.

2. Set reasonable expectations.
People who feel like frauds often hold themselves to standards that no one could ever meet consistently. They have set this ridiculously high internal bar and often expect nothing short of perfection.

In order to gain confidence, learn to see that bar where it really is -- not where you imagine it to be. Compare your self-expectations to your expectations for peers, or ask trusted mentors to describe what they would expect of you. You have to redefine what it means to be competent.

3. Focus on learning from failure. 
People who feel like impostors tend to struggle with failure. They feel that if they were really competent, they would not fail or make mistakes, but even the most successful, competent people are constantly making mistakes – that is how we learn.

To see failure in a positive light, practice failing in small ways. Pick up a new hobby, such as chess, and every time you make a mistake, write down what you learned and try again. As you practice, notice how your skills improve, and how those lessons help you get there. Seeing that connection when the stakes are low can help you learn to embrace failure professionally.

4. See "faking it" as a skill. 
We all have moments when we need to fake confidence or sell an idea that was thrown together at the last minute. In those moments, impostors tend to focus on thoughts like, "that was all an act," which leaves them feeling fraudulent.

But knowing how to appear confident is a valuable asset in any job. It is a skill to be able to walk in and act like you know what you are doing even if you do not. Allowing yourself to build and applaud that skill -- without practicing any intentional harm or deceit -- will help you feel credible even when you are out of your comfort zone.

With thanks to Nadia Goodman http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/226814

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Get In Touch With Your Inner Child

Children naturally look at the world in a positive fashion. They have not yet learned that life has many pitfalls and challenges. They look forward to new things. They are willing to do what it takes to learn something new. They take time to stop and smell the roses. To just be instead of always doing something they are supposed to be doing. You can learn a lot about being more positive from a child. Here are some of the ways you can get back in touch with your inner child.

Explore the world around you.

Do not let fear keep you from exploring new things. Instead of walking away from the unknown, walk towards it. Children do not tell themselves all those things that adults tell themselves about why exploring new things is not a good thing to do, instead they boldly go where adults will not.

Do not be afraid of, or avoid a challenge.

Children love to be challenged with new things. They tend to look at it like a game and think it is fun. This is why children love riddles and puzzles, They want to be challenged and learn new things.

Allow yourself to make messes in life.
Sometimes in order to learn something new, you will end up making a mess. You will make mistakes, and you will fail. Children love to make a mess, but most of the time it is not just to make you mad. Children intuitively understand in order to learn new things, you have to sometimes make a mess.

Sometimes you need to ignore or change the rules of the game.
Adults are very rule oriented and a lot of times, you need to follow the rules. Children often break rules. Defying authority can be an adrenaline rush. Break a few rules now and then and let yourself feel like a child again.

Take time to play pretend.
Children love using their imagination. They are often highly creative and have a lot of fun playing make believe. The imagination is a wonderful thing. Allow yourself to go to some make-believe place. Get away from your normal life and pretend you are someone else. Have fun and you are sure to smile.

These are just a few ways to get in touch with your inner child and eliminate the negativity in your life. There are many other ways you can learn from children to be more positive. Take some time to observe children as they play. See how they deal with challenges and mishaps in their daily activities.

With thanks to Sean May for allowing me to share this post

http://www.scienceofimagery.com/taking-lessons-from-children-on-being-positive/

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The Best Valentine - Love Yourself

February is the month when love is in the air, thanks to St Valentine. But here is a thought for you. When did you last give yourself a Valentine?

That is not as strange as it may seem. As anyone who knows true love will tell you, the more love that you give, the more you receive. This starts an amazing circle of ever increasing love, which makes your eyes shine; your energy level rises and improves every aspect of your life.

The place to start the whole cycle going is with self love. This does not mean selfishness and introspection. It means taking time out to truly appreciate all your great qualities, skills and talents. Love yourself – give yourself a hug.

Many people benefit from this simple change in their approach to love. So many of us are brought up with a culture where it is considered bad form to put yourself first, this can severely limit the love that we have to give.

It can also limit your capacity to receive love. If you do not love yourself, you may feel that you are unlovable by someone else. At best, this can make you doubt any expressions of love that you receive. At worst, it can even make you repel those who want to love you and that can result in the collapse of a relationship.

Self love is not the same as selfishness. It is the ability to acknowledge all your good points instead of a continual focus on your faults. It means looking into the mirror and seeing a person of great potential. When you can do this you can look the world in the eye, give freely and project love outwards to others.

A reason why so many people never get to find the one true love that the Valentines cards talk about is because the whole idea of self love is alien to them. If they think about it as self-esteem then it becomes more acceptable. Every truly happy and successful person has high self-esteem. This is not the same as arrogance or conceit. It is about giving as much credibility to your positive qualities as you do to all of the others.

Once the issue of self-esteem is addressed then everything else just falls into place. The process of increased awareness is simple, gradual and very effective. The biggest payoff is that when you have done it once, you have it for all time. Then you become truly aware that you can be, do or have whatever you want in life – and that includes love.

We are all born with a good awareness of ourselves. What subsequently happens is that we remember all the negative things that others tell us about ourselves and these can swamp our opinions about the good qualities that we have. Decide to base your impressions of self on what you truly know to be true instead of the opinions of others and you are well on the way to building up that never-ending store of love that is your birthright.

This year treat yourself to a Valentine present instead of waiting to receive one!

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