The Benefits Of Forgiveness

"There is no love without forgiveness and there is no forgiveness without love" -Bryant H McGill

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold onto anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticised your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even resentment.

But if you do not practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness does not minimise or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you get on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Stronger immune system
• Improved heart health
• Higher self-esteem

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you are hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you are unforgiving, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you cannot enjoy the present
• Become depressed or anxious
• Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you are at odds with your spiritual beliefs
• Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• Actively choose to forgive the person who has offended you, when you are ready
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you have been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I cannot forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who has hurt you does not admit wrong or does not speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck:
• Consider the situation from the other person's point of view.
• Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
• Reflect on times you have hurt others and on those who have forgiven you.
• Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you have found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
• Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This is not always the case, however.
Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation is not.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I do not want to?

If you have not reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurt you might prompt you to be tense and stressful. To handle these situations:
• Remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. If you choose to attend, do not be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings.
• Respect yourself and do what seems best.
• Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I am forgiving does not change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behaviour or words is not the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I am the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you have done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You are human, and you will make mistakes.
If you are truly sorry for something you have said or done, consider admitting it to those you have harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness — without making excuses.
Remember, however, you cannot force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
With thanks to the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692?pg=2

Think Positively to Improve Your Life

"Success is never Final, Failure is never Fatal, it is Courage that Counts - John Wooden"

Your inner world has a tremendous impact on your circumstances.

Your beliefs affect your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Your actions ultimately create your life. Interestingly, many of your beliefs are unfounded, and your thoughts and emotions are largely habitual. Changing any of these internal components will affect the results you experience.

Fortunately, your inner world is under your control, though making changes can be challenging.

Change Your Mind And Your Life WIll Follow

Start and end your day by experiencing gratitude. It is easy to focus on what you do not have. Instead, spend a few minutes in the morning and before bed to list your blessings.

By focusing on the positive, you will brighten your mood and increase the number of good things that come into your life.

 Focus on solutions. It is a mistake to spend your time focusing on your problems. It makes you feel terrible and hopeless. It also fails to rectify the challenge you are facing. When something is going wrong in your life, switch into solution-finding mode.

 What can you do to make a positive change? You have far more options that you realise.

Take care of your body. One of the common causes of depression has been found to be undiagnosed heart disease. When your body is out of sorts, it skews the way you interpret the world. We are guided by our feelings, and when your health is compromised, your emotions can be misleading.

Stay grounded in reality. Most of us live in a fantasyland. We are thinking about the past or speculating on the future. However, if you concentrate on living wisely and well in the present moment, the future will bring the joy you hope for.

Remember that life is whizzing by 24/7. The actions you take right now determine your future. You cannot act today if your mind is elsewhere.

Use positive affirmations. Give yourself the gift of positive thoughts and uplifting self-talk throughout the day. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions. Positive thoughts will fill you with positive emotions. With positive thoughts, you can change your world.

Examine your beliefs. Make a list of the beliefs that are holding you back and then question them. Where did you get this belief? Why do you believe it is accurate? Is there a possibility that this belief is false? How much evidence do you really have in support of this belief?

Track your thoughts. Set an alarm, perhaps on your smart phone, to notify you each hour. When the alarm sounds, consider how you have used your mind over the past hour.

What did you think about? Was your attention focused on your work, or did you worry about the phone bill? Did you use your mind to better your future?

Measuring yourself each hour will help you to stay focused. It is too easy to fall into old patterns if you only check yourself once per day.

Learn to meditate. Meditation has many physical and mental benefits. It can reduce stress, strengthen your health, help to strip away your erroneous beliefs, and bring you clarity and focus. Meditation is one action that can have a huge, positive effect on your life. Incorporate time for meditation into your schedule each day. 

Believe it or not, meditation is a lot simpler than some people make it out to be. You do not need to be an expert, or have any previous experience. Someone brand new to meditation experience the same results as someone who has been practicing it for years. 

Most of us believe we are victims of our circumstances, but we are actually victims of our own thinking. No matter how bad your situation might be, someone has started with an even worse situation and led an incredible life. Changing your inner world is the key to changing your outer world.

Thank you Sean May https://www.scienceofimagery.com/think-positively-8-tips/

Learn to Speak The Language of The Universe 

Stop Fearing Rejection

There was a time when being rejected by the group could be life threatening. Imagine living thousands of years ago. People relied on each other just to stay alive. That fear still resides within us, even though it is no longer necessary.

Just because the fear of rejection is no longer useful it does not mean it is easy to overcome.

The fear of rejection is among the most influential of all fears. The fear of others judging you can be very limiting.

These strategies will help you let go of fear and welcome greater confidence and joy.

What is the worst that can happen?  If you ask out that pretty woman, what is the worst likely outcome? Do you think she might say, “No”? Odds are that it will not even be that bad. She will probably find an excuse to let you down gently. Then again, she might say “Yes”!

If you go for a job interview and do not get the job, what do you stand to lose? A few hours of your time! 

Interestingly, the scariest situations often have little to no risk, but a huge potential for something good to happen. What are you really risking? 

Make of list of the positive potential outcomes. That beautiful stranger might turn out to be your soulmate. That new job might be the best job you have ever had. Make a list of everything good that might happen.

Take a deep breath. Your body can lead your emotions. Deep breathing oxygenates your blood and slows your heart rate. Deep breathing feels good. Focus on your breathing and remove your focus away from your fear.

You may also want to consider performing a meditation exercise. Meditations work wonders when it comes to soothing our nerves, especially when combined with deep breathing exercises.

Act anyway.  Fear and discomfort are bad excuses for not doing something, provided your life is not in danger. Your subconscious is really bad at judging the effects of emotional threats. You have nothing to lose. Allow your logic to overrule the uncomfortable feelings you are experiencing. With practice, your body will adjust and stop making you feel bad.

Remember that the world tends to make erroneous rejections. Many college basketball teams rejected Larry Bird. Many bestselling novels were rejected numerous times before someone finally published them. Even the Beatles struggled to get a record deal.

The fools that do not know any better reject even the most talented people.

Examine previous rejections. Consider the times in your life that you have been rejected. Was it horrible? What did you experience? Now consider your successes. Was your greatest success worth the greatest rejection you have suffered? Of course it was.

The fear is the worst part. The rejection itself is much less painful than the anticipation of rejection. Keep your thoughts focused on a positive outcome. You can sneak around the fear of rejection and enjoy greater success.

Give yourself the opportunity to be wrong. Most of us are much worse at predicting the future than we think we are. Even if you are quite sure you will be rejected, you will frequently be wrong. Instead of assuming you know the truth, prove yourself right or wrong by taking the leap. Let the world decide. Never assume you will fail. Prove it.

Use rejection as an opportunity for growth. When things do not work out, you have been provided with an occasion to learn something valuable. What can you do better next time? What mistakes did you make?

Avoid allowing the fear of failure to control your actions. An exciting and fulfilling life requires risk and hope. Allow yourself to fail, but avoid allowing the belief of failure to paralyse you. You never know the outcome until you try. You might surprise yourself and end up enjoying the best thing that ever happened to you!

With thanks to Sean May https://www.scienceofimagery.com/9-ways-vanquish-fear-rejection/

Learn to speak the Language of the Universe!

Deal With Irritation In A Positive Way

Control your irritation when others push your buttons.

Do you let people upset you? When someone is trying to upset you the worst thing that you can do is oblige them.

There is always that one person that knows how to get under your skin.

By rewarding their behaviour, you encourage the same thing to happen again in the future.

Take control of the situation by taking control of yourself.

Consider why they are trying to upset you. Does the other person dislike you? Are they trying to be funny? Is it about control? What is the purpose of their behaviour? Once you know the motivation, you will be in a better position to choose your response.

Remove the reward. If they are trying to be funny, tell them you do not appreciate it. If they are simply trying to upset you, smile and move on. When they do not get the reaction they are looking for, they will usually stop.

 Stay calm. You are bigger than a few harsh or mean-spirited words. It is just sound, not unlike a refuse lorry rolling down the street. Take a deep breath, think about something pleasant, and move on. Calming yourself is a skill. Practice as much as possible. Soon, nothing will be able to upset you.

Consider how serious you need to be. If the behaviour is inappropriate and you are at work, consider speaking with your boss or human resources. Do you need to contact the police? Take the necessary steps to ensure your safety is maintained.

Consider if you are at fault in any way. Do you complain or whine excessively? Are you unreasonably fussy? Then you will probably draw some unwanted comments, fair or not. Do you pick on others? Some observers might decide to even the score.

Stick up for yourself. It is possible that the other person does not realise that they are upsetting you. Speak up for yourself and let them know how you feel. No one can read your mind. Take responsibility for letting others know how you want to be treated. Many bullies will stop if they face any resistance.

Deal with your buttons. They are your buttons after all. Why are you so sensitive about this issue? What can you do to remove all the emotion surrounding it? Your personal buttons are your responsibility to deal with. Enjoy the freedom that comes from eliminating them.

Realise that harmful comments come from personal pain. People are mean when they are hurting in some way. Try to feel compassion for the other person and avoid taking the comments seriously. Some people erroneously believe they can make themselves feel better by making others feel worse.

Leave the situation. Take time out if you are very upset. It happens. Take a break and give yourself a few minutes to regroup. Everyone needs a time-out on occasion. Go back with a calm mind and refreshed attitude.

It is no fun when others are trying to get a rise out of you. However, you do not have to get upset when someone else tries to annoy you. Take control of the situation and your emotions. Do what you can to discourage the other person. Maintain your composure and choose your response wisely. You will find that others are pushing your buttons less and less and therefore you will become less and less irritated.

With thanks to Sean May https://www.scienceofimagery.com/top-10-ways-react-irritation/

Discover how to master energy, health and wealth

Create Goals To Make Your Life Better

Much has been written about the importance of setting goals to achieve success, however, it is an important strategy when wondering how to make life better for yourself. To improve your life you need to know what is important to you, what things you want to achieve and how you are going to go about achieving them.

You would not set out to build a house without first deciding what materials to use and what design you want. Your life is no different, you need to know what you want, but, you also need a plan to help you build it right. Establishing goals will be a major step in achieving what you want in life. You cannot, and will not, get what you want if you do not know what it is you want.

Before you can set your life goals, you need to have worked out what is important to you. When you know what is important, you then need to turn these things into a priority list with the most important at the top. This list of your priorities in life will form the blueprint for setting your life goals. It will also form the benchmark against which you will measure your achievements and help to keep you on track.

As your life plan unfolds and you go about the business of achieving your goals, you can keep referring back to your priority list to make sure that your actions are in line with what you decided is important to you. In the busyness and frustrations of life, it is all too easy to lose sight of what is really important. It is imperative that you continually check those priorities to make sure you are still on track. Unfortunately, it is so easy to get off the track. Regularly ask yourself the question “Is what I am doing going to achieve what I wanted with this aspect of my life? Is it impacting negatively with any other areas of my life?”

For example, if your career is a priority for you, think about how you want your career to develop, what you want to achieve in your working life and what steps and strategies will you need to put in place to achieve what you want. The best goals are specific, so fill in the fine detail as you are making these decisions. When do you want that promotion? Who do you want to work for? When do you want to be earning that salary figure? When do you want to achieve that success? How will you achieve that? Knowing what you want is not enough; you need to also work out the when, why, how, who and where of your goals. This information then forms the backbone of your life plan.

Maybe family is a top priority for you, so you need to think about what family actually means to you. If health is a priority, what does good health look like to you? How will you go about achieving the level of health that you want? If having a secure financial future is on your priority list, what exactly does that mean to you in financial terms and how will you be able to achieve it? How much will you need to live the life you want. How much will you need for a comfortable retirement?

This is a very personal process. Your priorities will be unique to you and so will your goals and life plan. So do not compare your plan with anyone else and do not judge your success by comparing with anyone else either. Your life is your journey. If you have determined your priorities, set your own goals and worked out a plan. Then the results are in your hands. Do not be tempted to give over control of your life to another person. That is a recipe for disaster and unhappiness.

Once you have set the goals for your life and developed a plan for achieving those goals, you can relax about how your life is going to turn out. You have made the important decisions so now you can put all your thought and effort into working the plan and achieving the goals. You get to enjoy the life you are creating without the stress and worry about what you have to do.

It is a good idea to review your goals from time to time. As we live, we grow. As we grow, we change. The goals we make when we are twenty may not fit when we are thirty. Our priorities can change just like our circumstances. As we live the life we planned, new ideas and opportunities can come up. So be prepared to review, tweak and change your priorities, goals and plans.

You also have to be prepared for the unexpected because, things happen in life which are not in the plan. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the goals do not go to plan. How you deal with this will have a big impact on your ability to regroup, alter your plan and get on with making your life better again. Use your goals as a basis for developing a new plan for your life and establish new goals if necessary.

However, life can change. Sometimes everything that you have planned can go out the window. Then you have to reassess, set new goals and make a new plan on how to move forward with your life. It is wonderful how life throws us curve balls from time to time.

It can also help if you write a personal mission statement. It can take a while to create a mission statement, but, the exercise can give you a great insight into where you want to take your life. Definitely consider doing this, it can bring a clear direction into your life.

Enjoy the process of making your life better by setting goals. Regularly check up on whether you are staying on track by asking yourself, "If what I am doing is keeping me aligned with my goals and taking me in the direction of the life I have dreamed."

With thanks to the owner of Prairie Thrifter http://prairieecothrifter.com/2013/08/life-setting-goals.html

Happy New Year may all you goals be achieved in 2017

This will help you achieve your goals in record time