Indecision

Having difficulty making a decision or feeling unable to make a decision can be an emotionally painful experience. It is painful because being unable to make a decision puts you in limbo. It is a state of uncertainty. So what should you do about it? 

The best way of describing indecision is that you are in a “frozen state” where you are stuck and you feel powerless to get free. The course of our lives is determined by decisions and  the happiness of our lives depends upon them. We are on this earth for the purpose of expansion and progression and so when we are stuck where we are, especially if where we are is uncomfortable, our soul pulls at us to move forward and expand and the resistance we have to that movement is felt as extreme negative emotion.

First off, it is important for the sake of awareness to be aware that if you have a difficult time making decisions as an adult, you often find that as a child, you experienced one or both of two traumatic “freeze states”. The first is an experience (or many) where you felt like you could not win no matter what you did.

The classic damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario. The second is an experience (or many) where there was a high degree of value placed on right or wrong, success or failure. So you experienced painful consequences as a result of making the choice that your adult caregivers thought was wrong. This created a fear of making the wrong choice.

Once we have done that, we can take a look at each of these worst case scenarios and ask ourselves, “What is this potential consequence making me aware that I want?” Any time we are experiencing negative emotion or fear, we have keen awareness of what is unwanted. To the opposite side of that unwanted experience, we are coming into the awareness of what is really wanted. This is one of the main gifts of indecision.

When we are in a space of indecision, we are gaining clear awareness about what it is that we truly want as well as the awareness of who we really are. We are becoming aware that what we want is clarity and to know ourselves. From there, our job is to focus on what we want. Focus is everything when it comes to decisions. If I focus on the fact that I do not know, I am giving more energy to not knowing and so I get more of that in my life. If I focus in an unconscious way on what I do not want, I get more of that. Therefore I must focus on what I want.

If we really cannot make a decision, we need to release resistance to the idea of having to make a decision and instead focus ourselves into alignment. In layman’s terms this means we have to deliberately focus on anything that causes us to feel good. In the universal sense, the minute we know what we want (which can be conscious or subconscious), our higher self already becomes the vibrational equivalent of that thing and we are then pulled towards it as if by a huge magnet.

When we are focused on things that cause us to feel bad, we are turned in the opposite direction of it and when we are focused on things that cause us to feel good, we are turned in the direction of it. So if we focus upon anything that causes us to feel good about any subject, we are allowing ourselves to flow towards what is wanted and then the opportunities and people and circumstances that are a match to what we want, come into manifested reality.

It is very easy to then feel clear about the decisions we need to make. The decisions made from a space of feeling good, are always the right decisions for you personally. The actions taken from a place of feeling good are always the right actions to take.

When it comes to making an important decision, unless you feel so inspired about taking an action that nothing could keep you from it, you are not ready to take action yet so just focus positively and release resistance to the negative that arises until the action you need to take feels undeniable.

So, how does this look practically? Let's say that you have to decide whether to end a relationship or not. But you just cannot decide. It seems like pain either way. You face and release resistance to the potential consequences of both staying in and ending the relationship by revisiting and integrating the wounds that are being triggered from childhood.

You soothe yourself into feeling better about the potential consequences and question and change your thoughts about the consequences. You then focus on what this scenario is causing you to know what you want, is it to know yourself and what you want so clearly that you are confident of which decisions to make.

Perhaps it is causing you to know that you want a partner who you are sure you want to be with because the relationship feels supportive and safe and consistent. You visualize what already having those things in your life would look alike or feel like. You think about why you want those things. You deliberately choose thoughts and things to focus on that make you believe it is possible for you. You look for ways you focus on already having these things you think you lack in your life already.

OR if it’s too hard to focus on what you want, you focus on anything general that feels good like gratitude lists, funny movies, exercise, inspirational speeches etc. What you will find is that eventually, with enough alignment, the decision will become clear to you.

You may find that when you are in alignment and thus feeling good, you know that the best choice is to end your relationship and instead of it feeling terrifying, it feels right. Then, you might feel the impulse to call your partner and ask to meet up so you can end the relationship.

In other words, your inspired action or inspired decision will become clear to you. It will be the decision that will bring you to the doorstep of what you want. Then, instead of trying to go and find the opportunities and circumstances and people who you think will fulfill your desires, they will come to you and all you will have to do is say yes or no to it. Because you are already in alignment, the saying yes or no to the opportunities will be an easy choice.

If we are in alignment and feeling good, the decisions we need to make come to us with no effort.

That sums up the way we intended to make decisions in this life before we came into this life and decided that making decisions was terrifying.

You need to recognise that no decision is in fact a decision. It is a decision to not decide and this takes you out of the driver’s seat of your life completely. When you decide to not make a decision, a decision will be made for you by life and by those around you. You cannot stop the stream of life and you cannot stop time.

There is no pause button on life and so, you have to ask yourself, is it serving me to be in the back seat of life and let the universe or other people decide my life for me right now, or does it not serve me? We have to be really honest with ourselves about the answer to that question but keep in mind that sometimes it absolutely is the best decision to just sit in the back seat and let life make the decision for you. Other times, it is absolute self-sabotage to let life make the decision for you. You already intuitively know whether your decision to not decide, is a beneficial practice of allowing or whether it is self-sabotage being unwilling to take responsibility for your own life.

No matter what decision you make, you can always make a different decision. Knowing this will help you to feel less stuck and trapped by the decisions you make. This universe is a free will universe and so, you retain the freedom to change your mind always. You can change course at any time and go in a radically different direction. You always have the ability to choose again.

Choice is in fact the freedom that no one can ever take away from you. Every single decision we make, brings us closer to knowing what we really want. This is important because to create the life we want we first have to know what we want.

It is impossible get this life wrong. Every decision you make only brings greater clarity about what you really want, you are only ever moving closer to the life you came here to live. If you make a choice that feels emotionally wrong to you after you make it, all you did is gain more clarity about what you wanted and thus ads more to universal expansion.

The universe has not decided what is right and what is wrong for you. Free will is about your ability to choose and know what is right for you personally and not anyone else. So, you ultimately cannot make a wrong decision.

Take a serious look at your addiction to rightness and goodness. Why do you have to be right or good? What are you trying to get out of it? You cannot struggle with making a decision without first having an addiction to rightness and goodness. You need to look at the universal truth that there is no right or wrong because right or wrong is a matter of perspective. Right and wrong is born out of cultural relativism. Your definition of right and wrong depends upon the society and family you were raised in. Hope they were right!

If you are searching for a universal truth that will allow you to know what is right, here it is… there is no such thing as right or wrong. You can only make decisions based on what feels in alignment for you personally and we may call that a ‘right decision’. Even if you just took any action and made any decision, that would be progression and movement and would give you more information about what is right for you and what you want.

Make your life practice, the practice of increasing your self-concept. The more self worth and self-esteem and self-love you have, the easier it is to make decisions that are right for you. You will have the confidence to know your heart and mind and other people’s approval or lack thereof will not factor into the decision making process. You will no longer be obsessed with how you appear.

Trust Your Gut. Trust your intuition. Most of the decisions we are faced with, we already know the answer to; we just do not have the courage or readiness to act according to the answer we already have. Your intuition will not compete for airtime with your ego, which is ruled by fear. So it will often be the stable, solid, subtle knowing that is always there, just below the surface. The more you live according to your intuition, the louder your intuition will become.

Your logical mind is ruled by a very limited perspective, where as your intuition is ruled by an objective perspective. Analysing your choices, often paralyses you instead of helping you to make decisions. Often no matter how much information you have, making a decision does not get any easier. No matter what, your intuition will never lead you in the wrong direction. Know that the eternal soul has no intention of avoiding pain. It is expansion.

It is a learning experience that will provide us with the most expansion and growth. 

Sometimes this will feel amazing, other times this will feel like pain. But pain is often the greatest teacher and pushes us to become so much more. So ask yourself, “Is my goal to avoid pain, or is my goal to experience the things that I am wanting”? They are very different things. If you struggle with intuition, you struggle with self-trust.

Flip a coin. If you simply must make a decision, you can flip a coin to make the decision and one of two things will happen. Either you will end the stalemate and move forward in the direction that the universe has decided for you, or by flipping the coin, you will become aware of which choice you truly wanted to make and then you can make that decision you are now aware you want to make.

When we think we have to make a decision between two options, it is often because we are inhibited and limited by our own perspective. If you get outside the box, you will find that almost always, there is a third option or more. So, when you feel trapped between two extremes, practice the art of thinking outside the box and looking for this third option. It is often a blend of the best of both options.

Once you make a decision, do everything you can to find alignment with that decision.  As a creator, do not waste any energy doubting or second-guessing the decision you made. Do everything you can do to find ways to feel good about the choice you made and you will experience joy as a result of consciously allowing yourself to flow with the current of your own expansion. Remember, you cannot make a wrong choice.

To read the complete article go to http://tealswan.com/articles/the-remedy-for-indecision

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