Always Be Genuine

We tend to value "genuine" people and think poorly of those whom we perceive as being "fake", but why is that? After all, what motivates "fakeness" is an effort to appear more appealing or impressive, so should we not find people who care about our opinions more appealing than those who, by definition, do their own thing regardless of what we think?

Well, no, for three basic reasons:

We are much more likely to trust a genuine person than a fake one because we believe those who are true to themselves are also likely to be truer and more honest with us.

Genuineness can be associated with appealing traits, such as strength of character and emotional resilience, correctly so. As being true to yourself takes confidence, tenacity, and often even bravery. 

We are attracted to uniqueness and individuality, qualities genuine people usually have in spades.

Many journeys of self improvement and self discovery involve efforts to live a more authentic life. Adopting the following  habits can help you become a more genuine person. However, balance is important. Overdoing any of these might do more harm than good, so be sure to set moderate, not extreme, goals when it comes to working on them.

Genuine People Speak Their Mind 
This is actually a two step habit. They take time to figure out their own opinions and perspectives about things. They are not shy about sharing their well thought out opinions with others. The manner in which they share their opinions also matters. Genuine people are comfortable presenting their ideas without expecting or needing to convince others they are right. One thing that helps them get in touch with their true opinions and perspectives is....

Responding to Internal not External Expectations
They spend time thinking about and exploring their own beliefs, ideals, standards, and expectations because they rely on the answers to these questions to give them direction and purpose in life. Of course, identifying your own ideas and beliefs is not necessarily easy, since they can easily conflict with the beliefs and standards of the families, communities, and cultures in which you were raised. Indeed, being authentic is often associated with being brave because you are then likely to do the following...

Forge your Own Path
Being authentic is not just about what you think or say but what you do and how you are in the world. Being guided by an internal compass means not having to follow the conventional or typical routes others take to achieve their goals. Therefore, genuine people search for and discover their own unique way of pursuing their passions and purpose, often forging an entirely new path as they do. The risk of forging a new and unproven path is that not all your efforts will be successful. However...

Genuine people are not threatened by failure 
The reason most people follow conventional routes is they are supposedly "proven" and "safer," and therefore more likely to yield success. On the other hand, taking the road less (or never) traveled is risky and can lead to failure. Yet, genuine people do so because they are not threatened by the idea of failing. In fact, they view failure as an integral part of their journey, a source of learning, and an enriching experience from which they can grow. Because they find failures instructive rather than threatening...

Admit to your Faults
To be true to your feelings and opinions you must first be honest with yourself about your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour, which means confronting the good along with the bad. As such, genuine people are likely to recognise their faults and shortcomings, to accept them, and to take responsibility for their actions as a result. Indeed, their general ability to own their faults, mistakes, and failures extends beyond how they see themselves.

Do not be Judgmental of Others
Being honest about their own faults and embracing individuality and differences leads genuine people to be less judgmental and more accepting of the people around them. Their fundamental assumptions about human complexity and their reluctance to view people via the lens of bias or preconceived expectations allows them a purer perspective that usually leads to direct and honest interactions and relationships. And all of the habits listed above stem from one core psychological characteristic of genuine people.

Have Solid Self-Esteem 
Which is neither too high nor too low. (Narcissists, for example, have high but brittle self-esteem.) As a result, genuine people can tolerate and absorb failure and criticism, admit their faults, and be accepting of others because they are not threatened by imperfection. Indeed, having solid self-esteem means, by definition, that you can absorb both negative and positive feedback and acknowledge aspects of your character that might need work or improvement without diminishing your overall sense of self worth.

With thanks to Guy Winch Ph.D. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201503/the-7-habits-truly-genuine-people

Unleash Your Inner Strength

Imagine that it is finally happening; you have worked hard and you have a shot at your dream job. You made it through the first two interviews and it is down to the final three candidates.

The problem is now that the opportunity is so close at hand you are suddenly plagued with doubts. Are you really capable and smart enough to do the job and live up to the expectations that go with it? So many people will be counting on you, including your own family, and from what you have heard the other two candidates have a lot more experience, so why are they even considering you anyway?

As if the self-defeating questions are not bad enough, you have begun experiencing mental reruns of every mistake you have ever made, which immediately adds to the stress and doubts about your abilities.

What if you really cannot do the job? How can you possibly walk into that interview as calm and assured as you need to be? Maybe you are not as ready for this as you thought you were and it would be better to just make an excuse and cancel and avoid the embarrassment.

There are countless examples we could substitute for the job interview scenario. The point is that even under the best of circumstances our emotions can get away from us and overrule reality and all logical thinking.

But what if it were possible to regain focus and change our emotional state like a switch connected to a light bulb so that we could dissolve the fear and doubts and replace the negative emotions with confidence?

How would it change things in your own life if you could dismiss stress, frustration, and fear of failure and center yourself by tapping into your own inner strength?

Sounds pretty good, but what exactly IS inner strength and how does it work? More importantly, how do we learn to control it in a way that we can tap into it when we need it most?

Here are a few phrases typically used to define inner strength.

Confidence and power from inside.

Resoluteness of will.

Integrity of character.

Able to withstand pressure.

To rise above fear.

Internal energy to move one toward a purposeful life.

Typical advice on how to  build inner strength includes such tactics as thinking positive, keep track of your successes, and recite daily affirmations to remain calm, stay active, lean on family and friends and never give up.

While there is no question that each of these are a worthwhile activity, the missing element is a focused strategy designed to help you cultivate this highly desirable characteristic.

The Essential Keys To Unleash Your Inner Strength

You could think of building inner strength the way you would develop a muscle.

While it is true that some individuals seem to naturally come by their ability to remain unflappable regardless of the challenges they may face, we are all born with the ability to increase our capacity for inner strength by cultivating a balance between rational and emotional characteristics, specifically the following essential behaviours.

Meaning: Developing self-awareness and a clear sense of meaning in life. 

Accountability: Taking full responsibility for your choices and behaviours.

Emotional Mastery: Learning to understand and manage your emotions.

Of these three behaviours there is a tendency to find emotional mastery to be the most intimidating, but let us take a closer look at how these essential keys work together to not only build your capacity for inner strength but enable you to tap into its power when you need it most.

Meaning

All personal development is based on self-awareness and achieving sustainable change and growth requires exploring the motivation behind the choices you make every day and this is where “meaning” comes in.

The meaning you give to life represents your interpretation of your beliefs, experiences and your core mindset. It affects your view of the world. In other words, meaning is the “why” behind everything thing you do or do not do in life. The critical point to keep in mind is that you are the one who finds meaning in your life, no one else can do that for you.

Fortunately, you also have the power to change your interpretation to create a more desirable meaning. So for example if your belief about change is that it is a bad thing, then change is going to be a struggle, particularly if it is thrust upon you. But it is within your power to alter your interpretation to see change as an opportunity for growth.

When we are able to fully grasp the potential for this ability to positively affect our attitude toward our circumstances it is incredibly empowering and that is why it is an essential element of inner strength.

Accountability

The notion of taking full responsibility for one’s own life circumstances may be tough for some people to accept. After all, it does somewhat bump up against the reality that there are things that we have no control over. Nevertheless, the fact remains that we do have control over our own choices and behaviour and that includes the way in which we respond to life in general and adversity in particular.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that this is not about placing blame, but rather learning to understand and accept the consequences of our choices.

And of course, we can always opt not to take responsibility, after all, that would involve fewer unknowns and less risk of discomfort. The problem is, there is always a price to pay for the choices we make and in this regard, it means relinquishing your power and accepting the victim card, which inevitably results in issues of low self-esteem, and lack of self-trust.

In the end, both choices take pretty much the same amount of energy but the rewards for taking personal responsibility include the ability to quickly adapt to challenging situations, increased confidence, self esteem, and possibly the most important benefit of all, a greater sense of autonomy (control) over the quality and direction of your life.

Emotional Mastery

As illustrated in the example I used at the beginning of this article, our emotions have the ability to overrule reality and even the most logical mind.

It really comes down to either you are going to rule your emotions or your emotions will rule you. When you do the work to become more self aware it is much easier to identify emotional triggers and the coping strategies that will enable you to roll with the punches and adapt to stressful circumstances.

And when you can deal with minor irritations and unexpected detours in this way, you can also manage more serious forms of adversity with greater ease, which is just one way in which inner strength benefits you in daily life as well as when faced with the rare crisis event.

Building your capacity for inner strength is not difficult, and while it will not happen overnight, when you go about intentionally developing the areas outlined above, you may be surprised at how soon you will begin seeing a positive change in your overall quality of life.

With thanks to Maquita A Herald 

https://www.emotionallyresilientliving.com/essential-keys-to-unleashing-your-inner-strength

Bounce Back From Failure

Failure can take a hefty emotional toll, and that is okay. However, what is important is getting the negative feelings you have out of your system so you can regroup and tackle what is next. Do not keep how you feel trapped inside of you like a shaken up soda. Bottling your emotions can lead to two things:

An Emotional Outburst

Eventually the pressure will build and it will be too much for you to contain. In a moment of weakness, everything you have kept inside could explode and set you back even further. This not only affects your mental state, but it can affect your relationships too. When you have an outburst, the people you care about often end up in the crossfire.

Creeping Negativity

If you only loosen the cap, the negativity will slowly and persistently enter your mind. You need to openly confront the mistakes you made and give yourself the chance to feel it all. Otherwise, anxiety will start to linger in the back of your mind and the soft hiss of failure will continue.  Constant anxiety is incredibly unhealthy and can lead to even more problems.

So, how do you let it all out? There are a few ways to let go of the bad, and, most importantly, retain the knowledge you gained:

Set Aside Some Time

It is okay to feel like you have hit rock bottom. Completely ignoring what happened is not helpful, so set aside a specific amount of time to wallow as much as you want. Take some time to be angry, upset, and frustrated so you can get it all out. If it is something small, all you may need is an hour to pace around or cry in a pillow. For something larger, give yourself a full 24 hours to let it all out and wake up the next day with a clean slate. If you need more than a day, that is okay, but make sure it is an amount of time determined by you and that you stick to it. You get that time to be as mopey as you want, but when it is over, move on.

Talk About It

Talk to somebody you know about how you are feeling. It is well known that just talking about something can make you feel better. Take a load off and express yourself. Chances are whoever you talk to will try to make you feel better, but even if they do not, saying how you feel out loud puts that information out somewhere besides your brain.

Do Not Let it Become Part of Your Identity

Failure is something that happens, not something you are. Susan Tardanico at Forbes explains that just because you have not found a successful way to do something does not mean you are a failure. Be careful not to blur the lines between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past failure and reach success will define you in the end.

Failure can leave an open wound and it is unwise to ignore it. Without acknowledging it, your wound will continue to hurt, take longer to heal, and possibly get infected.

Look at the Failure of Others

Do not think for a second that you are the only person on the planet to nose dive. Often we look at the success of others and assume they have everything together when the reality is that they encounter failure just as much as anyone. Some are better at hiding it than others, but failure is universal. Before you start bashing yourself for not hitting the mark, explore the world of failure and see how vast it truly is. 

What successful person do you look up to? Take a look at the failures they have encountered in their lives and work. Read biographies, blogs, and listen to speeches. Successful people talk about failure just as much as they talk about success, and it is because they respect how important it is to embrace it. Even the greatest people in our world have fallen, and fallen hard at one point or another.

Your friends and family fail too. Think about the failures they have encountered, and remember that you are not alone. It is not to point and laugh, but to show yourself that failure is okay. You are human, just like everybody else.

Change Your Definition of Failure

Have we mentioned that failure is good? It can be hard to think that way, but changing your definition of failure can help you cope. Failure is a learning and growing opportunity that is necessary for growth.

Robert Spadinger at Pick the Brain has a list that can help adjust your own definition of failure:

Failure is an integral part on the way to success and self realisation.

Whenever you step outside the comfort zone and whenever you try something new, failure becomes inevitable.

Each failure brings you one step closer to reaching your goals.

Failure is a great teacher and it allows you to learn some of the most valuable life lessons.

Each failure makes you stronger, bigger and better.

Making mistakes is not a big deal as long as you learn from them and avoid repeating them.


Failure teaches you that a certain approach may not be ideal for a specific situation and that there are better approaches.

Successful people will never laugh at you or judge you when you fail, because they have already been there and they know about the valuable lessons you can learn from failure.

No matter how often you fail, you are not a failure as long as you do not give up. Every time you fail, your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.

Each time you fail your fear of failure becomes smaller, which allows you to take on even bigger challenges.

Every mistake is a learning opportunity, and after you have moved past your emotions, it is important to revisit your mistakes with a new perspective. Look at what you did that went wrong, but also look at what you did that was right, and what you can do better next time. Failure is rarely so black and white.

Start a New Project to Occupy your Mind

Once you have had your grieving time, try again or move on to the next thing. Fill your head with thoughts on the next task at hand so there is no room for negativity to slither in. You do not want to completely block out the mistakes you have made, you will not learn that way, but you also do not want to dwell on them either.

Get started on your next project and really focus on it. Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki suggests having your next project ready so you are always equipped to carry on. Nothing takes your mind off of things like hard work. If you need some time away from work, find a hobby. There is bound to be something you enjoy and are good at that will keep your mind moving forward. The key is to switch your focus and give yourself time to remember that failing is not the end of the world.

The best part about failure is that you often get another chance. Mistakes are simply a form
of practise.

Every great artist was once an amateur. The sooner you get comfortable with practicing and making mistakes, the quicker you will learn the skills and knowledge necessary to master your art. You will never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing will not work either. So get out there and try again. Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson. Win, Win.

It is okay to fail at something over and over, but as soon as you give up altogether, that is  the real failure.

Remember, failure is inevitable, but it is not something that has to define you. It is actually good for you, and setting yourself up for it can be good to. Make failure a tool, a stepping stone, to get you where you want to go. It is okay to feel defeated when it happens, but losing the battle never means losing the war.

With thanks to Patrick Allan https://lifehacker.com/how-to-move-past-failure-1597951611

The Danger Of Bottling Up Your Emotions

Emotions stir inside people every day and, this silent pull ends up dictating their life.

At times, we bottle up feelings and set them aside because we cannot say what we really want to in the current situation. In certain instances, we think our emotional reaction is abnormal and that no one will understand.

We forget all about our emotions and just plan to come back to them at some point. We ignore them for as long as possible, or until our neglect leads to a total meltdown. Research has proven that suppression tends to cause more harm than good. Negative emotions can drag you down, especially when helplessness kicks in.

It leads to depression, anxiety, anger, loneliness and a slew of new problems to deal with. Your risks of serious mental and physical problems are drastically increased, the longer you bottle up your emotions.

It is a destructive habit. But, like all habits, it can be broken.

Here are a few steps to show you how to release pent up emotions and live a more positive, healthy and happy life.

Examine Your Feelings

Figure out how you feel, why that rude comment from your co-worker upset you or why driving in rush hour traffic makes you feel annoyed, and get to know what makes you tick.

Accepting and understanding your emotions will allow you to truly know yourself. This, in essence, will help you live happier and healthier.

Admit that you have emotions and that how you feel matters, rather than setting your emotions on the back burner. You may think that showing your emotions can make you look weak. In reality, however, it is denying you have emotions that does.

Prioritise

You do not want to care about what other people think.  You have probably even told yourself that you do not have an inkling or concern about their thoughts. It is simply not true. Everyone cares about what others think.

The trick is to prioritise what you care about and, most importantly, whose opinion matters.

The author Brene Brown, said it best: “When you do not care at all what anyone thinks, you lose the capacity to connect. If you are defined by what people say, you lose the courage to be vulnerable.”

If you reach one extreme or the other, you will notice a total shutdown. You will produce little, motivation will slip and you will wind up minimising your impact.

Do you really care what the supermarket cashier or your postman thinks? What about your parents, wife, children, friends or co-workers? How about your boss? Make your list and ignore what everyone excluded from the list thinks.

Learn how to Release Pent Up Emotions and Take Action

Express your emotions in calculated reactions by doing something. This is not the time for procrastination or excuses.

In step 1, you should have decided how you would like to react to specific situations or scenarios. For example, by keeping your cool or expressing your emotions in positive and proactive ways.

Although it is easier said than done, letting your frustrations out in beneficial methods can actually help keep you from hitting your breaking point. Doing is achieving. You can do all the planning in the world but you have to back it up with action. The time is now.

It is much better to let out your emotions with a hobby. Write, listen to or create music. You can pray or even meditate. All of these activities have countless studies that prove how valuable they are, especially in dealing with emotions.

You can also practice gratitude. It can help build better relationships, networks, career prospects and even belongingness.

Hundreds of studies have demonstrated how expressing gratitude can change lives. Its benefits include getting better sleep, having more energy, being happier, healthier and have more resilient days when something unexpected pops up.

Speak Up

There will be times when you will feel something is out of your control, but keep in mind that you are never helpless. Speaking your thoughts will allow you to feel like you, your ideas, dreams, goals, challenges and accomplishments matter to other people.

Ever wonder why a dream vacation is more exciting when you are telling your best friend about your plans? Or why you feel more proud about winning first place in the 4k mile run when you celebrate your accomplishment with loved ones?

The answer is simple. We need someone to care.

Do not be afraid to talk to your friends, family or even pets. If there is something bothering you, get it off your chest. Knowing how to release pent up emotions is not that hard. You just have to learn to voice your concerns, desires, and emotions. If you are not sure why you feel so miserable, talking things out can help you figure out the real issue.

Talk to nature if there is no ear available to listen or, for some reason, you are too embarrassed to tell a real human. Just drop that emotional burden and move on.

Never Stop Learning

Increasing your emotional competence does not happen overnight. You must learn and work daily to better yourself and improve your life. Keep in mind that there is always room for improvement.

Never stop learning how to grow and better yourself. The moment you do, is when you stop truly living. Life is a magical mystery and it should be enjoyed with a smile on your face.

Emotional competency does not mean you must only feel positive emotions. It also involves understanding how to better manage your emotions and why it is a never ending process. You must learn to make your life easier despite it being ever changing.

Read constantly. Keep up with your favourite self improvement sites and publications. Find authors you can relate to, perhaps with the same struggles and learn from them.

People love to share what they have learned, so be open to listening to those around you. Even if you do not entirely admire their opinions, you will still learn.

Finally, remember that it is okay to feel your emotions, that some days you do not have to be happy and that you can take control of your life. But, do not take things too far to the point that you will not go out of bed or shower for a week.

Do not let your emotions take over or linger. As much as possible, try not dwell on your problems. Address them right away and do something constructive to make the situation better before you react.

You have the power.

With thanks to Brit Haines https://www.dumblittleman.com/how-to-release-pent-up-emotions/ 

Transform Your Life By Being Open-Minded

To have an open mind means to be willing to consider or receive new and different ideas. It means being flexible and adaptive to new experiences and ideas.

Cultivating an open mind is another valuable outcome of critical thinking and reasoning.

Now more than ever, we live in a world that is constantly changing.

In order to keep up, we must be open to new experiences and new ways of looking at things. If we do not stay current we will miss out on the wonderful new technologies such as the Internet, cell phones, digital photography, ipods, that are making our lives easier and more interesting every day.

People who are open minded are willing to change their views when presented with new facts and evidence. Those who are not, and are resistant to change will find life less rewarding and satisfying, not to mention dull.

If we limit ourselves to what we know and are more comfortable with the past, we will become more and more frustrated.

Society as a whole has become more liberal, and circumstances that were not acceptable years ago are accepted now.

If we choose to approach life in the same way day after day, as well as becoming bored and uninspired, we will reduce our intellectual aptitude.

If, on the other hand, we seek new ways of doing and looking at things, we will expand our intellectual capability, find life more exciting, and broaden our experiences.

Being open-minded also helps us with problem solving. First it helps us look at more than one way to approach a problem, then we find more expansive, ways of solving it. When we give ourselves more options, better solutions are undoubtedly more available to us.

Ultimately, having an open mind helps us expand our horizons and be more diverse and interesting people.

People who are open minded:

Are more accepting of others and have fewer prejudices.

Are more optimistic and make the most of life.

Have less stress because they are open to change.

Have better problem solving skills.

Want to learn more, therefore are more interesting.

With thanks to Z. Hereford
https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/openmind.html