“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you ever felt different, like you do not fit in at all?
Do certain things captivate other people, but leave you struggling to find meaning?
What about the big picture? Maybe you feel you chose the wrong career, or you wonder if you were born into the right family, no one else seems to think the way you do.
Feeling different can be unsettling in a world that values sameness. You can derail your confidence and your progress by demeaning yourself for your differences.
A lot of people feel uncomfortably different most of their lives, out of place, misunderstood, and alone. They always work hard to fit in, fighting a constant, frustrating inner struggle with no tools to help them cope.
Being different, introverted and shy in an extroverted world can be extremely difficult, all the while struggling to fit in and be acknowledged.
The desire to fit can continued throughout your school years, college and beyond. Until finally you realise that you are wasting a lot of time and energy by struggling to fit in.You are denying your uniqueness and your chance to create a truly meaningful life.
By hiding your differences, you are short changing the very reason you were born.
Most of us do not realise that hiding our true nature is devastating to ourselves and to the world.
How We Get Steered Off Course
Subconsciously, we are all searching for true meaning in life. We think of it as trying to find happiness.
Society teaches us we will be happy by following norms that make us the same as others. We are encouraged to seek outside of ourselves rather than connecting inward and being fulfilled by the things we love.
For instance, we learn to:
Seek approval from others Compete with each other to get into the best schools and to land and keep the best jobs
Look for partners to give us self worth and complete us
Strive to make money to buy things to make us happy
Do everything to stay looking young, valuing youth more highly than age and wisdom
With these goals, we are constantly doing rather than being. Time disappears, because we are not embracing life by connecting with our inner being.
We forget who we are. We are not living. We are grasping for an elusive happiness on the outside.
We feel like we have repeatedly found happiness, only to realise that it is temporary. Each time we find it slipping away again, we search to find happiness in some other way.
Embracing our uniqueness and finding true meaning in life will break the pattern.
Take The First Step Towards Freedom
Changing direction requires some upheaval. But this is your life. If temporary discomfort results in discovering your meaning and purpose in life, which leaves you feeling fulfilled, balanced, and happy, is change not worthwhile?
Assess your life to see if you abandoned your own uniqueness just to fit the mold.
Review the five bullet points above. Are you following someone else’s path instead of your own? If so, what would you prefer to do instead? It is never too late to change.
If you are seeking approval or self-worth from others, learn how to find these qualities within yourself. If you are in a career that does not satisfy you, acquire the skills you need to follow your passion.
What are you doing just to fit in? What daily activities feel like drudgery? What responsibilities or tasks do you often put off or even avoid?
A long list is a sure clue that you are not following you passion. Seeking further can help you find true meaning.
Determine What Makes You Unique
We all have a passion—something that makes us light up inside, something we want to do more than anything else. We bring our own uniqueness to our passion. Following it will help us find true meaning in life.
Assessing your uniqueness takes careful thought. Set aside an hour at a time. Longer blocks of time are even better. The key is to feel free to brainstorm because nothing else requires your attention.
Schedule time on your calendar and stick to it.
When it is time, go to a quiet place with purpose. Take a notepad or something to capture your ideas. Do not judge any of your thoughts. Brainstorming means all ideas are of equal value.
You can be selective later. Judging in advance blocks your creativity and you will likely miss something you are suppressing or something new.
Some questions to ask to uncover your uniqueness are:
Which activities cause me to lose track of time?What am I always trying to find time to do, even when I only have a few free moments?
What makes me really happy?
What matters most to me personally?
What are my top five values and why?
Once you have thought through all of your answers to these questions, list each answer on a separate line. Ask yourself what parts of your life feel most and least aligned with your favourite activities, passions and values.
Record and study this information closely to find clarity.
Leverage What You Have Discovered
It is time to follow your heart, honour your uniqueness, and discover your true meaning. Gather your answers and decide how to incorporate this newfound knowledge into your life.
Maybe you uncovered a passion you have always suppressed.
Seek Further If Your Passion Still Eludes You
Maybe you have squashed your uniqueness for so long that you cannot find your truth. If you have more questions than answers, that is great! That is when it is time to experiment.
Answers can come from many different sources, so cover a lot of ground. When you find clues, you can piece them together to form your plan of action.
Ask others what they do, find books and other resources to read, seek professionals to help you, join a group of likeminded individuals, take a class, or ask the universe. Use your creativity to reach out far and wide. The answers will come.
Start exploring one area that "speaks" to you. Try something creative such as art, theatre, or science. Begin looking for solutions to your biggest problem, or reach out to help someone else. Life holds many right answers. Seeking and finding them is the fun part.
Do not be afraid to go out on a limb with your search. You never know where it might lead you. It is far better to follow your heart and be different than to struggle to try to be the same.
We all have differences in a world that values similarity. When fitting in means suppressing who you are and what you love the most, you miss your opportunity to connect deeply with yourself, to live, shine, find true meaning in life, and offer your unique talents to the world.
By opening your heart and mind and being completely free to explore what matters to you, you will discover who you really are. Next time you find yourself holding back to avoid standing out, realise that you add value to the world.
Never be afraid to follow your passion and blaze new trails. It is important to have faith in the process of life. The trick is to realise and embrace your uniqueness. By doing so, you will be led in the direction you were meant to go.
With thanks to Jan Tucker, Tiny Budha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/fitting-in-is-overrated-embrace-uniquness-find-meaning/
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