― Gautama Buddha
The way we feel about ourselves greatly influences how we live.
For instance, if you are self-confident, you probably spend time with and connect with others. If you are drowning in self-doubt, you might withdraw and isolate yourself.
You also might hyper-focus on your flaws and avoid going after a promotion. You convince yourself you are simply not qualified or good enough.
If you are self-confident, however, instead of dwelling on your supposed deficiencies, you might use that energy to pursue the higher-level position, prepare for it and possibly get it. If you do not, you simply move on to the next opportunity.
It also helps us realise that “we will be OK regardless of the ups and downs we have in life."
One powerful way to build confidence is by practicing self-compassion. Self-compassion means we have our own best interests at heart. We learn to support ourselves in the same way that we would support a friend or relative.”
But this might sound utterly impossible to you, especially if you are more used to beating yourself up. Many of us treat ourselves like the enemy. We regularly judge, criticise and condemn ourselves.
Fortunately, self-compassion can be learned. Here is how.
Self Compassionate Techniques
There are many exercises for practicing self-compassion. We are all different and what is important is to find something that works for you.
1. Write a compassionate letter to yourself.
When doing this exercise, validate your feelings and the reasons you are struggling; remember that millions of people struggle with their self-confidence; everyone struggles, in general (it simply means being human); and try to be understanding, accepting and nonjudgmental.
Write a supportive letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate person (someone who has your best interests and well being at heart). You can start the letter with this sentence: “I am sorry that you are having a difficult time at the moment and are struggling to build your self-confidence.”
Another option is to write a letter to yourself from an older, wiser, compassionate you. What would you say to yourself now, and what would a compassionate future look like?
2. Focus on your well-being.
First, focus on soothing breathing” an exercise that “aims to bring calmness and a sense of inner warmth and well-being to the mind and body.
Find a place that is distraction-free; sitting in a relaxed yet alert posture and closing your eyes or lowering your gaze. Rather than counting your inhalations and exhalations, let your body find a breathing rhythm that is soothing for it. When your mind naturally wanders, gently bring it back to your practice.
Ask yourself: “What can I do for myself today that will make tomorrow a better day?” For instance, instead of mindlessly watching TV, you might go for a walk or call a friend.
3. Take action.
As you build your self-confidence, think about your goals? What would you like to work on? You can set such goals as: meeting new people, speaking in public, asking for help, stopping needless apologising, expressing your emotions to others and saying yes (or no).
Once you have your goals, break them down into small, specific steps in increasing difficulty. Next, brainstorm how you can prepare for the situation, such as practicing soothing breathing and writing a compassionate letter to yourself., Reflect on the obstacles that might come up; and how you will navigate these obstacles.
Also, include things that might be helpful for you to keep in mind before, during and after the situation. For instance, “This is going to help me learn about myself; whichever way it goes, it will help me develop my self-confidence because I will know more at the end of it.”
Remember to pick goals that are beneficial for you, not goals that you should or have to do.
With thanks to Margarita Tartakovsky
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