On my birthday many moons ago, when Google and I were both a lot younger, I Googled “how to change your life when you are stuck” to see what would come up. I had been feeling hopelessly trapped – I was busy racing around in circles every day without any meaningful progress. I knew I needed to find a better road map as I was getting depressed with the same old grind.
As I scrolled through Google’s search results I was fascinated by the overwhelming quantity of books, articles and quotes all designed to motivate a person to take positive action and make positive changes. Messages of “Let Go and Move On” or “Be Present” were plentiful; however, nothing truly clicked with me. I was looking for guidance that was a bit more specific… guidance like “Walk seven blocks down Main Street and turn right onto Sunshine Drive. Your ‘better’ path begins there.”
The Space to Reflect
I continued to read and look for a new set of directions I could follow, and then it hit me. My losses and personal turmoil had me running and hiding from my problems. I was doing an incredible job being incredibly busy, but I had never stopped to sort out my thoughts and figure out exactly why I was doing what I was doing. My “needs” to provide for my family and ease the pain endured from failure and loss, fueled my mindlessness – I used these circumstances as excuses for not sorting my priorities out effectively – and I became stuck in a circle of futile busyness with no crystal clear vision about anything at all.
I recognised that in order to truly move my life forward, I first had to step on the brakes. I needed to stop dead in my tracks and pause for a little while so I could take it all in, sit with it, and then breathe it all out again. I had to give myself the space to accept where I was, and sort through the possibilities ahead of me.
When I did pause, I began to think of the summer after my high school graduation. My thoughts time-traveled back to those days when I felt like opportunity awaited me in every imaginable direction. I had been accepted to a great university, I was young and ambitious, and I was ready to conquer my dreams. But remembering this did not make me feel better. In fact, all these years later, trying to look at the world through this youthful lens for more than a few minutes only made me feel more restless.
Some Good Advice
Maybe it is the life lessons I was forced to learn the hard way, or the toll of pain and failure, but I had to admit to myself right then and there that the youthful world of possibility felt a whole lot scarier and riskier this time around. I wanted to be ambitious and passionate again, but I did not know how, until my wise mom gave me some good advice. She told me that she could still see the positive, passionate young person inside of me, but that I needed to do some soul searching to reconnect myself to the younger me.
As I attempted to follow my mom’s advice, I remembered that I used to have two quotes written on post-it notes hanging on my bedroom wall when I was a child:
- “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.”
- “Do not be scared to walk alone down the path less traveled, and do not be scared to love every minute of it.”
So I wrote the two quotes down again, just as I remembered them, and posted them up on the wall over my nightstand. I woke up to these quotes every morning for several years thereafter, and they helped keep me centered.
I also took tiny steps, day in and day out, until I knew I was finally moving down the right path again. For anybody else who feels stuck and without a real sense of how to take the next step forward, I offer the following reminders. They are based entirely on my personal experiences, but they are the simple, actionable lessons that kept me moving forward when I decided it was time for a change. Perhaps they will help you too. Remember…
1. Meaningful daily reminders make growth and positive change easier.
You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee mug that has a motivational message on it (mine says “Every Day a Miracle is Born”). But you can also take it a step further than that too…
Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out – even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.
2. The space between the things you do is just as important as the things you do.
Pausing for a brief second to end the chaos and busyness can save your life by winning you back precious time and peace of mind. Pausing can also provide you with a break in the habitual action, so you can begin again in a new direction when needed. But you have to leave enough space in your schedule to achieve this.
It is tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with busyness. Do not do this to yourself. Leave space.
3. Journaling is a priceless tool for self-reflection and self-improvement.
J.K. Rowling keeps a journal. Eminem keeps a journal. Oprah keeps a journal.
Successful people – those who consistently make positive changes in their life – track their progress, set goals, reflect, and learn from their mistakes. And they often use some kind of journal to accomplish this.
If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and your journal is that map.
4. The wrong relationships pull you back – the right ones push you forward.
When you are moving through a sizable life transition, it is important to have close family and friends around you that can offer their support and understanding. There is no room for needless negativity.
This same principle applies to you. If you find that you have a toxic draining relationship that is constantly bringing you down and keeping you stuck, let them go for a while. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they are not the right person to be spending time with every day.
Remember, not all toxic relationships are agonising and uncaring on purpose. Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness.
5. Taking consistent and realistic action every day sets you free.
All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life – earning a new degree, building a new business, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is:
“Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”
Think about it. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge does not mean you are growing – growing happens when what you know changes how you live.
And remember that this change does not happen all at once. It happens just one small step at a time. When it comes to making changes, less is more.
If you want to read the complete article go to http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/11/04/5-things-to-remember-when-youre-stuck-and-desperate-for-a-change/
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