Self Belief

It has been a while......

 Self belief is vital. How many things have you not done or tried because you lacked belief in yourself?

Many fail to believe in themselves because others did not. But as Eleanor Roosevelt so deftly put it:

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Yet self doubts creep in, like unwelcome house guests that keep calling round simply because you played host to them before. Doubts such as:

• Can I really do this?
• Other people are better, smarter, more worthy than me.
• What will other people think if I do/say this?
• I cannot risk failure.
• Success is for others but not for the likes of me!

If you sometimes have trouble believing in yourself then practice these self belief tips.

Self Belief Can Be Learnt

Your level of self belief is not set in stone. We can all be flexible and change. Remember you were born into this world with no sense of what you could or could not do. Then, bit by bit, life started to teach you to limit yourself. A very young child never says: "I am not the kind of person who could…" They have not yet learned to limit their own horizons or listened to people who leak pessimism.

One of the first steps is to re-examine and discard many of the limiting ideas you have about yourself; ideas that you have somehow collected along the way.

Deal With The Inner Negative Voice

When you start to doubt yourself listen, for a moment, to that little negative inner voice. Whose voice is it really? A parent's, old school bullies? A collection of lots of different voices from different times and people? One thing is for sure; that little inner self critical voice was not yours originally. It may masquerade as belonging to you now, but it does not really.

Tell yourself: "This is not my true voice!" Then start to challenge it and also just plain ignore it.

Turn A Weakness Into A Strength

Think back to the story of Dumbo the elephant, who was humiliated by his outsized ears. He hated them at first. But, through time, he came to use them, to fulfil his destiny even, by changing his attitude.

If we just focus on what is not right about ourselves rather than what is, then we miss opportunities for self belief. We should not assume there is nothing to improve about ourselves, but just focusing on perceived weaknesses without either taking steps to improve them or giving fair focus toward our strengths gets us nowhere.

For example, if you know that you can be stubborn then find the positive in this. Stubbornness used well is called single-minded determination. If you worry a lot, know that the positive flipside of this is that you have a powerful imagination which, in the right context, can be put to good use.

Take any negative belief you have about yourself and creatively flip it so that it becomes, in its place, a positive resource (think: 'ears/Dumbo'). You will find this exercise fun to do.

Develop Your 'Super Powers'

Think of the typical powers of the more popular superheroes and write them down before you start your day. They may be such things as super speed, the ability to climb walls, flight, x-ray vision…whatever. Why do I suggest this? Because 'priming' your mind with qualities and positive characteristics can actually determine your behaviour.

Not that you will start flying to the rescue of stranded citizens, but the pattern of superhero powers is one of ability, courage, and competence. In one study, people  asked to write down as many super powers as they could think of, were more likely to give to charity months afterwards. The pattern of giving to charity is that of being able. Prime your mind with 'able words' before you start each day.

As well as superhero powers, write all kinds of other positive characteristics (whether you think you have them or not). Do this before you go out each day. 

You do not need to focus on your own present or even future qualities here, but just on the words. Take a few moments writing them down each day, then a few moments running your eyes up and down your list (it does not matter if it is a similar list each day). Really reflect upon what each word means to you.

You will be amazed how doing this will powerfully prime your subconscious mind.

Be Your Own Motivational Coach

If you notice doubts rearing their ugly heads, imagine you (the clear-headed part of you) are the coach and the anxious part of you is the person you need to talk to.

Think what you would say to someone you really believe in if they started showing doubts. Sit down and say those same things to yourself. So if you are about to go for a job interview and you 'hear yourself' starting to express doubts, take a few moments to sit down, close your eyes, and coach yourself:

"Look, you can do this! It is natural to feel a little anxious, but that just means you care about what you are doing! You have got all the relevant experience and qualifications! Now get in there and stop whinging! Even if you do not get this job, you are going to make me proud by giving it your best shot!"

Picture the decent, friendly, straight-talking coach in your mind. Is it someone you know or would like to know? Talking to yourself in these times as if you were another person (in the privacy of your mind ) can ramp up your confidence fast.

Do 'Hero Training'

Hero training is a great way to increase your own self belief.

Think of a situation in which lack of self belief holds you back. Now think of your 'hero',  who could be a world leader, a movie hero, or the guy or girl down the road. Now close your eyes and strongly imagine them dealing with the situation 'heroically'. Now imagine being them for a few moments, experiencing that time in their shoes. Keep doing this until you notice you can start to transfer a sense of their qualities to yourself.

Create a Powerful Vision of Yourself

Self belief comes not just by trying to convince yourself you can do stuff. True self belief actually comes from developing the vision that you can relax socially, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be.

Get into the habit of sitting down, closing your eyes, and watching yourself behaving decisively, calmly, and strongly. This powerful visualisation exercise means you can learn from yourself how to be confident, have self belief, and behave in ways which maximize chances of success. Imagine you are viewing yourself on a TV screen. The 'you' in the screen is showing the you watching how to act with self belief. The more you do this, the more you will find that you quite naturally start to become like the 'you' in the movie.

Self belief does not mean arrogance or blindness to one's own shortcomings. Then again, it does not mean believing that you are perfect as you are, either. Your self belief really needs to be focused on what you will become. And an important part of self belief comes from knowing your weaknesses and being relaxed about them.

Self belief gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with setbacks by seeing them for what they are, temporary setbacks, not the end of the world. And something else you will notice, as your self belief grows, people around you start to believe in you more, too. 

With thanks to Mark Elliott and Roger Tyrrell

https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/self-belief

Face Your Challenges With Confidence

Life is full of challenges. Some people seem to meet every challenge with confidence, while others struggle to overcome them. Determined people especially get a sense of satisfaction from facing challenges head on, it brings a sense of accomplishment and can be very fulfilling. On some level, you actually seek challenges. Your highest self wants you to learn and grow, and life’s most effective tool toward growth is experience.

The problem is that all too often you might find yourself faced with the same challenges over and over again, and that is when you start to lose motivation to face the issue and you lose sight of the potential lesson. At that point, challenges can become problems that can spiral you into despair and frustration.

As a co-creator of your own reality, you have the ability to overcome these challenges. It is with this sense of responsibility and awareness that you can begin your journey into a higher state of consciousness where challenges are no longer challenges, but opportunities to get a glimpse of your highest self.

Here are some ways to better accept and meet your personal challenges, whatever they may be.

Face the Challenge

In many cases this is the most important step, the most obvious step, yet it is also the most often missed. People spend time looking for a way around the issue, or wallowing in despair at the enormity of the challenge, instead of facing it. Even mundane things, like a pileup of laundry or work, get ignored. Putting a challenge off does not make it go away. This is true of big challenges, as well as the small ones. The most important thing you can do is face what is in front of you head on.

Be Present

Do not underestimate the power of being present. If you make a practice of facing your challenges, even in failure,with full presence and awareness, you will find most challenges are not challenges at all. Instead life’s challenges become messages from the universe. Meditation can help you cultivate silent awareness and is a good tool to help bring that focus to yourself during difficult times.

You can ask yourself questions that help you better understand the problem and how it affects you.

• Why is this a challenge?
• Do I believe that I am capable of being successful at this challenge?
• What are the possible outcomes if I succeed?
• What is the outcome if I fail?

These questions are not meant to solve the problem, rather they are meant to help bring you into fuller awareness of the challenge itself and your emotional reaction to it.

Look to Your SELF for the Solution

Others can help you arrive at your own understanding, but no one ever solves your problems for you. Even in circumstances where someone else is acting as an authority or partner, only you can decide for yourself how you will process the situation. The longer you spend searching for guidance outside of yourself, the longer you spend ignoring the problem. Even those who appear to help are only acting as instruments in the greater process of love and grace that is the true nature of your relationship to the universe.

Stop looking for the easy way out or the wise words that will show you the way. Assess the situation, your resources, and your abilities, and then act. Your action may include enlisting help from others, but it will be your challenge to solve. The sooner you take up the challenge, the quicker it stops being a problem.

Know Yourself

There is a reason why certain challenges seem hard to you while others breeze right through the same situations. There is a reason why you put off a task for weeks that can be done several times a day by someone else. It is not because they have anything over you or are better than you. And it has nothing to do with a particular skill set or know how. It is all about consciousness. Those who face challenging tasks have found a way to avoid seeing those activities as challenges. 

Challenges are opportunities to grow. That growth takes place out of potentiality, your potentiality, which is infinite and highly active in every moment of life. Come to know yourself as that. You are pure potential experiencing life through what seems like limitation. Challenges are spikes in that imaginary limitation barrier that guide you to awareness.

You decide: Are you limited or are you an ever expansive growth of consciousness and love? Choose the latter, and taking another look at that so called challenge you have been facing. With your potential, you can turn a mountain of a challenge into a speck of dust. Take that dreaded project and turn it into that thing you did before lunch today.

Detach From the Outcome

Stressing about the potential outcome is often what turns a molehill into a mountain. Once you shift your focus to the thing you are actually doing, instead of the result, the most intimidating parts of the trial start to disappear.

When you attach emotions to the problem, it has power over you. If you simply perform the task at hand without worrying about the outcome, you have power over the situation.

Some challenges seem enormous and harsh, but if you remain centered and full of awareness, no challenge is too big to meet with power and grace.

With thanks to Leo Carver 

https://chopra.com/articles/how-to-face-a-challenge-with-confidence 

Turn Crisis Into Opportunity

The coronavirus lockdown has been a crisis in itself. Coming out of lockdown, after being safely cocooned in our homes, mixing with other people, is going to create another crisis for us.  How we cope with it is the important thing.     

Crises come into our lives, no matter how we may try to avoid them. They are troubling, unwanted experiences or events that take us way out of our comfort zone. Typically, crises result in some type of loss. The very nature of a crisis is antithetical to our core values of certainty and predictability as they vanish in an instant.

We desperately try to restore order to our lives, as chaos seems to prevail. Yet, if we learn to reframe how we see crisis, we might actually take advantage of it. There is the potential for alchemy as the crisis unfolds into a gain, provided we learn to stop resisting the unwanted change.

The crisis may be of a financial, relationship, health, or spiritual nature. Those crises that are internally driven tend to be relational, psychological, or emotional. Ordinarily, we try to avoid these upsets as best we can. Yet, upheavals are at times leveled upon us and may not be of our making. We may feel like victims of the circumstances, as we struggle to hold on to life as we knew it.

Typically, personal change requires our motivation and intention to serve as the catalyst to power the transition. Crisis, on the other hand, removes the self motivating requirement as it places us squarely outside of our familiar zone. The crisis literally removes the boundaries that have circumscribed us.

It is as if a tornado has swept in, and when we open our eyes, everything has changed. The maelstrom places us well beyond the bounds of the known. We typically find ourselves wanting desperately to get back inside the comfort of the known. But the crisis precludes that option. There is no going back. But that is where the opportunity lies.

Breaking Free 

Growth and fundamental levels of change only tend to occur when we are out of our comfort zone. We can refer to this as being far from equilibrium, where certainty and predictability no longer reign supreme. So we might look at the crisis as a blessing in disguise, albeit an unwanted one.

Steve Jobs might have felt self defeated and victimised after he was fired from Apple many years ago. He chose otherwise. After his dismissal, he grasped the crisis by the horns, seeing opportunity where others did not. He went on to lead a small animation company and turn it into the juggernaut that is now Pixar. When The Walt Disney Company bought Pixar in 2006, Jobs immediately became the largest shareholder in Disney. The moral of the story is that unwanted change happens, look beyond it and embrace the discomfort.

The crisis is but a snapshot of a moment in time, and one we would prefer to avoid. But to achieve self empowerment requires looking beyond that snapshot and envisioning what door of potential has just flung open.

The individual whose spouse initiated divoce or left them for another person feels betrayed and perhaps heartsick. After a time, though, they may, in fact, come to feel thankful to be freed from an unworthy and inauthentic relationship. This is particularly true if they evolve through the loss and benefit from a new and healthier relationship.

Every crisis presents an opportunity. Crisis and opportunity are merely different aspects of the process. Do we choose to focus on the crisis and freeze in fear, or do we inquire as to what the opportunity may be? 

Illuminating Crisis 

Crises tend to present themselves as either acute or chronic circumstances. For example, the fall out of the coronavirus is not just the heartache and pain of the loss of thousands of people, but also an economic upheaval that is driving the world economy into highly volatile perturbations, with both wealth and employment literally disappearing. In the lives of most people, this is an external crisis raining upon them, typically not of their own making. Yet, through these losses, many people are coming to reflect on their values and choices and are making adjustments due to the crisis, that in the long run may actually benefit them. 

Take for example the high powered Wall Street executive, who had hardly a spare moment for his family, as he was ever consumed with achieving more and more. The loss of his job at first paralysed him with fear. After a time, however, he was able to re-evaluate his priorities. He now works from home in a small business he founded, and he and his family have greatly benefited.

An unexpected health issue or the death of a loved one may bring anxiety and/or loss. However painful and stressful these challenges and losses may be, the opportunity to be in the moment and value life from a differing perspective can prevail.

Chronic crises are more personal as they manifest thematically throughout one’s life. Relationship struggles or battles with self esteem or depression tend to recur throughout life. These patterns are perpetual mini crises awaiting a more fundamental resolution.

Learning to look at the larger themes and patterns that set up these challenges will help develop a vantage point from which you may break through the struggle. In other words, what are the recurring stories of your life? What is your participation in this storyline?

Likewise, relationship difficulties tend to self-perpetuate until a turning point is reached. Often, the relationship crisis launches the couple into new territory, whereby growth may finally be achieved. The pain endured through the crisis may actually enable this gain. For example, infidelity can be a horrific experience, but it may also open the door to a more authentic examination of the marriage and the possibility of a hopeful resolution.  Couples who are prepared to take the time to work through this travail can transform their relationship in a healthy way.

Where Is the Opportunity? 

Let us delve a bit deeper into the opportunity that prevails through these hardships. A crisis is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as: “a crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point.” If we focus on the phrase “turning point,” we might ask ourselves, “Toward where are we turning?”

It is in this non reactive contemplation that we may elect to seek opportunity. This potentiality becomes obscured when we are mired in the loss of the familiar as opposed to venturing into the new. This tipping point is precisely where transformation occurs.

Do we gaze into the unfolding potential of change, or  focus on the loss of the familiar? Your answer reveals your relationship between loss and opportunity. Ultimately the question is whether we choose to freeze in the panic of the unfamiliar or seek to opportunise the new territory that is unfolding for us. The former presents anxiety and retreat, the latter evokes growth. Release your hold on loss and embrace your relationship with opportunity. They are inversely correlated.

The only constant in the universe is flow. What we call crisis is simply the occurrence of change. We are not the masters of change, and if we release our need to control it, we can ride the waves of change and often turn it into opportunity.

As George Harrison sang, “Sunrise does not last all morning.” Change happens. Prepare for it.

With thanks to Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/shift-mind/201110/turning-crisis-opportunity

Trust Your Intuition

It has been a while.....

So often we are told to “Just trust your intuition,” but what does it actually mean and more importantly, how do you do it?

Gut instinct, or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something, there is no need to think it over or get another opinion, you just know. Your intuition arises as a feeling within your body that only you experience. Because the feeling is so personal, no one else can weigh in to tell you if you are in touch with your gut instinct or not. You alone have to make the call. Because of this, trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself.

Listening to your intuition helps you avoid unhealthy relationships and situations. Throughout your life, many people will have ideas about what is best for you, some held with good intentions and some coming from a place of deceitful, harmful, selfish intent. It is sometimes hard to tell which category someone falls into, but if you put aside all of those external opinions and instead listen to the advice of your own intuition, it will guide you to what is truly best for you.

The process of trusting your intuition is not as simple as the phrase implies, though, especially when certain habits and circumstances pull us strongly and often unconsciously in the opposite direction. Luckily, our intuition is so deeply instinctual that even if we have been out of touch with it for our entire lives, it is still there inside of us, waiting for us to summon its wisdom.

Here is how you can carve a clearer path toward your own intuition and begin to draw it out regularly in your life.

Your intuition is like your own personal North Star, but there are many obstructors that act as clouds dimming its light. Once you are aware of them, you will better catch yourself when you are headed in the wrong direction for the wrong reasons so you can then take the appropriate steps to realign with your intuition. 

Here are some of the most likely culprits:

Overthinking 

Since intuition is defined as “the ability to understand something instinctively without the need for conscious reasoning". Overthinking is one of the biggest interferers. Putting excessive thought into every decision and walking through countless scenarios and outcomes can lead you away from your gut instinct, especially when you are overthinking in order to rationalise or justify something. In these cases, your thought process is not flowing freely or organically but is following a very specific agenda to build a case for something you have already made up your mind about. 

In other cases, the flood of possibilities and considerations that overthinking generates can overwhelm and confuse, leaving you in a dizzying circle without clear direction. This state is referred to as analysis paralysis. No matter the exact process, overthinking leads you to the same place, out of touch with your gut instinct.

Indecision

Often enters the picture when you are overthinking and other times when you are outwardly focused. For example, if you wonder, “Will someone else like me if I do this?” In these instances, you are thinking about your behaviour in a lens coloured by the rules, preferences, and expectations that someone else has set rather than looking inwardly and allowing your own thoughts and needs to guide your behaviour, which would lead you to ask a very different question like, “How will I feel about myself if I do this?” because indecison shifts the focus away from you, distants you from your intuition.

Prejudice and Unconscious Bias 

Even though prejudices and unconscious biases are in some ways the opposite of overthinking, they have similar effects on your intuition. As opposed to overthinking and over analysis, prejudices and unconscious biases operate from quick judgements that the brain automatically makes based on past experiences, stereotypes, and background instead of based on reason or actual experience. As a result, neither of these culprits allows space for you to tap into the experiential nature of intuition.

Loved One or Authoritive Figure 

Often, the person who has the greatest power to eclipse or cloud your gut instinct is a loved one or authority figure whose love or approval you wish to win over, for example, a parent, significant other, teacher, or coach.

When you badly want something When you are really hungry for something, whether love, acceptance, children, social status, or something else, your strong desire to fill that gaping need can cause you to overlook or ignore any red flags along the way. Being laser focused on satisfying a need you deem worthy of almost any cost leaves little opportunity to acknowledge or follow your intuition, especially if that gut instinct is at odds with something or someone closely aligned with this need.

Previous Trauma or Abuse 

Perhaps the most complex and powerful of all the culprits is having experienced abuse and trauma as a child. Why? Because childhood abuse can leave a lasting impact on a person that remains even in adulthood. Growing up experiencing physical, emotional/psychological, and/or sexual abuse can cause children to distrust their experience and blame themselves. Since trusting your intuition is the same as trusting yourself, tapping into this gut instinct can be a struggle.

How To Cultivate Your Intuition

Slow down and clear your mind When you are living in a cloudy haze and rushing here and there, whether physically or mentally, you miss information. Slowing down helps you better recognise and process the information you receive, not only in your mind but also in your body. To do so, you must mentally and physically clear away the clutter. In real life, it might look like pushing back a deadline to remove urgency from a decision. It could also mean stepping away from a situation in order to gain further clarity, for instance taking a vacation before making a career change or spending some time apart from a significant other to determine if you are right for each other.

Slowing down means purposefully making space for your intuition to occupy. The slower pace helps to shift your perspective and clear away distractions so that you can see and feel what truly does matter. Explore meditation, yoga, mindful breathing exercises and other practices that move your focus from darting thoughts into a deeper space of calm and centered focus within you.

Notice Sensations In Your Body 

Intuition is grounded within the sensations inside of the body, so learning to recognise what is going on within your body, i.e. what you are feeling, is key to developing your intuition. While we might use the terms “feelings” and “sensations” interchangeably to describe intuition, note the slight distinction here. 

Specifically, we are more interested in understanding how your body feels in response to an emotion, for example, anger feels tight, sore, hot, and tingly, rather than simply naming an emotion like sad, angry, or frustrated, and stopping there. A great way to practice is to label the emotion in the moment when you experience it, e.g. anger. then feel what sensations arise within your body that are associated with that emotion. such as your jaw is tight and shoulders are raised and tense. Doing so helps you stay out of your head where you risk being swept away by thoughts and instead tune into your body where your intuition resides.

Begin practicing as a novice observer, merely noticing with interest what is happening to your body in response to different stimuli and emotions. Guided body scan meditations are especially helpful in sharpening this skill. So exercises are where you bring to mind a specific memory and then label and feel the emotions it elicits within your body. In all of these exercises, pay particular attention to your breathing, muscles, and heart rate to see how your body reacts and what that reaction tells you. The information it holds is crucial to devising action that is meaningful and relevant to you.

Focus On You 

Ask yourself, “What do I really need here? What is important for me?” This is one of those times when it should be all about you, so give yourself full permission to do so. If you find your focus shifting to other people and their needs, notice and purposefully return your attention back to being curious about what you need and want, because that is where you will find your ntuition. Concentrating on these needs helps to more easily pave the pathway there. 

To clear the air around your intuition, it might be helpful to first go through the list of culprits above to identify the external factors influencing you, acknowledging them so that you can then put them aside for the moment. Your intuition is part of your highest, wisest self, so make sure the focus is squarely on you.

Take Action 

The feeling of intuition is like an ocean current navigating you toward a purposeful life. Once you discover it, you still need to jump in a boat and set sail in order to derive its full value. After you answer the question “What do I need right now?”, do something to give yourself what you need. It might be the tiniest step, but size does not matter here. Small steps can actually be beneficial at first to gradually build trust with your intuitive self whom you may be meeting for the first time or becoming reacquainted with, after an unhealthy relationship separated you. What is important is that you are following your intuition.

Remember that trusting your intuition is a journey which will lead you back through these steps often as circumstances change and life continues to move onwards. Consider your intuition as a muscle to strengthen. With purposeful practice and frequent use, it will become more powerful and better serve its purpose, guiding you home to yourself.

With thanks to Emily DeSanctis

https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/yes-trust-gut-heres

The Power Of The Mind

Mind power is one of the strongest and most useful powers you possess.

This power consists of your thoughts. When you add focus and feelings, thoughts become powerful.

The thoughts that pass through your mind are responsible for everything that happens in your life. Your predominant thoughts influence your behaviour and attitude and control your actions and reactions. As your thoughts are, so is your life.

Be Careful What You Think

Thoughts are like a video that plays on the screen of your mind. What you play there, determines the kind of life you live and the experiences you meet. To make changes in your life, you have to play a different video, one that you like more.

Thought Is A Creative Power

You can train and strengthen this power. You can use it to make changes in your life, and to influence other people's minds.

If you plant seeds, water them, and give them fertiliser, they will grow into healthy and strong plants.

Thoughts, like seeds, have a natural tendency to grow, get powerful, and manifest in your life. This happens when you feed them with attention, interest and enthusiasm.

Your thoughts pass from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind, which in turn, influences your actions in accordance with these thoughts. Your thoughts also pass to other minds, and consequently, people who are in a position to help you, might offer you their help, sometimes, without even knowing why.

This might seem strange and unbelievable. You do not have to accept these words, but if you analyse the kind of thoughts you think, and the kind of life you live, you will discover interesting things about the mind.

The power of your mind is part of the creative power of the Universe, which means that your thoughts work together with it. You are a manifestation of the Universal mind.

When you repeat the same thought over and over, in one way or another, this mighty power helps you make your thoughts come true.

Using the power of thoughts effectively, is an act of "practical daydreaming".

Ways to Use the Power of your Thoughts 

Visualise a perfect scene of whatever you want to accomplish.

Put a lot of detail, colour, sound, scent and life into these mental scenes.

Repeat your visualisation often, with faith and attention, and your subconscious will accept these mental scenes as real experiences. The subconscious mind does not distinguish between real and imaginary experiences, and accepts both as real. It will start making changes and attracting opportunities, to make your reality match the images in your subconscious mind.

Actions, situations, and objects that you visualise frequently, eventually, manifest on the material plane in a natural way. This manifestation does not happen overnight. It needs time, and depends on how ambitious and sincere you are, and how much time and attention you put into this action.

You can use this process to change negative habits and build new, positive habits or skills. You can also use it for attracting money and possessions, for promotion at work, for building  a business, improving health and relationships, changing circumstances, and for practically almost everything.

Pay attention to the thoughts you think. Do your best to reject negative thoughts, and allow into your mind only thoughts that bring good, happy, and positive results.

With thanks to Remez Sasson

https://www.successconsciousness.com/index_000086.htm