Self Worth - The Definitive Guide to Valuing Yourself

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one's success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.

Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society's scale of success.

The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or "how well you are doing". In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else's bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else's looks. The humour in Daniel Gilbert's definition of happiness (Harvard psychology professor and the author of Stumbling on Happiness) says it all: "Happiness is proportional to your salary divided by your brother-in-law's salary."

The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multimillionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.

The Paradox of Valuing Outward Appearances: How you value yourself is a reflection of how you value others. For instance, if you have placed an undue value on money as a symbol of success, then in your estimation, people with more money are to be admired more than those with less. Ironically, the very people who you admire most are also the people you envy most when their bank balance outdoes yours. Therein lies the paradox - whatever you admire most, you must also envy. In other words, you can never really be happy for those you admire most when your own self worth is based on outward appearances.

The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fueled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that - appearances - or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically "real". It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all - your mind - and are hence subject to change through your mind's activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the Law of Attraction, you create more of the same.

What Do You Really Value? It should be obvious to you by now that it is futile to base your self worth on outward appearances that are relative in nature and simply the product of one's mind. The question then is, what should you base it on instead? This exercise will enable you to see for yourself what you really value. Make a list all those human qualities that you value. Some examples may be personal integrity, self love, the ability to show love, kindness, self-confidence, honesty, self-conviction, being true to oneself, a sense of humour, affection, gratitude and so on. Also, the ability to use and display any one emotion appropriately, at the right time and in the appropriate degree.

Now compare this list of values to your original list of outward appearances that you have up until now inadvertently been using as your yardstick for self worth. Which list holds what you truly value? It is easy, the one that makes you feel an inner sense of calm and power that cannot be disturbed by outward forces or opinions. It is the list of human values. The more you associate yourself with the the Real You that is your higher self, the more such human values will define you.

Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereo-typical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Your Very Own Definition of Success: Write down your own definition of success, including all those virtues you admire most, and use it as your new yardstick for success. Think big and go beyond even what Emerson had to say about success. Make sure your definition of success is about you - not about others, or how you compare to them or what they may think of you. Print it out and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Read it every day and endeavour to make it your way of life. You will quickly find that your need to compare yourself to anyone else disappears.

As a once-off exercise, use your new definition of success to re-compare yourself to those people you used to compare yourself to based on society's definition. You may find that they do not display any of the virtues that you have used to define real success, and so no matter how much money they have, or how high up they have climbed on the career ladder, or how attractive they are, or how happy they seem to be in their relationships; that you would never really want to be like them. For example, would you still want someone else's career position if you knew they had back-stabbed their colleagues to get there? Hardly! Of course, when comparing yourself to random strangers, you can never really know their true virtues, so doing so is itself pointless based on your new definition of success.
To read the full article go to http://www.mind-your-reality.com/self_worth.html#Part_2

How To Keep Every Resolution Without Fail

We have all done it. We make New Year resolutions, maybe struggle to keep them for a few days, make ourselves miserable and then lapse back into our old habits.

Sure, we keep a few of these resolutions during our life but, for most, it is a losing battle. Now there is a vital formula that can ensure that you can keep every resolution without fail.

We could all benefit from this simple procedure, the key lies in the world ‘resolution’. When we make these promises to ourselves, we should drop the ‘re’ bit of the word and concentrate on the solution.

Many people benefit from this simple change to their thinking. “Consider why people make resolutions. It is usually because there is some aspect of their life that they want to change for the better. Then, instead of focusing on the great benefits that they will achieve, they focus on what they are giving up so, of course they fail”.

In this life you attract whatever it is that you think about the most. If you think about negative words like giving up, stopping, doing less or changing something that you have enjoyed for years, then it is inevitable that your subconscious will rebel to ensure that it does not happen.

Instead of thinking about resolutions, think about solutions. Think about how you will look, feel and sound when you have found the solution. Instead of thinking about what you may be giving up, think about what you will gain. Remember too that there is no success or failure, there is only a result. Don’t beat yourself up if the result is not what you planned, just change something and start again.

Here are some pointers about why so many people get results that they see as failure. There are two main reasons. The first is that you try to change the habits of a lifetime overnight and the human mind and body does not work like that. The other is that you attempt to do it alone. The help and support of a nonjudgmental and uncritical third party is crucial to a good outcome.

Many people think that setting a resolution is all that it needs. It is important to take time to fully appreciate why you have chosen a certain resolution and to examine your commitment to the change. Then  define strategies for creating the change with small action steps that will gradually bring you closer to your goals. 

Achieving solutions begins with setting them correctly and then having support to make them happen in a timescale that the body and mind can and will accept.

New Year solutions are great if they get you thinking about your life. Remember, you can start work on a new solution at any time. The power of the personal change is just too good to be limited to the first few days of the year and it really is possible to keep every resolution without fail.

Copyright The Coaching Academy

    Happy Prosperous New Year

A Special Time for Special Relationships

Christmas is for many overwhelming and stressful, presents and food to be bought, family gatherings to be arranged. It is therefore a time when relationships are foremost on their minds. But for some, it is a time of deception, when the printed words of peace and love are in direct opposition to what they really feel inside.

“At this time of year, any relationships that are under strain may totally split asunder. As families gather together old animosities and rivalries can bubble to the surface. The mature approach is to just let them go but it is not easy. It takes two people to have a disagreement. If one of them (you) decides that life is too short and makes a personal commitment to let the real happiness and peace that is Christmas become a reality, then there is no argument. There is no point in winning a series of battles if you can simply end the war”.

Now is the time to review relationships at home, work, and in a social environment, to create a strategy for repairing any relationships that are suspect and terminating those that are beyond repair. It takes inner strength to make the decisions and the commitment. Even small achievements can create their motivation. “If you use your energy to perpetuate a feeling of grudge, envy or hurt, then you are using energy that could, and should be directed to more positive things – like building yourself the life that you truly desire”.

When repairing relationships there is no blame, no right and no wrong. There is simply an outcome or result that arises from an action. If you can learn the actions that create harmony and peace, then the joy of Christmas really will, as the cards say, stay with you throughout the rest of the year. If you want to change somebody else the only place you can begin is with changing yourself. And, the only time you can start is right now”.

Copyright the Coaching Academy

Happy Christmas - Happy Hanukkah - Happy Holidays  

The Crystallization of Desire Into Action

We have learned that thoughts are things and we bring them into physical form. It starts with us having a DESIRE. In this chapter Mr. Hill tells us the method or recipe of ORGANIZED PLANNING. It began with the instructions given in chapter 2.

The 6 steps of the instructions are:

• First. Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is important to have a clear goal.
• Second. Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. There is no such reality as   “something for nothing”.
• Third. Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire. Without this step, it could take the rest of your life or longer.
• Fourth. Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.

This step is the ORGANIZED PLANNING.

Mr. Hill’s recipe is: Take DESIRE (the first step toward riches) and hand it over to your IMAGINATION (the 5th step toward riches, the workshop of the mind) to create plans to reach the DESIRE. Take the PLAN and create a MASTERMIND that is appropriately motivated and that meets frequently to work on the plan.

• Fifth. Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it. In other words, write the first 4 steps down.
• Sixth. Read your written statement out loud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night, and once after arising in the morning.

This becomes your self-talk or AUTO-SUGGESTION to your SUBCONSCIOUS which automatically attaches memories (SYNTHETIC IMAGINATION) or, will search the ether for thoughts (through CREATIVE IMAGINATION and THE SIXTH SENSE) of other THOUGHTS that will cause actions for the requested DESIRE to become known to you. The subconscious has no other choice than to do what you tell it to do. As you read what you have written, see and feel and believe yourself already in possession of the money. Also make sure to attach the positive emotions, assuming you are after a positive outcome.

Mr. Hill says that these steps are the most important to reach the goal of the PLAN. You must work with others that are interested in seeing the plan come to fruition. Your mastermind group need not be large. It could be one other person. The point is that together, you create a third collective mind that is capable of trouble-shooting the plan. They have different life experiences form you. Perhaps they’ve tried what you are doing before and are able to shortcut or emphasize on steps that should be taken. They also have their own pool of other people they can call on if you both reach a place of unknown for the both of you.

If and when you come upon failure or TEMPORARY DEFEAT, the plans should be examined and reworked with the mastermind. PERSISTENCE (the 8th step toward riches) should be applied to power FAITH (the 2nd step toward riches) in the DESIRE and use the recipe in step 4 again. Repeat as needed and never give up. Thus the steps in chapter 2 ultimately craft the auto-suggestion and the reason for the mastermind to be.

“Some people foolishly believe that only MONEY can make money. This is not true! DESIRE, transmuted into its monetary equivalent, through the principles laid down here, is the agency through which money is “made.” Money, of itself, is nothing but inert matter. It cannot move, think, or talk, but it can “hear” when a man who DESIRES it, calls it to come!” – Napoleon Hill.

To read the full article go to http://vanessaharts.wordpress.com/tag/crystallization-of-desire-into-action/

Building Real Abundance

How soon will you realize that the only thing you don’t have is the direct experience that there’s nothing you need that you don’t have?" --Ken Keyes, Jr., Handbook to Higher Consciousness 

Too often we believe that if we had "a little more of this" or "a little more of that," our lives would be better. But would they really? Real abundance comes not from without, but from deep within. Recognizing that we are already rich—rich in spirit—is where genuine abundance dwells. 

A Course in Miracles teaches us that whenever we are looking outside ourselves for anything, we will only feel more incomplete. This is referred to as "the scarcity principle" which is based upon the common belief that somehow we are incomplete and not whole just the way we are. 

And in order to fill this "hole," our insidious ego believes it must grab onto certain things and hold on for dear life: people, resources, recognition, approval, and so forth. This leads us to taking action under the ego’s direction. But since the action is based on superficial intention, it produces insignificant results leading to an even greater sense of lack. 

The ego’s doctrine is "seek but do not find," a perfect example of how glutinous the ego is and how futile its’ endless chase for seeking outside one’s self. This scenario reminds me of a book I once bought for my daughter when she was a very young girl called the "Greedy Python." The python was so greedy that he ate everything in sight, including his own tail, which inevitably led to eating himself! 

Abundance, on the other hand, is the love inside of us—that infinite wellspring where our fulfillment and peace of mind exists; the source of love within us where our genuine inspiration lives; the channel that allows our creativity to burst forth and our love to pour outward. It’s not what we do or create that matters as much as the intention behind it. 

For example, when I’m writing or painting I feel like I’m on "overflow" because joy and contentment bubble up from deep within. The finished article or painting is rewarding, but that’s not from where my real gratification comes. 

My creation is only an effect of my true creative source; it’s merely the results of the heartfelt energy I’m extending. It’s the expression of my love and creative inspiration that fulfills me. That’s why giving and receiving are the same. 

Diane Berke, author of The Gentle Smile: Practicing Oneness in Everyday Life, states, "Giving and receiving are complementary aspects of a single movement, a single process, like breathing in and breathing out." 

Whenever you are giving a part of yourself via a creative endeavor, discussion with your child, business accomplishment or anything else, you are also the receiver of your energy. Since we are all one, whatever you give to another, you are by definition, giving to yourself. 

In Buddhism being compassionately generous to all people is the basis for living a genuine and fulfilling spiritual life. In this same spirit of wisdom, the Buddhist teachings remind us that all of our suffering occurs from having an attachment to something outside ourselves. 

These "somethings" are what keeps us on the "wheel of suffering," the merry-go-round of external attachments that all human beings must come to terms with during their evolutionary journey. As we practice giving we are reminded that we need nothing outside ourselves, that everything we will ever need is already within. 

Some practical ways to build real abundance in your life include: 

1. Increase your willingness to give. A Course in Miracles teaches us, "Give a little more than you think you can, a little more than you feel comfortable with." The key here, is "a little more." 

Throughout each day we have numerous opportunities to give, and we grow in abundance as we act on those opportunities. Just a little stretch is all that’s required in order for us to experience a sense of true giving. 

2. Keep your intentions pure. Remember that you are always the giver and receiver. Most people unconsciously give to get something in return: appreciation, recognition, payment, etc. Be willing to give to others in a way that you would want to be given to. 

Before you give, ask yourself, What am I doing this for?" If the answer is "Because I want to give, just to give, and I expect nothing in return," and you mean it, then trust that your intention is pure of heart. 

3. Practice receiving with graciousness. So many times, we discount compliments or refuse to receive what another wants to give. Low self-worth convinces us we don’t deserve the compliment or gift, or distrust tells us that if we receive something, we’ll be obligated. 

It’s important to remember that you cannot truly give if you’re unwilling to receive, for they compliment each other like a hand and glove. All of us are connected with every living thing and our interdependence is the sacred web of life we exist within. 

4. Give in those situations where you feel the most lack. In what area of your life do you feel the most scarcity? For some it’s money, recognition or approval, for others it’s time, and still for others it is love, affection or companionship. Determine where you feel the greatest lack then allow it to come fully into your awareness. 

These areas are your greatest opportunities for practicing abundance because the place you most need to give is the area in which you are feeling the most lack. The initial reaction, of course, is to grab on even harder and faster, but that will only take you further into the quicksand of emptiness. Ask Spirit for guidance, then be willing to give. 

The results are truly miraculous. As you begin giving in situations where you once felt lack, your giving will fill you up until there’s no more room for anything but a sense of completion and abundance. Be gentle with yourself and validate yourself for reaching out instead of pulling back. 

© Copyright Laura V. Hyde. All Rights Reserved. 

To read the complete article go to http://getmotivation.com/prosperity/abundance-lhyde.htm