A Special Time For Relationships

Christmas is for many overwhelming and stressful, even more so now, as we draw to the end of the year of the pandemic.

 

This year, it is not just about presents and food to be bought or family gatherings to be arranged.

 

For so many people it is also the trauma of loneliness, because the pandemic restrictions are forcing people to be apart from their loved ones or they are just allowed to have one day with their families.

 

It is therefore a time when relationships are foremost on peoples minds.

 

However for some, it is a time of deception, when the printed words of peace and love are in direct opposition to what they really feel inside.

A this time of year, any relationships that are under strain may totally split asunder.  

As families gather together in person or via Zoom, old animosities and rivalries can bubble to the surface. 

The mature approach is to just let them go, but it is not easy. 

It takes two people to have a disagreement. 

If one of them (you), decides that life is too short and makes a personal commitment to let the real happiness and peace that is Christmas become a reality, then there is no argument. 

There is no point in winning a series of battles, if you can simply end the war.

 

If you use your energy to perpetuate a feeling of grudge, envy or hurt, then you are using energy that could, and should be directed to more positive things, like building yourself the life that you truly desire.

 

If you can learn the actions that create harmony and peace, then the joy of Christmas really will, as the cards say, stay with you throughout the rest of the year. 

If you want to change somebody else the only place you can begin is with changing yourself. 

And, the only time you can start is right now.

Wishing you love, light and peace over the holiday season and stay safe. 

Time To Give Thanks

 In America, besides sharing time with family and friends over food, the primary ingredient of the Thanksgiving holiday is gratitude. While it is certainly good to have an annual holiday to remind us to express gratitude, there is much to be said for the benefits of cultivating the spirit of thankfulness all year round.

People who are thankful for what they have are better able to cope with stress, have more positive emotions, and are better able to reach their goals. Scientists have even noted that gratitude is associated with improved health.

Published in the Harvard Mental Health Letter,1 "expressing thanks may be one of the simplest ways to feel better:"

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible.

With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognise that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves.

As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals, whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.

People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude).

Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone's gratitude, it is a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.

The head of biologic psychology at Duke University Medical Center once stated that: "If [thankfulness] were a drug, it would be the world's best selling product with a health maintenance indication for every major organ system."2

One way to harness the positive power of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal or list, where you actively write down exactly what you are grateful for each day. In one study people who kept a gratitude journal reported exercising more, and they had fewer visits to the doctor compared to those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Studies have shown that gratitude can produce a number of measurable effects on a number of systems in your body.

Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

Cultivating a sense of gratitude will help you refocus your attention toward what is good and right in your life, rather than dwelling on the negatives and all the things you may feel are lacking.

And, like a muscle, this mental state can be strengthened with practice. Besides keeping a daily gratitude journal, other ways to cultivate a sense of gratitude include:

• Write thank you notes: Whether in response to a gift or kind act, or simply as a show of gratitude for someone being in your life, getting into the habit of writing thank you letters can help you express gratitude in addition to simply feeling it inside.

• Count your blessings: Once a week, reflect on events for which you are grateful, and write them down. As you do, feel the sensations of happiness and thankfulness you felt at the time it happened, going over it again in your mind.

• Pray: Expressing thanks during your prayers is another way to cultivate gratitude.

• Mindfulness Meditation: Practicing "mindfulness" means that you are actively paying attention to the moment you are in right now. A mantra is sometimes used to help maintain focus, but you can also focus on something that you are grateful for, such as a pleasant smell, a cool breeze, or a lovely memory.

Expanding the Science and Practice of Gratitude

Three years ago, the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California  launched a project called "Cultivating Gratitude in a Consumerist Society." This project aims to:

• Expand the scientific database of gratitude, particularly in the key areas of human health, personal and relational wellbeing, and developmental science;

• Promote evidence based practices of gratitude in medical, educational, and organisational settings and in schools, workplaces, homes and communities, and in so doing…

• Engage the public in a larger cultural conversation about the role of gratitude in civil society.

Previous research has shown that employees whose managers say "thank you" feel greater motivation at work, and work harder than peers who do not hear those "magic words. Being on the receiving end of a person's gratitude can boost a subjects' sense of self-worth and/or self-efficacy. It also appears to encourage participants to further help the person who offered the gratitude but also another, unrelated person in an unconscious 'pay it forward' kind of connection."

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude as Part of a Healthy Lifestyle

Starting each day by thinking of all the things you have to be thankful for is one way to put your mind on the right track. Also, remember that your future depends largely on the thoughts you think today. So each moment of every day is an opportunity to turn your thinking around, thereby helping or hindering your ability to think and feel more positive in the very next moment.

Most experts agree that there are no shortcuts to happiness. Even generally happy people do not experience joy 24 hours a day. But a happy person can have a bad day and still find pleasure in the small things in life.

Be thankful for what you have. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, remember the 1,000 reasons you have to smile. Face your past without regret; prepare for the future without fear; focus on what is good right now, in the present moment, and practice gratitude. Remember to say "thank you" to yourself, the Universe, and others. It is wonderful to see a person smile, and even more wonderful knowing that you are the reason behind it! 

With thanks to Dr Mercola

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/11/27/thanksgiving-gratitude.aspx

Go The Extra Mile

Are you someone who consistently goes the extra mile and routinely over delivers on your promises?

It is rare these days, but it is the hallmark of high achievers who know that exceeding expectations helps you stand above the crowd. Almost by force of habit, successful people simply do more.

As a result, they experience not only greater financial rewards for their extra efforts but also a personal transformation, becoming more self-confident, self-reliant, and influential with those around them. These high achievers stand out from the crowd because of their extra efforts. They are unwilling to give up, even in the face of difficult times. They get the promotions and loyal customers. Grow their businesses twice as fast, get financial rewards, job security, and go home feeling satisfied.

Do you exceed expectations?

Do you surprise people with more than they were expecting from you?

Do you have the opportunity and the personal initiative to go the extra mile?

To be successful you must change your thinking. You can only win by making extra efforts. People who go the extra mile always get payback. You will discover yourself becoming more self-confident, more self-reliant and more influential with those around you.

People notice the special services and all the small touches that make dealing with you so pleasurable. And when they are talking to their friends they will mention you and recommend you because you are the one who stands out.

People will see that you pay attention to detail, that you consider all the small things that really make a business successful, that you care about your image, and that you belong with all the other people who work hard to achieve. You will attract new business and new opportunities.

Listen to any success story and you will hear of someone who worked exceptionally hard to get what they wanted.

You will hear how they put in the extra time, did what was not part of their job description, and over delivered on what was asked of them. You will hear how they stuck at it until they broke through, and usually hear how it only took them a couple of years to do it.

What have you been doing for the past couple of years? Think of what you could accomplish if you made it a habit to exceed everyone’s expectations. Image what doors could be open to you if you decided to be of better service and value.

How are you willing to go the extra mile? What kind of extra service are you willing to provide in order to stand out from the rest? What areas of your life could you be giving more of your effort and time, becoming more valuable, and improving your reputation?

Be willing to treat everyone like you would treat your dearest friend. Do not skimp on service nor be mediocre or run of the mill. Show people what you are capable of and that you care about your image and reputation.

When it comes to success, the people who are willing to go the extra mile get there that much faster!

With thanks to Jack Canfield http://www.pure-spirit.com/articles/read-more-articles/211-going-the-extra-mile

Tune Into Your Authentic Power

 Authentic Power is something you have to want. 

This is where everything begins with intention and an awareness, in other words, authentic power versus external power. 

Authentic Power is when our personality works in alignment with our soul.

External Power is when we attempt to live up to external standards usually at the cost of others or for others.

If you are in a place in your life where keeping up with the Kardashians is important, the number of followers vs. the quality of followers, being seen as better, stronger, successful then you are seeking external power.

It is far easier to seek External Power. It feeds our ego not our soul. When we chose to feed our soul our focus changes inward.

The Effortless Lion

When you think of a lion, you think effortless power. He just is powerful. He does not try to be anything, he just is.

That is Authentic Power. It does not come from what you are doing it comes from how you are doing it. Your intention. It is you in the silence of your heart.

To live a mindful, sacred, intentional life you need to set your intention each day and fine tune your awareness of how you are feeling, responding and experiencing life. On most days you have then stepped into your Authentic Power living in harmony.

That does not mean you do not have conflict. Chaos and conflict are your constant companions. Make every effort to make them comfortable in your life.

When No One Is Watching

What do you do when no one is watching? Are you still thinking of ways to impress your friends? Be better, smarter, more beautiful, thinner or a super cool parent?  Do you shame others to feel better about yourself or tribe? Sell yourself short so others will be happy, pleased, from someone else’s perspective? Do you live in fear and what if’s? These are all states that keep us in an external power state.

Or

Do you seek harmony, cooperation, curiosity? Do you know the difference between sleeping with someone and sleeping with someone you love?” That is the perfect example of external vs. authentic power. When we can share love, intimacy and vulnerability there is simply no room for external power.

When no one is watching can you sit in stillness and be a loving presence?

Creating Authentic Power 

You MUST want to do it. You cannot fake it nor can you be half hearted.

Your focus is gentle, loving, kind and respectful. No matter what. Not just to certain people but it needs to be joyfully extended to everyone and every situation.

Set your intentions daily to become more gentle, loving, kind and respectful in every aspect of yourself.

When you leave your external power behind and fully embrace your authentic power you will start to feel peace.

Authentic power will make you a more compassionate, understanding and a genuinely loving person.

Being mindful, aware and intentional should become your daily guideposts, making your more gentle, loving, kind and respectful?

With thanks to Renee Tarantowski

https://medium.com/thrive-global/understanding-authentic-power-42252aa5a2e2

Self Belief

It has been a while......

 Self belief is vital. How many things have you not done or tried because you lacked belief in yourself?

Many fail to believe in themselves because others did not. But as Eleanor Roosevelt so deftly put it:

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Yet self doubts creep in, like unwelcome house guests that keep calling round simply because you played host to them before. Doubts such as:

• Can I really do this?
• Other people are better, smarter, more worthy than me.
• What will other people think if I do/say this?
• I cannot risk failure.
• Success is for others but not for the likes of me!

If you sometimes have trouble believing in yourself then practice these self belief tips.

Self Belief Can Be Learnt

Your level of self belief is not set in stone. We can all be flexible and change. Remember you were born into this world with no sense of what you could or could not do. Then, bit by bit, life started to teach you to limit yourself. A very young child never says: "I am not the kind of person who could…" They have not yet learned to limit their own horizons or listened to people who leak pessimism.

One of the first steps is to re-examine and discard many of the limiting ideas you have about yourself; ideas that you have somehow collected along the way.

Deal With The Inner Negative Voice

When you start to doubt yourself listen, for a moment, to that little negative inner voice. Whose voice is it really? A parent's, old school bullies? A collection of lots of different voices from different times and people? One thing is for sure; that little inner self critical voice was not yours originally. It may masquerade as belonging to you now, but it does not really.

Tell yourself: "This is not my true voice!" Then start to challenge it and also just plain ignore it.

Turn A Weakness Into A Strength

Think back to the story of Dumbo the elephant, who was humiliated by his outsized ears. He hated them at first. But, through time, he came to use them, to fulfil his destiny even, by changing his attitude.

If we just focus on what is not right about ourselves rather than what is, then we miss opportunities for self belief. We should not assume there is nothing to improve about ourselves, but just focusing on perceived weaknesses without either taking steps to improve them or giving fair focus toward our strengths gets us nowhere.

For example, if you know that you can be stubborn then find the positive in this. Stubbornness used well is called single-minded determination. If you worry a lot, know that the positive flipside of this is that you have a powerful imagination which, in the right context, can be put to good use.

Take any negative belief you have about yourself and creatively flip it so that it becomes, in its place, a positive resource (think: 'ears/Dumbo'). You will find this exercise fun to do.

Develop Your 'Super Powers'

Think of the typical powers of the more popular superheroes and write them down before you start your day. They may be such things as super speed, the ability to climb walls, flight, x-ray vision…whatever. Why do I suggest this? Because 'priming' your mind with qualities and positive characteristics can actually determine your behaviour.

Not that you will start flying to the rescue of stranded citizens, but the pattern of superhero powers is one of ability, courage, and competence. In one study, people  asked to write down as many super powers as they could think of, were more likely to give to charity months afterwards. The pattern of giving to charity is that of being able. Prime your mind with 'able words' before you start each day.

As well as superhero powers, write all kinds of other positive characteristics (whether you think you have them or not). Do this before you go out each day. 

You do not need to focus on your own present or even future qualities here, but just on the words. Take a few moments writing them down each day, then a few moments running your eyes up and down your list (it does not matter if it is a similar list each day). Really reflect upon what each word means to you.

You will be amazed how doing this will powerfully prime your subconscious mind.

Be Your Own Motivational Coach

If you notice doubts rearing their ugly heads, imagine you (the clear-headed part of you) are the coach and the anxious part of you is the person you need to talk to.

Think what you would say to someone you really believe in if they started showing doubts. Sit down and say those same things to yourself. So if you are about to go for a job interview and you 'hear yourself' starting to express doubts, take a few moments to sit down, close your eyes, and coach yourself:

"Look, you can do this! It is natural to feel a little anxious, but that just means you care about what you are doing! You have got all the relevant experience and qualifications! Now get in there and stop whinging! Even if you do not get this job, you are going to make me proud by giving it your best shot!"

Picture the decent, friendly, straight-talking coach in your mind. Is it someone you know or would like to know? Talking to yourself in these times as if you were another person (in the privacy of your mind ) can ramp up your confidence fast.

Do 'Hero Training'

Hero training is a great way to increase your own self belief.

Think of a situation in which lack of self belief holds you back. Now think of your 'hero',  who could be a world leader, a movie hero, or the guy or girl down the road. Now close your eyes and strongly imagine them dealing with the situation 'heroically'. Now imagine being them for a few moments, experiencing that time in their shoes. Keep doing this until you notice you can start to transfer a sense of their qualities to yourself.

Create a Powerful Vision of Yourself

Self belief comes not just by trying to convince yourself you can do stuff. True self belief actually comes from developing the vision that you can relax socially, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be.

Get into the habit of sitting down, closing your eyes, and watching yourself behaving decisively, calmly, and strongly. This powerful visualisation exercise means you can learn from yourself how to be confident, have self belief, and behave in ways which maximize chances of success. Imagine you are viewing yourself on a TV screen. The 'you' in the screen is showing the you watching how to act with self belief. The more you do this, the more you will find that you quite naturally start to become like the 'you' in the movie.

Self belief does not mean arrogance or blindness to one's own shortcomings. Then again, it does not mean believing that you are perfect as you are, either. Your self belief really needs to be focused on what you will become. And an important part of self belief comes from knowing your weaknesses and being relaxed about them.

Self belief gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with setbacks by seeing them for what they are, temporary setbacks, not the end of the world. And something else you will notice, as your self belief grows, people around you start to believe in you more, too. 

With thanks to Mark Elliott and Roger Tyrrell

https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/self-belief

Face Your Challenges With Confidence

Life is full of challenges. Some people seem to meet every challenge with confidence, while others struggle to overcome them. Determined people especially get a sense of satisfaction from facing challenges head on, it brings a sense of accomplishment and can be very fulfilling. On some level, you actually seek challenges. Your highest self wants you to learn and grow, and life’s most effective tool toward growth is experience.

The problem is that all too often you might find yourself faced with the same challenges over and over again, and that is when you start to lose motivation to face the issue and you lose sight of the potential lesson. At that point, challenges can become problems that can spiral you into despair and frustration.

As a co-creator of your own reality, you have the ability to overcome these challenges. It is with this sense of responsibility and awareness that you can begin your journey into a higher state of consciousness where challenges are no longer challenges, but opportunities to get a glimpse of your highest self.

Here are some ways to better accept and meet your personal challenges, whatever they may be.

Face the Challenge

In many cases this is the most important step, the most obvious step, yet it is also the most often missed. People spend time looking for a way around the issue, or wallowing in despair at the enormity of the challenge, instead of facing it. Even mundane things, like a pileup of laundry or work, get ignored. Putting a challenge off does not make it go away. This is true of big challenges, as well as the small ones. The most important thing you can do is face what is in front of you head on.

Be Present

Do not underestimate the power of being present. If you make a practice of facing your challenges, even in failure,with full presence and awareness, you will find most challenges are not challenges at all. Instead life’s challenges become messages from the universe. Meditation can help you cultivate silent awareness and is a good tool to help bring that focus to yourself during difficult times.

You can ask yourself questions that help you better understand the problem and how it affects you.

• Why is this a challenge?
• Do I believe that I am capable of being successful at this challenge?
• What are the possible outcomes if I succeed?
• What is the outcome if I fail?

These questions are not meant to solve the problem, rather they are meant to help bring you into fuller awareness of the challenge itself and your emotional reaction to it.

Look to Your SELF for the Solution

Others can help you arrive at your own understanding, but no one ever solves your problems for you. Even in circumstances where someone else is acting as an authority or partner, only you can decide for yourself how you will process the situation. The longer you spend searching for guidance outside of yourself, the longer you spend ignoring the problem. Even those who appear to help are only acting as instruments in the greater process of love and grace that is the true nature of your relationship to the universe.

Stop looking for the easy way out or the wise words that will show you the way. Assess the situation, your resources, and your abilities, and then act. Your action may include enlisting help from others, but it will be your challenge to solve. The sooner you take up the challenge, the quicker it stops being a problem.

Know Yourself

There is a reason why certain challenges seem hard to you while others breeze right through the same situations. There is a reason why you put off a task for weeks that can be done several times a day by someone else. It is not because they have anything over you or are better than you. And it has nothing to do with a particular skill set or know how. It is all about consciousness. Those who face challenging tasks have found a way to avoid seeing those activities as challenges. 

Challenges are opportunities to grow. That growth takes place out of potentiality, your potentiality, which is infinite and highly active in every moment of life. Come to know yourself as that. You are pure potential experiencing life through what seems like limitation. Challenges are spikes in that imaginary limitation barrier that guide you to awareness.

You decide: Are you limited or are you an ever expansive growth of consciousness and love? Choose the latter, and taking another look at that so called challenge you have been facing. With your potential, you can turn a mountain of a challenge into a speck of dust. Take that dreaded project and turn it into that thing you did before lunch today.

Detach From the Outcome

Stressing about the potential outcome is often what turns a molehill into a mountain. Once you shift your focus to the thing you are actually doing, instead of the result, the most intimidating parts of the trial start to disappear.

When you attach emotions to the problem, it has power over you. If you simply perform the task at hand without worrying about the outcome, you have power over the situation.

Some challenges seem enormous and harsh, but if you remain centered and full of awareness, no challenge is too big to meet with power and grace.

With thanks to Leo Carver 

https://chopra.com/articles/how-to-face-a-challenge-with-confidence 

Turn Crisis Into Opportunity

The coronavirus lockdown has been a crisis in itself. Coming out of lockdown, after being safely cocooned in our homes, mixing with other people, is going to create another crisis for us.  How we cope with it is the important thing.     

Crises come into our lives, no matter how we may try to avoid them. They are troubling, unwanted experiences or events that take us way out of our comfort zone. Typically, crises result in some type of loss. The very nature of a crisis is antithetical to our core values of certainty and predictability as they vanish in an instant.

We desperately try to restore order to our lives, as chaos seems to prevail. Yet, if we learn to reframe how we see crisis, we might actually take advantage of it. There is the potential for alchemy as the crisis unfolds into a gain, provided we learn to stop resisting the unwanted change.

The crisis may be of a financial, relationship, health, or spiritual nature. Those crises that are internally driven tend to be relational, psychological, or emotional. Ordinarily, we try to avoid these upsets as best we can. Yet, upheavals are at times leveled upon us and may not be of our making. We may feel like victims of the circumstances, as we struggle to hold on to life as we knew it.

Typically, personal change requires our motivation and intention to serve as the catalyst to power the transition. Crisis, on the other hand, removes the self motivating requirement as it places us squarely outside of our familiar zone. The crisis literally removes the boundaries that have circumscribed us.

It is as if a tornado has swept in, and when we open our eyes, everything has changed. The maelstrom places us well beyond the bounds of the known. We typically find ourselves wanting desperately to get back inside the comfort of the known. But the crisis precludes that option. There is no going back. But that is where the opportunity lies.

Breaking Free 

Growth and fundamental levels of change only tend to occur when we are out of our comfort zone. We can refer to this as being far from equilibrium, where certainty and predictability no longer reign supreme. So we might look at the crisis as a blessing in disguise, albeit an unwanted one.

Steve Jobs might have felt self defeated and victimised after he was fired from Apple many years ago. He chose otherwise. After his dismissal, he grasped the crisis by the horns, seeing opportunity where others did not. He went on to lead a small animation company and turn it into the juggernaut that is now Pixar. When The Walt Disney Company bought Pixar in 2006, Jobs immediately became the largest shareholder in Disney. The moral of the story is that unwanted change happens, look beyond it and embrace the discomfort.

The crisis is but a snapshot of a moment in time, and one we would prefer to avoid. But to achieve self empowerment requires looking beyond that snapshot and envisioning what door of potential has just flung open.

The individual whose spouse initiated divoce or left them for another person feels betrayed and perhaps heartsick. After a time, though, they may, in fact, come to feel thankful to be freed from an unworthy and inauthentic relationship. This is particularly true if they evolve through the loss and benefit from a new and healthier relationship.

Every crisis presents an opportunity. Crisis and opportunity are merely different aspects of the process. Do we choose to focus on the crisis and freeze in fear, or do we inquire as to what the opportunity may be? 

Illuminating Crisis 

Crises tend to present themselves as either acute or chronic circumstances. For example, the fall out of the coronavirus is not just the heartache and pain of the loss of thousands of people, but also an economic upheaval that is driving the world economy into highly volatile perturbations, with both wealth and employment literally disappearing. In the lives of most people, this is an external crisis raining upon them, typically not of their own making. Yet, through these losses, many people are coming to reflect on their values and choices and are making adjustments due to the crisis, that in the long run may actually benefit them. 

Take for example the high powered Wall Street executive, who had hardly a spare moment for his family, as he was ever consumed with achieving more and more. The loss of his job at first paralysed him with fear. After a time, however, he was able to re-evaluate his priorities. He now works from home in a small business he founded, and he and his family have greatly benefited.

An unexpected health issue or the death of a loved one may bring anxiety and/or loss. However painful and stressful these challenges and losses may be, the opportunity to be in the moment and value life from a differing perspective can prevail.

Chronic crises are more personal as they manifest thematically throughout one’s life. Relationship struggles or battles with self esteem or depression tend to recur throughout life. These patterns are perpetual mini crises awaiting a more fundamental resolution.

Learning to look at the larger themes and patterns that set up these challenges will help develop a vantage point from which you may break through the struggle. In other words, what are the recurring stories of your life? What is your participation in this storyline?

Likewise, relationship difficulties tend to self-perpetuate until a turning point is reached. Often, the relationship crisis launches the couple into new territory, whereby growth may finally be achieved. The pain endured through the crisis may actually enable this gain. For example, infidelity can be a horrific experience, but it may also open the door to a more authentic examination of the marriage and the possibility of a hopeful resolution.  Couples who are prepared to take the time to work through this travail can transform their relationship in a healthy way.

Where Is the Opportunity? 

Let us delve a bit deeper into the opportunity that prevails through these hardships. A crisis is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as: “a crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point.” If we focus on the phrase “turning point,” we might ask ourselves, “Toward where are we turning?”

It is in this non reactive contemplation that we may elect to seek opportunity. This potentiality becomes obscured when we are mired in the loss of the familiar as opposed to venturing into the new. This tipping point is precisely where transformation occurs.

Do we gaze into the unfolding potential of change, or  focus on the loss of the familiar? Your answer reveals your relationship between loss and opportunity. Ultimately the question is whether we choose to freeze in the panic of the unfamiliar or seek to opportunise the new territory that is unfolding for us. The former presents anxiety and retreat, the latter evokes growth. Release your hold on loss and embrace your relationship with opportunity. They are inversely correlated.

The only constant in the universe is flow. What we call crisis is simply the occurrence of change. We are not the masters of change, and if we release our need to control it, we can ride the waves of change and often turn it into opportunity.

As George Harrison sang, “Sunrise does not last all morning.” Change happens. Prepare for it.

With thanks to Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/shift-mind/201110/turning-crisis-opportunity

Trust Your Intuition

It has been a while.....

So often we are told to “Just trust your intuition,” but what does it actually mean and more importantly, how do you do it?

Gut instinct, or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something, there is no need to think it over or get another opinion, you just know. Your intuition arises as a feeling within your body that only you experience. Because the feeling is so personal, no one else can weigh in to tell you if you are in touch with your gut instinct or not. You alone have to make the call. Because of this, trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself.

Listening to your intuition helps you avoid unhealthy relationships and situations. Throughout your life, many people will have ideas about what is best for you, some held with good intentions and some coming from a place of deceitful, harmful, selfish intent. It is sometimes hard to tell which category someone falls into, but if you put aside all of those external opinions and instead listen to the advice of your own intuition, it will guide you to what is truly best for you.

The process of trusting your intuition is not as simple as the phrase implies, though, especially when certain habits and circumstances pull us strongly and often unconsciously in the opposite direction. Luckily, our intuition is so deeply instinctual that even if we have been out of touch with it for our entire lives, it is still there inside of us, waiting for us to summon its wisdom.

Here is how you can carve a clearer path toward your own intuition and begin to draw it out regularly in your life.

Your intuition is like your own personal North Star, but there are many obstructors that act as clouds dimming its light. Once you are aware of them, you will better catch yourself when you are headed in the wrong direction for the wrong reasons so you can then take the appropriate steps to realign with your intuition. 

Here are some of the most likely culprits:

Overthinking 

Since intuition is defined as “the ability to understand something instinctively without the need for conscious reasoning". Overthinking is one of the biggest interferers. Putting excessive thought into every decision and walking through countless scenarios and outcomes can lead you away from your gut instinct, especially when you are overthinking in order to rationalise or justify something. In these cases, your thought process is not flowing freely or organically but is following a very specific agenda to build a case for something you have already made up your mind about. 

In other cases, the flood of possibilities and considerations that overthinking generates can overwhelm and confuse, leaving you in a dizzying circle without clear direction. This state is referred to as analysis paralysis. No matter the exact process, overthinking leads you to the same place, out of touch with your gut instinct.

Indecision

Often enters the picture when you are overthinking and other times when you are outwardly focused. For example, if you wonder, “Will someone else like me if I do this?” In these instances, you are thinking about your behaviour in a lens coloured by the rules, preferences, and expectations that someone else has set rather than looking inwardly and allowing your own thoughts and needs to guide your behaviour, which would lead you to ask a very different question like, “How will I feel about myself if I do this?” because indecison shifts the focus away from you, distants you from your intuition.

Prejudice and Unconscious Bias 

Even though prejudices and unconscious biases are in some ways the opposite of overthinking, they have similar effects on your intuition. As opposed to overthinking and over analysis, prejudices and unconscious biases operate from quick judgements that the brain automatically makes based on past experiences, stereotypes, and background instead of based on reason or actual experience. As a result, neither of these culprits allows space for you to tap into the experiential nature of intuition.

Loved One or Authoritive Figure 

Often, the person who has the greatest power to eclipse or cloud your gut instinct is a loved one or authority figure whose love or approval you wish to win over, for example, a parent, significant other, teacher, or coach.

When you badly want something When you are really hungry for something, whether love, acceptance, children, social status, or something else, your strong desire to fill that gaping need can cause you to overlook or ignore any red flags along the way. Being laser focused on satisfying a need you deem worthy of almost any cost leaves little opportunity to acknowledge or follow your intuition, especially if that gut instinct is at odds with something or someone closely aligned with this need.

Previous Trauma or Abuse 

Perhaps the most complex and powerful of all the culprits is having experienced abuse and trauma as a child. Why? Because childhood abuse can leave a lasting impact on a person that remains even in adulthood. Growing up experiencing physical, emotional/psychological, and/or sexual abuse can cause children to distrust their experience and blame themselves. Since trusting your intuition is the same as trusting yourself, tapping into this gut instinct can be a struggle.

How To Cultivate Your Intuition

Slow down and clear your mind When you are living in a cloudy haze and rushing here and there, whether physically or mentally, you miss information. Slowing down helps you better recognise and process the information you receive, not only in your mind but also in your body. To do so, you must mentally and physically clear away the clutter. In real life, it might look like pushing back a deadline to remove urgency from a decision. It could also mean stepping away from a situation in order to gain further clarity, for instance taking a vacation before making a career change or spending some time apart from a significant other to determine if you are right for each other.

Slowing down means purposefully making space for your intuition to occupy. The slower pace helps to shift your perspective and clear away distractions so that you can see and feel what truly does matter. Explore meditation, yoga, mindful breathing exercises and other practices that move your focus from darting thoughts into a deeper space of calm and centered focus within you.

Notice Sensations In Your Body 

Intuition is grounded within the sensations inside of the body, so learning to recognise what is going on within your body, i.e. what you are feeling, is key to developing your intuition. While we might use the terms “feelings” and “sensations” interchangeably to describe intuition, note the slight distinction here. 

Specifically, we are more interested in understanding how your body feels in response to an emotion, for example, anger feels tight, sore, hot, and tingly, rather than simply naming an emotion like sad, angry, or frustrated, and stopping there. A great way to practice is to label the emotion in the moment when you experience it, e.g. anger. then feel what sensations arise within your body that are associated with that emotion. such as your jaw is tight and shoulders are raised and tense. Doing so helps you stay out of your head where you risk being swept away by thoughts and instead tune into your body where your intuition resides.

Begin practicing as a novice observer, merely noticing with interest what is happening to your body in response to different stimuli and emotions. Guided body scan meditations are especially helpful in sharpening this skill. So exercises are where you bring to mind a specific memory and then label and feel the emotions it elicits within your body. In all of these exercises, pay particular attention to your breathing, muscles, and heart rate to see how your body reacts and what that reaction tells you. The information it holds is crucial to devising action that is meaningful and relevant to you.

Focus On You 

Ask yourself, “What do I really need here? What is important for me?” This is one of those times when it should be all about you, so give yourself full permission to do so. If you find your focus shifting to other people and their needs, notice and purposefully return your attention back to being curious about what you need and want, because that is where you will find your ntuition. Concentrating on these needs helps to more easily pave the pathway there. 

To clear the air around your intuition, it might be helpful to first go through the list of culprits above to identify the external factors influencing you, acknowledging them so that you can then put them aside for the moment. Your intuition is part of your highest, wisest self, so make sure the focus is squarely on you.

Take Action 

The feeling of intuition is like an ocean current navigating you toward a purposeful life. Once you discover it, you still need to jump in a boat and set sail in order to derive its full value. After you answer the question “What do I need right now?”, do something to give yourself what you need. It might be the tiniest step, but size does not matter here. Small steps can actually be beneficial at first to gradually build trust with your intuitive self whom you may be meeting for the first time or becoming reacquainted with, after an unhealthy relationship separated you. What is important is that you are following your intuition.

Remember that trusting your intuition is a journey which will lead you back through these steps often as circumstances change and life continues to move onwards. Consider your intuition as a muscle to strengthen. With purposeful practice and frequent use, it will become more powerful and better serve its purpose, guiding you home to yourself.

With thanks to Emily DeSanctis

https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/yes-trust-gut-heres